Take Away
by Rina-the-Brave
Summary: What if one night of comfort leads to guilt? Jane pushes down the guilt, and more nights ensue. Will Jane and Lisbon be able to maintain professionalism and friendship while learning that it's okay to lose yourself in someone? Episode Pilot-Finale spinoff
1. Pilot

**Disclaimer: If I owned it, this would be happening in the show...well the PG-13 and less angsty version of this anyway. That's a no on owning it in case you didn't already guess. ;).**

**A/N: I am now officially starting my new M-rated story. Just a quick introduction; this is the one based from the pilot to the finale about if they had a friends with benefits thing happening. It will eventually become more don't worry. This chapter just sets the scene for things to come so it is angsty but still really good to read. I loved writing this one. I love the vulnerable emotional stuff. Not every chapter will involve sex but I'll give a little preview here of what's to come: there will be angry against the wall goodness, sweet shower scenes, and of course on the floor action. What's not to love?**

**Warning: Again it is a bit angsty but I can't help it. This kind of story has to be like that. Tons of smut will hopefully make up for it and later they will become more than just friends. **

It was late, well past one in the morning when Jane had called Lisbon to tell her that someone had shoved a note underneath his hotel room door while he was watching television. The rest of the team were notified as soon as he mentioned that he chased the man who left it. The note identified the assailant as Red John but Jane swore it wasn't. Despite not wanting him on this case in the first place, she believed him.

As the rest of team filed out of Patrick Jane's hotel room one member lagged behind. Lisbon wanted to make sure he was alright so she momentarily paused in her walk towards the door. She knew this was a difficult case for him. It brought back memories that would make most people cringe. Anything that had to deal with Red John always got the best of him, even when it was just a potential copycat.

"You okay?" It was probably the dumbest thing she could ask, but her brain couldn't seem to come up with anything better.

"Absolutely." They both knew that was a no. He didn't even try to hide it, which surprised her.

"Get some sleep." Absentmindedly he managed a small nod as she walked away dead set on getting out of the room before her hormones got the best of her. Seeing him sitting on a bed with his shirt partially unbuttoned did nothing to help the emotion coursing through her body and she didn't want to humiliate herself in front of him.

Lisbon didn't notice that Jane had followed her until he grabbed her wrist to stop her from turning the doorknob. The small touch caused her to jump, clearly startled that he had managed to sneak up on her. He took that as an opportunity to spin her around and pin her against the door, holding her arms above her head as he leaned in and rested his forehead against hers, noses touching.

"What the hell are..."

"Just let me have this." His voice was barely above a whisper which took them both by shock. He could see it in her eyes that she was confused and also just as into the thought of spending a night together as he was. It was wrong of him to want such things from her but a part of him needed the comfort.

"Jane we can't do this." Pressing himself fully against her, a sharp ragged breath told him everything he needed to know. Her mouth was saying one thing while her reactions were saying something totally different.

"Who says?" Her protests died on her lips when she saw the look in his eyes. Every fiber of her being was screaming at her to stop him but she couldn't. "Just tonight, only one night, help me."

"Okay." Her voice sounded childlike and frail to her own ears and she knew that she'd regret this. It wasn't right to be so selfish. He needed to be comforted and instead of being a friend she had agreed to being his one night stand. There was no way this could end well. The thought was short lived, her brain shut down as soon as his mouth touched the skin of her neck. It didn't escape her, that he didn't kiss her on the lips like she had assumed he would. Honestly though she was glad he didn't, she wouldn't have been able to handle it. She already knew her feelings for him were going to make this hard enough. Closing her eyes, she blocked out the world hoping it would help the constricting in her heart. It was pointless to try and block out her emotions but she tried anyway. The way his warm breath was fanning across her skin caused a shiver to run through her body.

Whirling her around, Jane began walking her backwards to the bed while she kicked off her shoes. This was so wrong of him, but it felt too good. His lips on her neck teasing the warm flesh, her arms around him pulling him closer, it was enough to make him forget for a while. As soon as the backs of her knees hit the mattress he let his hands find the hem of her shirt and tugged it over her head in one swift motion. He felt a pang in his heart when her eyes stayed closed – almost like if she opened them he'd be gone. Gently caressing her stomach with feather light touches he waited, watching her face for any sign that she wasn't okay. Seeing none he pushed her back on the bed and quickly shed his vest and button down before crawling over her.

"Lisbon, tell me if you want me to stop." Her pretty green eyes met his as she thought it over for a few seconds. There was something about this that seemed so hot she couldn't tell him no. She wouldn't have anyway, he needed someone and she was glad he turned to her. The pain evident in his eyes made her want to help him at any cost and even if this was the wrong way to do it she didn't want to walk away now.

"Don't." The small hand that stroked his cheek made everything seem more real. There was no way he could deny being aroused, he knew she could feel it pressed into her thigh. As he reached behind her to unclasp the white lace bra that covered her breasts, his lips found the soft creamy flesh of her neck once again. This was wrong of him, so so wrong. He was using the closest person he had to a best friend, all to make the hurting go away. No matter how many times he kept telling himself how horrible it was of him to use her, he didn't want to stop.

A breathy moan interrupted his thoughts bringing him back to the reality. Teresa Lisbon was lying under him naked from the waist up, the regret could wait.

Leaning back, he admired the view of her pinned beneath him. She was gorgeous with her hair splayed all different directions, angry red marks marring the ivory skin of her neck and chest heaving in anticipation of what was to come. He was trying his best to be gentle with her, but it was proving to be harder to control himself with every breath she took. Lazily trailing one hand down her half naked body he rested it at the waistband of her pants, watching the goosebumps it left behind. Doing the same with his other hand, he got the same reaction but this time it was followed by her shifting, arching into him. She was begging, not vocally, but with her body. It brought her breasts closer and he could no longer deny himself the pleasure of tasting the rounded flesh. As soon as his lips touched the darkened pink of her nipple, he found himself moaning.

"God, Jane..." The woman he was pleasuring appreciated every touch, every nip, every suck of his mouth against her sensitive skin. She arched her back when he switched breasts, needing more of him but only succeeded in pressing her self into his erection making them both groan. Lisbon was tired of the foreplay, she wanted him and she wanted him now, but this was about his need not hers. The hands at her hips began to move towards her zipper and she audibly sighed in relief. He pulled back from her chest to quickly unbutton and unzip the barrier. He didn't carefully peel them off, it was more of a jerking motion to try and get them off quickly which only served to bring them to her knees. When he abruptly stood up leaving her alone on the bed she feared the worst until she saw him unfastening his own pants and letting them drop, taking his underwear with them.

His bare skin took her by surprise and made it difficult for her to remember her own name. He was beautiful, lean and judging by the eye full she got as her gaze dropped lower, completely ready for what was about to happen. He was staring at her in the same way and she quickly kicked her pants the rest of the way off before hooking her thumbs in her panties and sliding them down. She felt extremely awkward doing this while he was just watching but as soon as she was done, he was climbing back over her and resting a hand on each of her cheeks.

His eyes met hers and held for the longest time before he let his head drop to the crook of her neck and one hand ended up on her inner thigh, testing to see if she was ready.

"I can't wait any longer. I'm sorry." Before she could reply she felt him gently nudge her legs apart and push into her. He was a little bigger than she was expecting but even with the given circumstances it felt like heaven. He moaned against her skin as she fought back a tear. Forcing herself to get it together, she silently pledged that her heart could break later, right now she just needed to be in this moment for him. It was skin on skin, body pressed to body and she knew that if he ever asked for another night together she wouldn't be able to deny him.

Jane hated this, it felt so good but he knew it was killing her. He knew she had feelings for him and he was crushing them. It was too late to back out now, it had been too late since the first touch. Slowly moving his hips, he started to move in and out of her, reveling in the way she was so warm and tight. It had been too long since he felt like this. He couldn't open his eyes, if he saw her now he'd break. He could only imagine how she looked and for now that'd have to be enough. He settled for kissing wherever he could; her neck, cheek, forehead, chest, anywhere except her lips. Her sighs and moans timed perfectly with the rhythm of his thrusts but as soon as she turned the tables and kissed his shoulder he faltered. It was a shock to him and he almost convinced himself he imagined it but the warmth of her lips were real. She kissed the same spot again before nuzzling her face into his neck and moving her hips to meet his.

Picking up where he left off, he kept the pace slow. It matched both of their moods and emotions, it just fit. He could tell she was close, her breathing was shallow and ragged, her hands were clutching at his shoulders frantically, trying to pull him closer, and her internal muscles were constricting around him like a vise.

"Jane..." He shushed her by pulling completely out of her and pushing back in swiftly but gently. She froze in his arms, all of her muscles tightening. He desperately wanted to see her lose control but he couldn't give himself that pleasure, he didn't deserve it. Keeping his eyes closed he felt – more than heard – her cry out against him before falling limp in his arms. A few more thrusts and he was right behind her moaning into the soft smooth skin of her shoulder before letting himself give in to the overwhelming sensation of being inside of Teresa Lisbon.

After several minutes of just lying there, he finally pushed himself back and opened his eyes. She was staring up at him with a soft inquisitive expression adorning her face. The guilt of what they had just done started to settle over him as he rolled off of her to frown at the ceiling.

"Jane?" Lisbon sat up to look over at him and was puzzled by what she saw. He looked angry and she wasn't sure why. They had just had mind blowing sex and yeah it wasn't planned and yeah it was a one time thing but that didn't make it any less amazing. Gently reaching out she touched his shoulder, loving the way his skin felt against her fingertips.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have." She didn't want him to be sorry, she wanted him to be better, to be comforted. If anything she thought she should apologize for taking advantage of his emotional state.

"No it's okay, I agreed. It's okay. We'll be fine I promise." In a moment such as this, all she wanted to do was pull him into a loving embrace and whisper sweet nothings in his ear but she knew she couldn't.

"Yeah." He smiled but she knew it was his fake smile. "We will be."

Crawling off the bed, Lisbon found her clothes and started dressing. She wasn't in a hurry but she also didn't want to be here any longer than she already had. Jane said nothing to stop her, he knew she needed to leave and honestly he needed that too. He still couldn't believe he had broken down and asked her to stay in the first place, then again he'd probably do it all over in a heart beat. It hadn't made anything better though, in fact it had only made it worse and yet he wanted her again. Except he wanted to kiss her and watch her lose it but he couldn't let himself do that.

"I'm gonna go. Get some sleep." It was the second time she'd voiced those words to him 'get some sleep' and also the second time he planned on ignoring them. He watched her walk away and waited until the door closed before he was out of bed, getting dressed, and putting a plan in motion.

Lisbon walked slowly down the corridor knowing that Patrick Jane would not listen to anything she had just said. The tears she had been holding back started to fall, leaving trails down her cheeks. She had taken advantage of him and he felt bad about it now. She should have pushed him away, been more persistent but no, she had let her feelings win over her actions. She had to admit though, watching him as he came was the most breath taking thing she'd ever seen. He was so gentle with her when she had expected it to be fast and hard, something angry. Knowing him the way she did, he'd act normal, not necessarily pretending it didn't happen but beating himself up on the inside about it instead of talking to her. It was his way of dealing with things, hell it was her way of dealing with things and it wasn't healthy. She'd give herself one night, tonight, to wallow in her own guilt before sucking it up and acting perfectly fine. Maybe if she acted absolutely okay he wouldn't hate himself for sleeping with her. For now they both needed space, so she pretended she didn't hear his door open and close again, or his footsteps heading towards the elevator and when she turned to see his retreating form, she pretended it wasn't him.

**a/n: I know in the Pilot, right after she leaves his room he takes off too, but this is my version of what could have happened instead of her actually just leaving after asking him if he was okay. Wouldn't this have made a better scene? ~Rina :)**


	2. Red Hair and Silver Tape

**Disclaimer: Not even in my dreams do I own The Mentalist.**

**A/N: Thank you to everybody who reviewed. I enjoyed reading them. I'm hoping that everyone who took the time to read this liked it. I guess I'll find out if the same amount of people read it again. Anyway, I absolutely love this story. I just like the idea of it and nobody else had really done anything like this so I JUST HAD TO! **

**Warning: Same as the first. It's sweet sort of, action wise. Thinking wise we are still in the first few angsty chapters. SO like a bittersweet chapter for a bittersweet story. I like it. **

Lisbon sat in her office with her head in her hands. She had killed today, to save a woman's life and also for Jane. It had been to save him too but it still bothered her. She always acted unfazed while on the job but all bets were off when she was alone. Every time she had ever pulled that trigger it never ended well and she was left feeling empty. The emotions were always counteracting each other, happy for saving lives, sad for taking lives. Yes, they were cruel murdering bastards but they should have done time. Death is too easy.

That wasn't the only thing causing her trouble. It had been a little over a week since she and Jane had comfort sex. Every night she spent alone, she wished he was with her and even though it had been a one time thing she wished it could be more. She could still feel the touch of his hands against her skin and the warmth of his lips on her neck, like it had happened just seconds ago. There were a few awkward moments between them, but they seemed to be back to normal now. She had never let herself get upset around him, and he never showed any sign of regretting it. Although she knew without a doubt that he did but that hadn't stopped him from covering it well with teasing and witty remarks.

_* Flashback to earlier in the day *_

_"Hi, I made a booking for two for this afternoon, could you put us on the terrace...it's more romantic. Yeah....Patrick. Lovely, see you then." Lisbon's heart was racing by the time he hung up. She was so sure it was about to beat it's way right out of her chest. What did he mean more romantic? His smile unnerved her even more, always that damn smile. "Don't fret. I wouldn't seduce you over a meal. That'd be very sophomoric." _

_"I didn't think you were trying to seduce me." She had been thinking that, well she was actually thinking about how he'd already accomplished that one. _

_"Come on. How could that thought not have entered your head?" She couldn't think of anything to say, her eyes seemed to be glued to his and her brain was glued to remembering what it felt like to be in his arms while he took control in pleasuring her body. "Your denial that it did intrigues me." Lisbon still couldn't think of anything, but as he walked away one comeback came to mind. Probably the worst one to use with him._

_"Bite me."_

_* End *_

She still couldn't believe that she had really thought he was going to take her out on a romantic lunch date while they were in the middle of a case. Could she be any more stupid? Groaning she let her head rest against the cool desk as she shut her eyes to ward off the impending headache. There was something that had happened later though, that made her think that when he needed comforting again she'd be his choice. It was probably crazy to want to be somebodies meaningless sex buddy but she did. In the cemetery he had known she was feeling sorry for the family who lost a daughter and guilty for taking the lives of the people who had killed her when they deserved to suffer. He laid a hand on her shoulder -- the first time they had touched since that night in the hotel room -- letting her know that he was there for her if she needed him. They both knew that was a dangerous road to travel since they'd cracked the dam that held back all of their emotions and yet the proposition had been present in his warm touch.

"Lisbon?" Sucking in a sharp breath at the sound of his voice, she stayed still for a few seconds to get her bearings. Squaring her shoulders, she lifted her head to meet his worried gaze.

"Yes Jane?"

"You okay?" The last time those words had been said, she had been the one to say them and then they'd ended up naked. Something inside of her was screaming that this wouldn't end well but it was really the first time they had been completely alone while fully clothed.

"I'm fine." Lisbon knew he would know that she was lying but she was praying he'd let it go. It was late, she was tired and all she wanted was to soak in the tub then crawl into her over sized bed.

"About when we, uh..."

"I told you, I agreed. I let you and I wanted you. There's no reason to feel bad about what we did, Patrick." She could tell by the look on his face that the use of his first name had startled him. He walked closer to her while nodding his head and staring down at the floor. She really wished he wouldn't beat himself up over something like this. It was a mistake in his eyes but she didn't see it that way anymore. She saw it as two lonely people who needed one night to remember what it felt like to be in someones arms for just a little while. She just wished it would happen again.

"I was going to say about when we were in the motel room today and you had to...I'm sorry you had to do that."

"Oh." Her face flushed a rosy pink as the embarrassment set in. It wasn't her day today. "I'm sorry you had to be there for it."

"I know you aren't okay. I know today was hard for you, and I want you to know that I'm here." Despite her better judgement Lisbon stood from her chair and took three steps towards him bringing them within a few inches of touching.

"Thanks but I really think I should just head out." She made a move to step around him but he grabbed her elbow and pulled her to his chest, wrapping one arm around her waist while the other tangled in her hair to hold her head over his heart. "Jane are you..."

"It's just a hug." The tears she had been fighting finally broke free, leaving small rivers running down her cheeks. The first sob that escaped, he soothed by rubbing his hand up and down her back. She wasn't used to anyone holding her while she cried, she wasn't used to anyone even being around when she cried, hell she wasn't used to crying but it felt so good to be in his arms again. She cried for the innocents who had lost their lives, she cried for the ones she'd killed, and she cried for knowing that she couldn't be with the man she was falling for.

Jane held her the entire time, letting himself indulge every few minutes by kissing her hair. It was wrong of him but he wanted her, right here and right now. They had agreed that it had been a one time thing but that didn't stop him. It had been hard for him to keep his hands off of her when his body was sending signals, begging him to reach out and touch the smooth creamy skin of her arm, her neck, anywhere he could see. It was like he'd had a taste of her and he only wanted more. He knew he wasn't ready for a serious relationship, and Lisbon deserved one. She deserved so much better than he could offer. He never should have asked her to stay with him that night, it had been way too selfish of him. He was being the same way now, here she was upset and having enough trust in him to let him help and all he could think about was turning his head so he could taste the warm skin of her neck.

No matter how guilty he felt afterwards he had to admit that while he was with her, time seemed to stop, the world quit spinning, everything seemed different and he wanted to know why. They needed to talk, but neither of them ever knew what words to say. They were torn. They wanted each other, they'd proved that much but his need came from anger, loneliness and regret, hers well he didn't know where hers came from but he knew he couldn't string her along only to hurt her in the end. It would kill him if he was ever the one to hurt her.

The tears subsided, the shaking of her shoulders stopped, and she made a move to extract herself from his embrace, hoping that she still had some dignity left. It wasn't like her to just let loose like that, then again she usually didn't have sex with coworkers either.

"I"m sorry. I got your jacket all wet."

"Meh. Needs washed anyway. Can I take you home?" The question itself held a promise and they both knew what would happen if he did give her a ride. He wouldn't be leaving for a while and today wasn't a good day. It didn't need anymore drama, regret, or half ass-ed decisions.

"Maybe next time." Bidding him good night she walked away leaving him to close up her office. Today had been one of those days that left you wishing you could've just kept sleeping and he had made it better and worse all at the same time.

**a/n: For anyone who is reading this and doesn't like where it's going drop me a line so I know. That doesn't mean I'll change anything but I will explain things. :) and remember I PROMISED LOTS OF M RATED DELICIOUSNESS AND I WILL PROVIDE IT! I had to somehow incorporate the scene where he's being all teasing about seducing her! It's a classic Jisbon moment and then I had to turn up the serious by adding everything else my mind conjured up. :) Hope you liked it. Reviews are the greatest. ~ Rina.**


	3. Red Tide

**Disclaimer: Does it look like I own it? (that was a sarcastic way to say no).**

**A/N: Sorry it took so long with this one. I promise to have the others up in a more timely manner. :) Unless college gets in the way but I will notify you if that happens. So enjoy this next chapter and it does have some M rated sections. Happy Reading.**

**Warning: Still some conflicted emotions on both of their parts but also some cute moments. Enjoy.**

Patrick Jane was walking briskly through the CBI building when Lisbon's voice stopped him dead in his tracks. She was to talking to Christine Tanner's father and the emotion that lingered in her words struck him to the core.

"Be good to them." She sounded so different. He wasn't used to it, he'd heard it before a few weeks ago when he had held her while she cried, but he still wasn't used to it yet. Grace had told him about her fall, and the way she snapped when the young agent mentioned her mother. He wanted to speak to her but his brain was screaming at him, telling him he was getting too close. Another part of him screamed that he wasn't close enough, that it was okay to be with somebody else. Damn his stupid conflicting emotions.

"I am good to them."

"My father was a good man just like you were. And after my mother died he was self-pitying drunk just like you are. He killed himself; damn near killed me and my brothers too. Get some help." He watched in amazement as she offered the man a card. "Your kids deserve it. So do you." A few seconds of silence lingered before he reached up to take the card and turned to leave. Jane stood still, watching Lisbon as she took a deep breath and let it out. When she noticed him she nodded in his direction, something passed between them an understanding of sorts. She knew he had heard the end of the conversation and yet she didn't seem angry or upset. He found himself nodding back, and despite wanting so badly to run over to her and start asking if she was alright, he left. She needed time alone, time to think and he wasn't going to interrupt. At least not for a little while.

**MentalistMentalistMentalist**

Jane had driven around Lisbon's place countless times in the last six hours but by eleven pm, he finally decided to go up and knock on her door. It had been approximately a month since they'd slept together give or take a few days, and he hadn't been able to get her out of his head since. She was invading his mind, taking over his fantasies and filling his body with a longing he thought had died. Maybe she could use someone to lean on, maybe she could use the comfort this time. He had sworn it was only a one time thing, and the guilt he felt over it was immense but she was like a magnet. He couldn't stay away even though he wanted to. His want for her was winning this battle and honestly he was too tired to fight it.

Lifting his fist to knock a second time, the door swung open revealing Teresa Lisbon with TV remote in hand and a scowl on her face.

"Do you always open the door like that?" He wanted to start with something to lighten their moods a little to make this go a little smoother.

"What are you doing here?" He really didn't know what to say, he couldn't just tell her that he came by for sex could he? And was that really the only reason he was here? Finding himself without answers to either of those questions he took a step into her place, completely ignoring the fact that she had not invited him inside. "Jane?"

"Uh, I just came by to..." His sentence was interrupted by the sight of her wardrobe. How had he not noticed that one? His eyes roamed appreciatively over her trim figure in an oversize shirt and boxer shorts. God, she wasn't wearing a bra. This wasn't fair. It wasn't anything elegant or extraordinary but it made him wish it was his shirt and boxers that covered her smooth skin.

"To?" His eyes snapped back up to meet hers as a small smile crept slowly over her face. The woman was enjoying this! She liked watching him stumble around for excuses.

"To see if you're okay. Grace told me you fell." As soon as the words left his mouth he knew that it had been a stupid answer, it wasn't true and it was just dumb. She turned her back on him and wandered over to the couch, slamming the door in the process. He took it as an invitation to stay.

"Dammit. I'm fine, I didn't fall I just sorta tripped and hit the ground." He could tell she was embarrassed about it, but she really shouldn't be. If he had been with her she wouldn't have been allowed to stand up until he was positive she was one hundred percent.

"Oh, right. My mistake." Jane felt a little awkward standing in front of her couch waging a war with his emotions. It had been a battle just to decide to come or not. There was no way to deny that he wanted her, but the guilt was still present. Not as strong as before but it had been awhile and here he was, about to open that can of worms again. He knew the consequences so why didn't he care? She looked up at him from the couch wrapped in a blanket and he knew. He could tell that she was having the same problems he was, and she wanted this again too. Was it rude to just come over here intending to have sex? He knew the answer to that was yes, but it seemed a lot less impolite knowing she was having the same internal wars. By now his brain was screaming at him. Something along the lines of 'what the hell are you doing? and you can not take advantage of the poor woman again' but his body counteracted with she would have kicked your ass the first time if she didn't want it just as much. He knew it shouldn't matter what she wanted, he still shouldn't but as he stepped closer and tugged her up off the couch, he found himself ignoring the guilt. Maybe it would go away. Her green eyes widened as he pulled her into his arms knocking the blanket into the floor and letting his hands find her hips.

"Jane we agreed that..."

"Patrick. Not Jane, not here. Not like this. I'm Jane at work and you're Lisbon, here we're just Patrick and Teresa." His eyes held hers in a smoldering gaze that sent heat coursing through her entire body. Lisbon couldn't believe this was happening again, but she should have known that he wasn't here at such a late hour to just chat. It had been almost a month since the first time they'd had sex and she really wanted it to happen again, just not like this. She wanted all of him, not just sex but if this was the only way she could have him, then she could deal with it. Maybe this would help him learn to love again, the thought was nice but she laughed at herself for thinking such things and sighed. His eyes darkened with arousal while he leaned his way forward letting his warm breath fan across her ear as he inhaled her scent.

"P-Patrick please..." She should have said stop this time, but again her own selfishness won. Twisting one hand through the curls at the base of his neck she pulled him closer. The warmth of his body reminded her of every touch, every moan, every sigh they had shared before.

"I came to say that I'm sorry about your mom, and your dad too." His whisper sent chills down her spine. There was no way to describe what she was feeling right now. She was happy that he was here, sad because the case brought back memories of her parents and angry at herself for being so weak against his charm. The feel of his lips against her neck sent a sharp gasp tumbling from her mouth. The sensation was expected but not. It was new yet old and it felt so good. "S'this okay?"

"No, but I'm not stopping you." Jane knew that should have been enough to make him quit but sadly it wasn't. He was a pathetic excuse for a man and the guilt came back full force. Would it ever truly go away? He wanted to find out, he wanted to know if he'd ever be able to actually care about anybody again but how was he supposed to find out? "Don't, just don't regret it."

He smiled a sad smile against her flesh, knowing there would always be some regret, before pulling away far enough to tug her shirt over her head in one swift movement. Her green eyes were filled with compassion and lust, waiting for him to touch the newly revealed skin but he didn't. This time it wasn't going to be all about him, she was the one who had a tough time today. She was the one who deserved to forget. That unknowingly seemed to become the theme for them. He made a move when one of them needed to let go of something for a little while, to forget about the past and the future and just live in the present.

She looked confused by his reluctance to touch her but he squelched her worries as soon as he dropped to his knees. His fingers dipped into the waist band of her shorts, toying with the idea of pulling them off. He was teasing her and judging by the way her heart rate sped up along with the way her breasts heaved with every breath, she was liking it. Slowly sliding the barrier down he thought back to their first time together, he had made her take her own pants off. It had been his way to keep himself from getting too attached. He couldn't have her the way he wanted so he tried to keep it casual. Too bad neither of them had abided by that when they actually got down to the sex. It had been slow and passionate everything but just casual. It had taken him a while to realize why but finally he had figured it out. They were friends first, sure they bickered and fought sometimes but they were friends. He trusted her, only her and he hoped she trusted him too.

Hooking his thumbs into her underwear he slid those down next, knowing what she looked like did nothing to calm the excitement he was feeling. Groaning at the sight in front of him he leaned forward to press a soft lingering kiss to the lower portion of her stomach. Her hands tightened in his curls as his teeth nipped at her skin leaving small red marks across her abs. He tried dipping his head lower, to the one spot he knew she wanted touched but she dropped down in front of him, mirroring his own position.

"Am I going to be the only naked one?" Her hands set out to work on his vest, popping the buttons swiftly and pushing it off his shoulders. The shirt was next on her list but his hands grabbed hers gently.

"Tonight is about you Teresa, not me." His whisper was filled with longing and a hint of sadness. Something she wished to take away.

"Then let me finish what I started." There was no hint of humor in her tone, no smile to tell that she was teasing. She wasn't, this was serious for her, for them. She had a feeling it would be like this every time, if there were more 'times', until they were both ready to take a step towards a real relationship if they ever reached that point. She knew it wasn't only him, she wanted something real but she wasn't ready either. She had gotten too used to not having anyone and the thought of trying to win a married man's love didn't sound promising. He still loved his wife, would there be any room for her?

He let go of her wrists, letting her fingers go back to work on the shirt. Working as fast as she could to get it off before he noticed her shaking hands, she tugged the last button causing it to pop off. They ignored it for the time being as her warm touch spread over his chest and he let the shirt fall to the floor. She wasted no time and before he could even open his mouth to tell her to slow down she had his pants undone, already pushing them down. Maneuvering one leg at a time he managed to slide them off taking his underwear with them. It'd be easier if he only had to move around like that once. Reaching for the green blanket that had come to rest next to them, he straightened it out a little before letting one of his hands rest against the back of her neck.

Their eyes met once again, lust clouding the air around them taking control over their actions. Good judgement was something they both lacked tonight, but neither minded. They knew if they were actually thinking they wouldn't have started this again. Yes, they would have both desperately wanted it, but they wouldn't have overstepped that line twice. Gently lying her back against the blanket covering the rough carpet, he pressed a sweet kiss to her forehead.

"I'm trying, Teresa. I'm sorry I can't be what you want." She wanted to open her mouth and tell him that she didn't need this to know that, tell him that he was already everything she wanted but the words never came. Instead she only nodded her head and let out a surprised gasp when he let his hips rest against hers. The feel of him pressed to her in such a sexual way brought back the delicious memories she'd been trying to suppress for the last few weeks. Another gasp escaped when one hand trailed its way down her body to the one place that was aching. The one place she needed him.

He wanted to tease her, please her in ways different from last time. He ached to touch every inch of her, taste her on his tongue but that was too much for them. He settled for idly letting one finger trace up and down her opening. Secretly loving the way she arched her back, pushing herself further into his hand. She was ready and he couldn't deny that he was too. The firm erection pressing into her thigh gave it away. He just hoped she wasn't disappointed that he didn't drag out the foreplay. He found it too intimate and personal, this wasn't supposed to be like that. Maybe he'd be a little more comfortable with it another time.

Lisbon wrapped one leg around his waist, giving him the go ahead without speaking a word. She let her hands travel over the muscles of his arms before coming to rest oh his back. Pushing him down to rest some of his weight on her, she could tell he was battling with something. The second she saw his gaze flicker to her mouth she knew what it was. She thought about telling him she understood and wasn't going to push him into anything. To most it would seem like a simple kiss but she that to him it held much more power than that. She kept her mouth shut and let him battle it out by himself. When his gaze found hers once again she knew that tonight wouldn't be the night but it had to be good that he was at least thinking about it right? This really didn't help with the whole getting her hopes up thing. He placed another kiss to her forehead, almost like an apology before leaning back to watch her face.

Jane hated that he couldn't give her some of the things she wanted, he hated that he might not ever be able too, but he was thinking of her this time. That had to be a start right? This had to be going somewhere or he wouldn't be so torn. Making a silent vow to himself, he agreed to try his best to move on. It would take a lot of work, a lot of time, and it wouldn't be easy. Baby steps and it started here. Right now, she was waiting for him to take over her body, to pleasure her and that's exactly what he was going to do.

His eyes never left hers as he eased himself into her warmth inch by inch and God did it feel good. He considered it a small victory, at least he had been able to look at her without hating himself completely. A small pang of shame and regret was the only thing that kept it from being perfect. A breathy gasp that sounded like his name filled the once silent space. They forgot their jobs and the world outside of these four walls. As he started to move in and out of her, the only thing that mattered was right there in the middle of her living room floor. The rocking rhythm of his hips, she matched perfectly without missing a beat, her eyes never leaving his until he brought his lips down to her neck. Only then did she allow herself to close them and let the sensations he was causing to over take her body. The way he felt pressed against her, inside her, all over her, he had ruined all other men for her. She didn't know what she'd do when he ended this charade. She was engulfed in everything Patrick Jane and she only wanted more. Their sweat slicked bodies slid together with an ease and perfection that made it seem they had been doing this for years. Hearing him let out a groan when she nibbled lightly on his ear before placing a kiss to his neck made her smile in amazement. She could make him feel good too. A sudden wave of pleasure coursed through her at the thought of what it would be like without all of the missing pieces. This was a start though, he had kept his eyes open longer this time. Was it wrong of her to consider that a small victory?

"More, faster." Lisbon could feel her orgasm building in the pit of her stomach, and had whispered the request against his neck in desperation. She could tell he was still feeling guilty but he was doing this for both of them this time, it wasn't just a selfish act and he was enjoying it. Last time he'd hated himself this time he seemed more relaxed with a tad of shame showing through. Pleasure was racing through every vein in her body and she just knew that she was going to explode before he ever decided to go any faster. The slow pace he set was becoming unbearable and just when she thought she couldn't take it any more, he listened and picked up the rhythm. Nothing frantic or wild, more of a swift gentle rocking motion that she was grateful for.

Jane wanted to be able to tell her exactly what she made him feel but his mouth wouldn't form the words. The only that came to mind was shame, and it wasn't her that made him feel that, no she was special to him. She wasn't only a booty call. Honestly he wouldn't be doing this with anyone else, he couldn't even imagine it but he also knew that he couldn't be what she needed. He didn't think ever could be but he could ignore the feeling for a little while. There was a beautiful woman writhing in pleasure against him and right now she came first.

He knew she was close, he also knew he wasn't going to last much longer with her clenching around him like that and he was not about to leave her hanging. Slipping a hand between their bodies he found that sweet spot he was searching for causing her hips to involuntarily jerk beneath him.

Jane was whispering against her flesh but she couldn't hear what he was saying. She wanted to ask him to repeat it, but something stopped her. She could feel the start of her orgasm rip through her as she moaned his name while shutting her eyes tightly. Not exactly the best time to try and talk coherently. Another moan morphed into a shout as the pleasure mounted with each thrust of his hips. He whispered something again but this time she heard it, her name it had been her given name and it had never sounded so beautiful. She tensed in his arms, eyes tightly shut, small revelations leaving her lips before they morphed into a moan as every muscle in her body went limp. This was his undoing, hearing her lose it was all it took. Hearing her say; 'I can't lose you Patrick, I can't lose you as a friend because of this.' made it too hard to hold out any longer. A strangled moan ripped from his throat as he let himself go before collapsing on top of her.

Neither of them moved or spoke for fear of ruining the feeling, last time there had been no skin to skin contact afterwards. The only sound in the room was that of their breathing which calmed with each passing second. Looking down to see his head resting against her chest put a smile on her face, this was something she could definitely get used to doing. Even if he was convinced they could only be sex buddies, she liked the term friends with benefits better. They were friends, not just two random people who hooked up on occasion.

"Your father was a fool for drinking, for treating you the way he did after your mother died, for leaving you. You didn't deserve it and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it." It still amazed her that he always seemed to know exactly what she was thinking and she had to admit that she was glad the first thing out of his mouth hadn't been an apology. "If he could see you now he would regret the decisions he made." Jane rolled off of her and propped himself up on one arm before cautiously reaching out to brush her hair back.

"That's sweet of you to say, but he obviously didn't care what happened to me, to any of us or he would have stayed and got help. He was a good man before...I just...lets talk about something else." She had always seen his suicide as a selfish act. He had been a miserable drunk who took his own life instead of being there for the kids who needed him. Losing one parent was hard enough and he had made it worse on purpose.

"You should get some sleep." He let his fingers move through her hair in a relaxing manner, hoping to lull her into a comforting rest and it wasn't long until her eyes were drifting shut. He gave her credit for trying to fight it but its not like she'd be able to win.

"You're going to leave as soon as I'm asleep." He was a little shocked that she knew but as he stared down at her face a small barely there smile made the corners of his mouth twitch. She was an amazing woman. Sleeping over wasn't a baby step for him though. He knew it wasn't exactly gentlemen like to leave a woman naked on her living room floor to wake up alone but carrying her to bed was out of the question. He wouldn't be able to leave then and he couldn't stay.

"Shh, just rest now." As her breathing evened out and her muscles relaxed, he stood up and found his clothes. A quick trip to her bathroom and he was dressed and ready to leave except he couldn't do it. There was no way he could leave her on the floor. She looked so tiny and fragile when she was sleeping, so beautiful. Quietly he dipped down to his knees once again and gently placed one arm behind her head and the other behind her knees. Once he had a good hold on her, he carefully stood hoping not to move her too much. It would be pointless to wake her up. Once he was standing he realized how light she really was before he eased her down on the couch. It was the next best thing to the bed and it would have to do. He pulled the throw blanket that rested over the back of the couch off and placed it over her, leaning in to tuck the edges around her shoulders. The blanket on the floor could stay there until she moved it, he wasn't about to put it over her after what they had just done on top of it.

Jane watched her snuggle deeper into the warmth of the cover over her naked body before he finally grabbed up his jacket, her spare key and walked out the door. Locking it was what he had in mind when he took the key, he had even planned to slide it back under the door but something made him put it in his pocket instead. Maybe she wouldn't notice it was gone. As he walked away a smidge of guilt started to creep its way into his mind and he fought it with everything he had. He liked Teresa Lisbon, she was the closest thing he had to a best friend and he would not let their...their...whatever it was that they were doing, ruin it.

**a/n: Okay so we have now established that Jane does feel guilty but his want for her is winning. Funny how he feels guilty and she's thinking she's being selfish. Oh gosh those two. They write themselves really. That doesn't make everything all happy go-lucky obviously. We still have a ways to go for that but don't worry it will all be worth the wait in the end. That's a guarantee. Check out my new story Monsoon. Its a spin off of the chapter three one shot in Obvious. ~ Rina**


	4. Ladies In Red

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I have to live with the fact that it's not mine.**

**A/N: This one was a little interesting to type. The episode wasn't exactly filled with Jisbon moments. Enjoy. Not completely happy with this one but its as good as it can get plus it adds to the plot for the next few chapters. So keep that in mind while reading. I apologize ahead of time for Lisbon's behavior but lets face it; everybody has moments of self created drama. A bit OOC but not horribly so.**

Lisbon couldn't believe she had actually let herself think that maybe Jane was starting to care about her. She was so stupid sometimes. He had practically flaunted the fact that he was soft on the victims widow Jennifer, and to be honest it had stung. It hurt a little more than she wanted to admit. She had hid it from him but it didn't make her feel any better. She wanted to punch him or shoot him. Maybe even jump him when he was pretending to sleep on his stupid couch. How was it so easy for him to act so nonchalantly about what they had done, what they had been doing? She had known going into this kind of thing with him, that it was a horrible idea but she couldn't bring herself to say no. It might have been because of sorry she felt for him or it might have been because she needed somebody every now and then too. Either way she hated that she was so emotionally invested when he clearly wasn't. He was always so sweet and gentle with her and she hated that too. Okay, she loved it, but if he wasn't so sweet about it then hating him would be a lot easier. She had thought that they had a breakthrough last time, when he said that he was trying, he had apologized for not being what she wanted and she was sure that it wouldn't be so hard after that. This proved that she had been wrong. Lisbon knew that none of this was actually the reason she was so angry with him or herself.

She wasn't sure why she was mad but she figured it might have to do with the fact that Jane was avoiding her. After the case he'd brushed her off and left rather quickly, excusing himself with a 'I have somewhere to be'. Was that his way of saying they were done having sex? After just twice? She had really thought that it was different last time, that maybe he might care for her too. She hated sounding like some terrible romance movie. Why did Jane bring that out in her?

A knock at the door made her flick off the TV. She knew who was on the other side, and he wasn't coming inside tonight. She didn't want to have sex with him right now and he could just deal with that.

"Lisbon? I know you're in there. I know you aren't asleep, come on open up. I need to talk to you." She scoffed at the term 'talk' but found herself walking towards his voice anyway. What was wrong with her? She had sworn she wasn't letting him in and yet here she was pulling the door open to reveal a very disheveled Patrick Jane. To be honest, he looked horrible. She had never seen him like this before.

"What do you want Jane?" True to her word, she didn't actually let him inside.

"I need to...can I come in?"

"No, not tonight." He nodded his head slowly trying to understand what she meant and then it hit him. He only came by for sex and she thought that's what he wanted this time as well.

"I just want to talk." The look in his eyes was breaking down her wall and she knew she'd end up letting him through the door before this conversation was over. Cautiously, almost as if afraid of what he might do, she let him brush past her. That was probably her first big mistake of the night. The second was sitting next to him on the couch, rather closely, waiting for the 'talk' he seemed so desperate to have.

"You came to talk Jane, so talk and then leave."

"I know you were jealous..."

"If this is what you came to say then you need to go." She was angry, he could tell and it was starting to make him just as angry. He came to talk to her, to tell her that she still would've been his choice but no she had to act cold, distant and rude.

"Would you listen for five damn minutes woman? Just listen." He waited a few seconds to see if she'd protest but apparently his sudden outburst had managed to stun her into silence. "Now I came to say you had no reason to be jealous. She killed her husband, and I knew she had done it."

"You said you were soft on her." It was when she said those words then ducked her head shamefully that he realized Lisbon cared for him a lot more than he'd originally believed. His heart was screaming at him to ease her worrisome mind, to tell her that he cared about her just as much but he couldn't do it. His mouth couldn't form the words and now wasn't the time to say it anyway. He settled for gently caressing the back of her hand.

"Meh, a little but she tortured a man to death."

"You should go." Lisbon needed him out before she ended up saying something that wouldn't do either of them any good. Admitting to falling in love with him would be disastrous, they weren't in a relationship. It would ultimately destroy them. He still felt guilty, she could see that in his eyes.

"In a minute. I want you to know that I wouldn't be doing this with anyone else. I can't." Lisbon wrenched her hand out of his, standing up to turn her back on him. He hated not being able to see her eyes and he knew she hated the way she was feeling.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better Jane? To know that I'm the only one you can fuck? Wow, I'm flattered." Jane was taken aback by her harsh language, he'd never heard her use that word before.

"What do you want Teresa huh? You're the closest thing I have to a best friend, is that not good enough for you?" The anger was back full force, so was his need for her. He wanted to take her against the wall just so she'd stop yelling at him. It wasn't his fault that he just couldn't do a relationship right now. If he even tried he knew it would end with both of them broken and hurt. When, yes when they started a real relationship he needed them to be sure it's what they both want and that even if it doesn't work out they would still be friends. He knew that eventually, unless she found someone else to be happy with, that he'd want her to be his. It was just a matter of time.

"Just leave." Lisbon was torn, she wanted him to go, but she was also the one who said she didn't want their sexual quests to interfere with their friendship. Yet she was the one letting it. Facing him wasn't an option right now, she wanted some time alone and honestly it had nothing to do with being jealous. It had everything to do with trying to avoiding the fact that she was more hurt than anything. Why couldn't he be soft on her? Damn her stupid feelings.

Something warm and strong wrapped around her waist rather forcefully causing a gasp to leave her lips. His warm breath tickled her neck as he whispered roughly in her ear.

"I'll leave, but this isn't over Teresa. Not by a long-shot. We need each other to keep the demons at bay, you know that. I know this has nothing to do with the case today, you're afraid and you have every right to be but you're not just a toy for me."

"Patrick..."

"Shh, we never talked about what we're doing. We need to. I don't want to stop, I like knowing you're here and that you care about me." A sharp intake of breath was his reply as he pressed his lips to her neck. "If it's a relationship you want then I'm sorry but..."

"I don't. I mean not right now, I just want to keep doing what we're doing but you always feel so guilty and I feel like it's my fault." Relaxing in his arms was easier than she would've liked. Her body always reacted to his, she wished that for once it could ignore the electric touch of his fingers.

"It's not, and you should realize that it's not always about your insecurities Lisbon. I'll see you in the morning." He pressed another kiss to her neck before heading out the door and closing it softly behind him. This wasn't how he had pictured that going. He had wanted to say that she was special to him, he had come over for a shoulder to lean on but somehow they'd never reached that part of the conversation. The part about why he looked so disheveled and teary eyed when he had shown up. He hadn't come for the comfort sex, he had honestly just wanted to talk and maybe crash on her couch. This case had reminded him of the daughter he lost. He missed his little girl, the way her eyes would always light up when he brought her a pink rose every Friday. That was why he came, he was going to share things with Lisbon but she was angry. He knew it wasn't that she was mad at him, but more herself for being what she considered stupid and vulnerable. As he stepped out into the night air he knew that they'd just taken a giant step backwards.

Lisbon hated that she had made him leave, and as she crawled into bed she wondered why he had looked so torn up when she'd opened the door. She hated that she had been so caught up in her own self created drama and hadn't even bothered to see if he was okay. She had been too busy worried about herself. It never crossed her mind until she was almost asleep that Julie Sands might have reminded him of his own daughter. She silently cursed herself for not realizing something so important sooner. Something told her that tonight they had taken a huge step back and it was her fault.

**a/n: Had to throw in the 'f' word there just because I was watching The Craft and hearing Robin Tunney say it is the best thing ever. Anyways, yeah I had to make them take a step backwards in this chapter....I couldn't avoid it and trust me I tried. Lisbon is a little selfish in this one and that wasn't avoidable either, but it fit with the tone and adds to the development. You will see what I mean in the next couple of chapters. Anyways hope you liked this one and next one will be up before Monday I already typed it out. ;) ~ Rina**


	5. Redwood

**Disclaimer: Nope, not owning any bit of it....besides the idea...that is mine. :)**

**A/N: Here we go. This was supposed to be up sooner but fanfic had to freak out on us. I was so upset about that. I'm trying to get this updated every 2 or 3 days now since I have college coming up soon. I want to get as far as possible without delay. :) Hope you like this one. Its fluffy. Well sort of. Pssh, I can't seem to write something that's just fluffy anymore. My muse is in a dark place. **

**Picks up at the ending scenes of Redwood. (the shootout)**

Lisbon felt her blood run cold as all the pieces fit together. She was with the killer and had no idea how this would end. She prayed that Jane wouldn't hang up on her and leave her alone, but honestly he had every right to. She'd been testy with him lately, especially this case. Yeah he had defyed orders and broken the law countless times but that was just Patrick Jane. She knew that and still she'd been rude to him when he said he didn't tell her so she could have deniability. She should've been grateful.

"Okay. Good. Listen, tell Rigsby, Teresa needs his help." A few seconds of silence passed as she let Jane take in the information. "Me? I'm at the Eagle Pine Lodge off route six." She heard his muttered reply and slid the phone in her pocket. There was something comforting about knowing he was still on the other end.

Jane hadn't been in such a great mood lately, well with Lisbon anyway. It was technically her fault, she was acting so cold towards him but now here he was, worried sick at the thought of her being in trouble. This woman was going to be the death of him. He heard her try to talk the man down while he pressed conference and dialed Rigsby. He was so busy listening to every word, every breath she let out that he had almost forgotten he was supposed to be relaying information. The man on the other line seemed confused when he rattled off the address until he mentioned that Lisbon needed his help. He didn't give Rigsby a chance to say anything before ending the call, right as the sound of a shot followed closely by another came through the speaker. He jumped, literally. It had his heart racing in his chest at the thought of who might be wounded or worse. No, he couldn't think like that. This was Lisbon, she was fine. She was always fine, she had to be. He needed to talk to her.

"Lisbon?" He could rustling but absolutely nothing else and he knew that at any second his heart was going to beat itself right out of his chest. He tried again a little louder, hoping that she wasn't hurt. "Lisbon?"

"Shhh." He had never been so happy to hear her shush him. Always being the thinker, he came up with a quick plan involving her phone. It was a win/lose situation. It would buy her some time but he'd lose contact with her. As much as he hated the thought of not knowing if she'd be okay or not, he knew it had to be done. That didn't make it easy to give up the connection. He wanted Lisbon safe in his arms not in the middle of a life threatening situation.

There was no way either of them knew it would work but it was worth a shot, thankfully he fell for it and Lisbon got the chance to slip out the door and wait for him to do the same. She wanted this bastard to rot for what he had done and for what he was trying to do to her. She was beyond relieved when he came through the door giving her the upperhand while Rigsby decided to join their little party. Letting out the breath she'd been holding since the shoot out started, she felt a tugging sensation in her heart. One thought entered her mind well more like one person. Jane, she wanted Jane.

**xXxXxXxMentalistxXxXxXx**

It was hours later, the next morning before she got any alone time with Jane. It wasn't really alone time, they were just going to be sharing the car on the way back. It would still prove to be interesting. She'd seen the looks he'd been giving her and it shouldn't have made her blush and mutter excuses like 'I'm fine' but it did. He looked like he was afraid she'd disappear at any second if he didn't continue to watch her. Hoping to distract him from those thoughts she brought up the cell-phone trick that they pulled. He claimed to invent it on the spot and she had politely shot him down saying she'd seen it done hundreds of times on TV. The only down side to starting that conversation was that it ended quickly. He ended it and she wished it would have kept going. It gave them something to talk about besides what had happened just a few days ago in her living room.

The uncomfortable silence in the car was killing Jane slowly. Normally he didn't mind sitting in silence with Lisbon, she was good company without saying a word but this was thick heavy silence. The kind that dripped with the need of things to be said but nobody had the courage. He had the urge to ask her to pull over but pushed it away quickly. It wasn't like him to be so quiet on these drives but he was in a somber mood really. The case had caused a shoot out with Lisbon as the main target and had proved as yet another reminder of his daughter. This time it had been an actual memory that invaded his mind like a type of foggy day dream. It had hurt him to remember the good times, the pride in his little girls tiny voice at learning something new.

"Lisbon?" Turning to watch her, he was shocked at how softly his voice came out.

"Hm?"

"I came by that night to talk about some things. Things I've never told anyone but..." She knew exactly what he was talking about, he could tell by the recognition that dawned on her face as she kept her eyes one the road and cut him off before he could go any further.

"I'm sorry I was so angry with you, no not even with you. I was angry at myself and I took it out on you. I'm sorry."

"When I was at the hospital with Nicole, someone was playing the piano." A frown settled across Lisbon's features as she tried to figure out the meaning of his seemingly out of nowhere statement. "Furelise, Beethoven. My daugther was getting really good at playing that one. She loved the piano, took after her mother in that sense." Before she could stop herself she let her hand reach over to intertwine with his. It was a intimate gesture that neither of them fought. It was nice and they needed it.

"You don't have to tell me these things Patrick. I mean, you can if you want to, but you don't _have_ to. I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything." It was a little weird to have this kind of conversation while in a car, driving down the highway but then again, when had they ever done anything normally?

"I want to." The silence started to settle around them once again but Jane wouldn't have it this time. "So are you hungry?"

"Not really, but I could use something to drink. There's a gas station, they have food. Is that okay?" Honestly he didn't care where they stopped as long as they both got out so he could hold her for a few minutes. Prove to himself that she was uninjured, that she was alive. The warmth of her hand in his and the pulse he could feel from her wrist just weren't enough.

"Sounds good." A genuine smile graced her lips as she swerved across two lanes to get to the exit.

Lisbon decided it was a cute little rest stop that was probably overlooked more than it was used. Such a shame, some of the best places to go were the small places. Following Jane's example she found herself getting out of the car, and heading inside. Except she didn't make it through the door before his hand caught hers and pulled her into his arms. She wanted to protest, demand what was going on but she kept her mouth shut. This was what she'd been wanting for hours now, and apparently she wasn't the only one. He tightened his arms around her waist as she closed her eyes and just took in the sensations he evoked. She breathed him in, relaxing, practically melting into his embrace.

"You have no idea how happy I am that you're okay." His words were rough with raw emotion, making her cling to him even more. Her fists clenched in his jacket as she burried her face in his chest. This was the closest they'd been all week and the contact was welcome, it was needed. "If you'd been hurt, or worse..."

"I was scared." Jane knew it was a big deal for her to admit feeling vulnerable and yet this time the words had just slipped out. He knew she hadn't thought about it, she just felt comfortable enough with him to let him know. Hanging on to her for dear life in a gas station parking lot probably wasn't the best way to convey what he was feeling but he figured she got the message. Breathing in the scent of her shampoo, he could faintly feel her heart beating against his chest. He knew she was alive, he could feel it. This wasn't a dream, she had made it out of that mess unscathed and he didn't need to worry anymore. The seconds passed turning into minutes and neither one of them moved. A few people passed by, those people stared but it went unnoticed by the pair. In these stolen moments the only thing they cared about was each other. The problems they were having weren't fixed but for the time being a band aid had been placed over them, in hopes to help them heal.

**a/n: Next up, one of my favorite episodes. ~ Rina**


	6. Red Handed

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. :)**

**A/N: Wooo! New chapter! I'm excited about this one. I love this episode. It just had so many possibilities but I thought a little angry passion was the way to go. Hope you enjoy this. It's late and I can't sleep. If you see any typos feel free to point them out kindly and I'll fix them. I write these really late at night so forgive my small mistakes. I have a horrible tendency to leave words out.:)**

Lisbon had no idea if Jane would appreciate what she was about to do but she really didn't care. This was going to be payback for the emeralds. She didn't know what he had been thinking when he bought them but when she had opened that white box her heart had skipped a beat. He had bought her jewelry, sure he got everyone else something too but she honestly believed that was only for cover. Every fiber in her being wanted to keep the gorgeous set but she knew she couldn't. It was wrong and what kind of example would she be setting if she excepted a gift so elaborate?

He really wasn't helping much with her plan to keep her emotions in check. Random bed buddies did not buy you jewelry, they didn't hold you close when you were having a bad day and they didn't take things slow and gentle between the sheets while refusing to kiss you. Tonight she was going to be in charge, she just hoped he wouldn't freak out and run. Waiting outside his hotel room door probably wasn't the best way to keep rumors from starting but she didn't care. It didn't matter what people thought at this point in their relationship. Whether he wanted to admit it or not that's what they had but she'd let him keep believing it was only to take away the ache. She wouldn't tell him that they were in engaging in a very odd, very different kind of relationship but nonetheless it's what they were doing. Stopping by for comfort sex was still considered a type of relationship and hopefully he knew that there would be no easy way out of it.

Their eyes met as he walked down the corridor to his room, she held the gaze as he pulled a key-card from his pocket. One swipe and the door was open. He didn't ask questions as he let her enter first, neither said a word. It was silent and it was comfortable. Jane couldn't believe she'd been waiting outside of his room and Lisbon couldn't believe he hadn't teased her about it.

"You okay Lisbon?" He asked as he closed the door and spun to face her. A small smile tilted the corners of her mouth as she nodded her head.

"Teresa." She mumbled halfway hoping he wouldn't hear it but this was Patrick Jane.

"Hm?"

"You said we're Jane and Lisbon at work but when we're like this, it's just Patrick and Teresa." A look of understanding crossed his features as he slipped his jacket and vest off. Casting them off to the side he took three long strides towards her, stopping only when he was inches from being pressed up against her body.

"Why on Earth did you buy me emeralds?" It was something she hadn't been planning on asking but the question just sort of popped out before she could even think about it.

"I knew they'd look beautiful with your eyes." Lisbon didn't protest when his hands came to rest on her hips, the touch was welcomed. It set her body ablaze in anticipation of what was to come.

"Patrick I'm serious." Despite her words, she leaned into him letting their bodies brush. She knew why she was here, he did too and neither of them were going to put it off very long. The conversation was becomming mindless dribble that they didn't really care about as the fire started to rush through their veins. Jane didn't know it but he was now an addiction of sorts for her. Almost a punishment.

"I saw them and they reminded me of you, I wanted to get you something nice."

"You already gave me the three-hundred dollars you promised. That was nice." Before Lisbon could even try to control herself, her fingers started to work at the buttons of his shirt. The other times they'd had sex, he was always on top, always in charge but tonight she planned to show him that it didn't have to be so serious all the time.

"That's only money. Cho and Rigsby kept their watches." He wasn't saying it to try and guilt trip her about giving the necklace and earrings back, he was honestly just saying whatever came to mind now that her hands had tore away his shirt and were currently skimming up and down his chest.

"More power to them." The sight in front of her eyes was one that she'd never get used to, Patrick Jane unbuttoned. It was probably her favorite way to see him and she already knew that this was going to be fun. It'd be different and hopefully he liked it. Besides what fun was being friends with benefits if you couldn't have some fun? She let her hands brush up and down his sides, letting them toy with the button on his slacks before sliding all the way back up and over his shoulders. The slight hitch in his breath when they ran over his nipples brought a playful grin to her face. "I want tonight to be fun Patrick, no seriousness, no guilt, just enjoy."

"Teresa, we're just now getting back on track. I'm not..."

"Please try, I want to know what it would be like without the weight of the world on our shoulders." Something in his demeanor changed in a split second and before she knew what was happening he had her backed into the wall. He looked angry almost livid and she didn't know where it was coming from but the look in his eyes sent heat pooling between her thighs instantly.

"We don't get to know, we can't make the world disappear just because! Sticking our heads in the sand does not make..."

"Don't you dare get mad at me! I'm trying to make this easier for you dammit!" Out of all the reactions she had been anticipating, this was not one of them. Anger wasn't something he ever really directed at her and she wasn't about to let him off easy by apologizing for trying something new. His hands clawed at her shirt tugging it out of her pants and pulling it up in one quick motion.

"Easier? Every second with you makes things harder!" She wanted to be hurt by his statement but the only thing she was feeling was horny and angry. He couldn't get her bra off fast enough and when the fabric finally fell to the floor she realized something she considered ironic. She wanted to have sex, without being so guilty and serious and now they were about to engage in angry passionate sex.

"Just shut up. I don't want to fight you." Wrapping one arm around his neck she pulled his head down to her chest, demanding attention.

"You'd lose." He nipped at her flesh, none too gently taking pleasure in the strangled moan it tore from her throat. He wasn't necessarily only angry with her, he was angry at the situation they'd put themselves in, angry at the world for always pretending to be so happy, angry at the words she had said and angry at himself for being angry with the only person who made him feel human.

"Like hell I would." Lisbon wanted this, however wrong it was of her she wanted to stay angry at him, she wanted him to take her against the wall in a moment of blind passionate anger. "It's not like I'm asking you to do much."

"Teresa just stop. Okay? Stop." His voice was muffled by her skin but she felt each word as he punctuated them with a hard suck to her breast. She was melting into him, enjoying every second of the pleasurable roughness. As she awkwardly stumbled out of her shoes, her hands found the zipper to his slacks. The pants dropped within moments, and she dipped her hands into the waistband of his underwear. She was becoming braver in their sexual escapades and judging by the way his hips jerked at her touch, he was enjoying it. Nothing like a little heated conversation to turn a person on. Judging by the firm length in her small hand, he was definitely enjoying it. He seemed stunned by her touch at first but quickly regained composure and unbuttoned her black jeans. She started to protest when he pulled her hand away from his erection but she stopped when he started taking her pants the rest of the way off. It was so unlike Jane to be rough with her but his groping fingers and sharp tugs had her aching for him and they weren't even naked yet. There was something about this side of him that was alluring, daring and dangerous.

"I..."

"No, just hush." Her panties were the next to go and she didn't even try to bite back the groan when he let his fingers skim her core. She knew she was ready for him, she could feel the damp heat but he didn't seem satisfied. Lisbon wanted to argue with him, wanted to moan his name and beg him for some kind of relief. In the end her want took over her body.

"Patrick..." One hand found her right breast, kneading it teasingly while the other found the inside of her leg brushing along from knee to thigh. He pushed her further into the wall as he let his lips find the hardened pink nipple of her left breast. "Damn you, either hurry it up or I'm leaving."

It was an empty threat, both knew she wouldn't carry it out. She was too into this and he wasn't going to let go of her any time soon. The two fingers tracing the inside of her thigh made an abrupt change of route and ended up buried inside of her without any warning. She gripped tighter at his shoulders throwing her head back against the wall with a thud, arching her body into his. This was new and she was loving it, he was being forceful but not enough to actually hurt her. It was nice to see him being something other than guilt stricken and ashamed. She could feel herself building up to her first orgasm as he continued to bite and suck at her neck and chest. The burning in the pit of her stomach flared with each thrust of his fingers and just when she could feel the beginning of what was sure to be an eruption, he stopped. Her eyes flew open to meet his as she gasped for air and tried to pull him closer. The need for him had never been this strong before and when he pulled away to push his underwear down, she groaned in disapproval.

"Do you always get this turned on when you're angry?" He was teasing and it made the anger she had been feeling towards him rise back up to the surface. He had nerve to try and be playful after everything he'd just said. Ignoring his witty question she tugged him closer when he was within reach and pressed her bare body into his. Her senses were in over drive, she could feel every inch of his skin against hers and she only wanted more. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen tonight, this was better. His hands found their way to her hips as he hoisted her up against the wall. The cool sheet rock was a delicious contrast to the heat of her skin and as she wrapped her legs around his waist she silently wondered if he was angry about the necklace too.

Lisbon's lips found his neck as one swift thrust submerged him deep inside of her. The cry she tried to let out was muffled by his skin but his moan filled the air easily. Both of them hoped the walls were thicker than they appeared to be. Rigsby was in the next room and neither wanted to explain what was going on between them to anyone on the team, let alone Rigsby. The anger was waning but the passion was still there behind each movement of his hips. The speed and momentum of each rocking motion kept her pinned against the wall in delightful ecstasy as she scraped her nails down his back. They'd been slow and gentle before, never this uninhibited and fast. Rough was the best way to describe the way they were going at it. She was meeting each thrust with one of her own, equally as forceful. It no longer mattered that they were mad, it had been a precursor to this and therefore worth every angry word.

Jane found himself barely able to hold out. This was a lot different than anything he'd done lately and he'd be lying if he said that he wasn't already about to explode before he had even managed to get inside of her. The words she spat at him had been the deal breaker. She was hot when she was angry. Her chest heaved a little more bringing attention to her gorgeous rounded breasts, and her eyes flashed with a spark that just asked to be challenged. Thankfully he knew she was just as close to losing it as he was, the joys of being incredibly horny for the last few days. All he had dreamed about was touching her creamy smooth skin, feeling it beneath his fingertips and now here she was. He wrapped one arm around her waist to steady her as he leaned his other against the wall, placing his hand right next to her face.

Lisbon couldn't hold on much longer, she had to bite her lip to keep from crying out when he sped up the rhythm. Their movements became erratic and frenzied, each trying to reach that same goal. Clinging to each other as the first waves of pleasurable relief cut through their bodies, she was the first to fall over the edge arching her back as every muscle in her body tensed. Her fingers dug into his back and scalp as she tugged at his curls, the blinding orgasm tore through her just as she heard a low grumbling from deep in his chest. The warmth of him filled her as he all but collapsed to the ground. Barely able to hold her any longer he let her legs drop from his waist and slowly pulled out of her, making sure she could stand before letting go completely.

"I, uh, whoa."

"Whoa." He couldn't help but echo her sentiments, that had to be the best sex they'd had so far and even though it shouldn't have been he had to say he was glad they had fought. He was glad they had been angry because it had been the perfect distraction and he had finally been able to push the weight of the world off of his shoulders long enough to enjoy a bout of against the wall angry sex. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm great." The anger was completely gone, it'd been replaced the moment the pleasure had started to over take their control. His hand came up to caress her sweaty cheek as he offered a shy smile.

"I didn't hurt you did I?" A warm smile spread over her features as she tried desperately to get her breathing back to normal.

"No."

"Good, you should probably g...I mean it's getting pretty late and the others might think somethings going on between us if you stay any longer." She had already started to gather her clothes off the floor before he could even finish his thought.

"I'm going." It was their unspoken deal to leave right after or soon after. They didn't stay the night, it wasn't in the cards yet. Who knew if it ever would be? All Lisbon knew was that after that last round, there was no way she was ever having sex with anyone else. It was something different and although she loved the slow and easy, the fast and rough had been just as good. Maybe better considering he had actually let go and enjoyed himself, she had seen it. Dressing in front of him didn't bother her a bit but she noticed the ways his eyes followed every move she made.

"Uh, Teresa?" She was almost to the door when his voice made her turn back to the naked man still standing over by the wall they'd just christened. "There's not a, I mean we haven't ever used....is there any chance you'll end up pregnant?"

"Birth control. See you in the morning Jane." She couldn't help but giggle all the way back to her room, he had seemed so flustered at the idea of having to ask her something so personal, and she couldn't help but feel sorry for him. On the bright side she had achieved her goal for this evening, albeit she had to get him angry and flustered first but he'd forgotten the world even if it was only for a little while.

As Jane watched her leave he knew he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight. He needed a shower and then he'd be off to bed to toss and turn and fight with the blankets. It was inevitable. He couldn't believe he'd been angry with her and they'd just exhausted the anger with sex, like it was something they done everyday. Sighing to himself on the way to the bathroom he realized she had got what she wanted; he had managed to forget the world long enough to enjoy what they'd been doing. This was new, this was good.

**a/n: So sorry it took so long on this one, last week got really really crazy. Forgive me. I'll have the first chapter of my new story up this weekend and hopefully another one of these. ~ Rina**


	7. Seeing Red

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. No infringement intended. :)**

**A/N: Alrighty, new chapter! Does anyone enjoy this as much as I enjoy typing it? The ending of Seeing Red always gets to me, I mean come on Jane crying? Way sad. :( Other parts of the episode are really funny though. **

The case had been wrapped up, all that was left was packing up and heading home for the night. Lisbon was in a good mood, a great one. She might even consider it phenomenal and now she was on her way to find Jane. Their round of angry sex only seemed to bring them closer and it'd be a lie if she said she wasn't hoping that one day he'd get up enough courage to kiss her. She wasn't about to be the one to initiate the contact when he acted like it was a sacred thing, she knew that something so small was special to him. It would be cold hearted and inconsiderate of her if she just trampled his feelings for a little lip locking. She cared about him way too much to even think of doing something like that.

She wasn't entirely sure why she was in a good mood but she wanted to share it with the one person she was closest to, and a nice dinner sounded like a great way to do so. Nothing fancy just a meal at her place, maybe they could cook together. Friends did that kind of thing, well she hoped they did. Stepping into the bullpen she looked around for the consultant but he wasn't anywhere to be seen. A slight frown took over her features, she knew he was still somewhere around.

"Van Pelt, have you seen Jane?" The red head dropped her gaze to the floor for a few seconds before answering quietly.

"Uh, he's kind of busy."

"I need to talk to him." Glancing around, she scanned the surrounding area for any signs of the man she wanted to see but there was nothing.

"Boss, I'm not sure that's a good idea." Meeting Van Pelt's gaze, she noticed the uneasiness lingering there. A thousand scenarios starting playing in her mind and none of them were good.

"Why not?"

"I really feel wrong telling you this, but he's upset."

"Okay?" Lisbon wasn't sure what the young agent meant by 'upset', and she needed to know. She needed to find him and she needed to make sure he was alright.

"Crying upset. Kristina Frye came out of the room he's in and when I walked by he was..." Lisbon was already heading towards the room marked two-hundred and nine before Grace could even finish her sentence. Watching her boss practically run for the closed door made Van Pelt realize how close they really were. It made her think for a few seconds that maybe they were more than friends but she quickly shook the thought from her brain and went back to her desk.

Lisbon didn't hear anything after the word 'crying'. Her good mood dimenished in two seconds, the thought of Jane being that upset made her feel like tearing up. She had noticed the way Grace glanced at the interrogation room and before she could stop herself that's where she headed. Her feet were carrying her there rather quickly while her brain was trying to think up something to say that might make him feel a little better. Drawing a blank, she eased the door open and quietly stepped in through before closing it quickly. Jane didn't notice, or he just didn't care. She didn't know which. Her heart broke with each shake of his shoulders. Each quiet sob left an unpleasant aching in her chest. She didn't know what to do. His back was facing her and she wasn't sure if she should step around him to make her presence known or just say something.

One of her hands seemed to have a mind of its own as it reached forward and gently touched him. It was a simple gesture that made him aware of her, she just hoped he knew how badly she wanted to take his pain away. He didn't turn to face her and both of them were okay with that. Her hand slid around to his chest as the other one made the same path on the opposite side. The table he was perched on sort of got in the way of what she was trying to do but she made it work. Pressing as much of herself as she could into his back, she rested her forehead between his shoulder blades. The warmth of one of his hands covering her own proved that she was doing something right and next thing she knew he was tugging her around to the front. Their eyes met, his teary and hers sympathetic and before either one could say anything they met in the middle for a desperate embrace. Jane clung to her small frame like she was his only hope for survival as he let all the tears he'd been trying to hold in finally break free. He was making it hard for her to breathe but she didn't care. The only thing she was paying attention to was the way he buried his face in her neck and the way running her fingers through his hair seemed to calm him down. She wanted to tell him that it would be okay, that they'd get through it together but she couldn't force herself to form the words.

After what felt like hours of standing there, his tears had stopped but their comforting embrace remained. Neither of them wanted to be the first to break contact but eventually Lisbon began to pull away.

"What did Kristina say to you?" Lisbon didn't know if she wanted to punch the woman for upsetting him this deeply or to thank her for making him face something that was obviously bothering him.

"Only what I wanted to hear." Knowing that was the best answer she'd be getting for the time being, Lisbon let it go. He'd talk when he was ready and she'd be there when he did. A slightly awkward silence built between them as they continued to just stare at each other. It was a little odd to be on opposite sides, usually he was the one comforting her but this time the tables had been turned. She was about to state something close to that fact when her stomach decided to make itself known in the conversation. A loud gurgling noise broke the heavy tension filled silence making them both share a smile. "Hungry?"

"A little, I was actually coming to ask you if you'd like to come with me to my place for some food."

"I think that sounds like a lovely idea." His voice was raw with emotion from the tears he'd shed but it made each word he spoke hold a deeper meaning. Carefully stepping away from him, Lisbon led the way out of the room and to the elevator. She ignored the stares from their colleagues and random people walking by. It wasn't any of their business why he looked like he'd been crying or why they were leaving together.

It wasn't until they climbed in the car that she realized she didn't really feel like cooking now, the fun aspect of it had been drained and it didn't look like it would be coming back anytime soon. She chose to wait until they were in her living room to even bring up the possibility of ordering take-out. She wanted him to stay for a while and the only way to do that was to make sure he came in the first place. It was all too easy to just grab a bite somewhere else and part ways for the night.

"Is Chinese okay? I really don't feel like making anything."

"Do you have cheese, bread, and butter?" His question came out of no where and she had to think for a few minutes to even remember if she had any of the items he'd named.

"Uh, yeah I think so."

"I think grilled cheese sounds better than Chinese right now. I'll make them, just show me where to find everything." He was already headed to the kitchen before she could utter another word. Following closely, she made her way over to the stove. It was odd to think of somebody else cooking her food in her own home but it was also really nice. It was something she could get used to. He found the bread and butter with no problems as well as the cheese but silverware had proved to be an issue until she pointed to the drawer to the right of the sink. Lisbon handed him a skillet before hopping up on the counter to sit. It was something she'd always done when her mother would bake cookies on Monday afternoons and sitting up there now just made her feel young again.

"Thanks for offering to cook."

"Meh, its nothing fancy." She nodded in agreement as he worked on buttering the slices of bread. It was only after she noticed he'd been buttering the same one for five minutes that she started to worry. "Kristina Frye told me she'd talked to my wife, said that my little girl didn't wake up. She didn't feel anything."

"Jane..."

"How do you like your grilled cheese? Golden or almost black?" He ended the moment before it could begin, he just didn't want to show weakness twice in one night. Lisbon knew exactly what he was doing and chose not to call him on it. She felt privileged just knowing he trusted her enough to tell her that much.

"Uh, almost black." He placed one of the sandwiches into the skillet and let it sizzle. The spatula found residence on the counter next to Lisbon's thigh as he made his way to stand between her legs. She wanted to speak but he leaned forward before she had the chance. His face was so close to hers, she could feel his breath fanning out against her skin. A tingling sensation spread through her entire body when he brought his hand up to brush over her lips, and she willed herself not to lose control this time. Sex was not the answer to everything.

"Patrick we really..." His gaze dropped to her mouth and suddenly she was very aware of everything around her. The smell of the cooking grilled cheese, the crackling noise it made in the skillet and the burning of his thumb across her bottom lip. Jane made sure he had her full attention before letting his nose brush against hers. Only a few more centimeters and they'd be sharing their first kiss. "uh, we, um..."

"I know, not tonight." Working up the courage he needed, he leaned the rest of the way in and gently pressed his lips to the corner of her mouth. It wasn't the kiss either of them were craving but it was something. It was progress and it felt amazing. It was lacking the full on contact but neither of them cared. This was new and Lisbon could care less that only the very corners of their lips were touching, it was still something they'd never shared before. When he pulled back to look her in the eye, they were both slightly shocked by the step forward they'd just taken.

"You're going to burn my grilled cheese." A chuckle left his lungs as her stomach growled just to punctuate her statement.

"I won't burn your food. Promise." For the first time that night, he smiled. A real genuine smile that faded slightly when his thoughts took over. "I was wondering if I could stay here tonight..on the couch. I want the couch."

"You're welcome to stay anywhere you want." Lisbon would be lying if she said she wasn't silently hoping he'd choose to stay in the bed. She knew in the end he would be on the couch and she'd be alone in her room. The bright side was that he'd be there in the morning when she woke up. Was she the only one who noticed that they had started to spend more and more time together without it revolving completely around sex?

**a/n: I am so excited that this story pulls over 1,000 readers with each update! Plus the 10+ reviews are AMAZING. If you're a reader drop me a line or two, I like to know who to thank for taking time out of their day to read my stories. I accept anonymous reveiws! Oh, and some of you might be wondering if they are ever going to actually kiss...well yes, but obviously not in this chapter...soon though. It'll be worth the wait. Plus come on, that corner of the lips kiss was great. :) ~ Rina**


	8. The Thin Red Line

**Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. Just toying around with the characters.**

**A/N: The Thin Red Line...Jane + baby = ADORABLE!! Enough said. Anyone else flippin' excited that the new season starts this month??? I AM! So I'm so excited for it that I decided to write a happier chapter. Hope you like the new turn in the never ending Jisbon road.**

Jane was behind the wheel of his car smiling brightly at the road in front of him while Lisbon was in the passenger seat wearing a frown with her arms crossed over her chest. He'd wrangled her into his vehicle after taking little baby Kayleigh to her grandparents house. The case had been full of rude people, interesting twists, a good punch in the nose and one very adorable baby girl who lost a mother. All in all it had been tiring and now he was taking her somewhere they could relax for a few.

"Where are we going?"

"To the zoo, turns out they really do have new tiger cubs." She wanted to smack him for bringing that back up. She'd been trying to lie without detection but he'd seen right through her. Maybe she really was translucent or maybe only he could tell when she was being dishonest.

"I'm serious, where are we going?" Much to her dismay he remained silent for the rest of the drive to wherever it was they were headed to. So she opted for loud sighing every five minutes apart hoping he'd just give in and tell her. About thirty minutes had passed before she found herself slowly turning to face him completely shocked at where they were.

"What?" Instead of answering she whacked him in the arm playfully and climbed out of the car. He followed and pressed his hand to the small of her back as they were walking. He was becoming a lot more comfortable with the idea of touching her given what they'd been doing for a few months. He was learning to push all guilt aside and ignore it while with her. Sometimes it still seeped back through the cracks but it was easier now. The corner of the mouth kiss they'd shared in her kitchen just days ago was still fresh in his mind which helped block out everything else. The sidewalk in front of them led to the place they'd come to see and he hoped this wasn't too presumptuous or cheesy of him. Within minutes of stolen glances and smiles they were standing in front of the Tiger Exhibit watching the cubs with their mother. Whether she had wanted to believe him or not, he'd been serious about the zoo.

"You're something else Jane." Her words jarred him from his thoughts and brought his gaze to her smiling face. She looked so beautiful standing there ignoring him, watching the tigers. She let out a quiet giggle as she pointed at something going on in the cage. He didn't look, he didn't care. The urge to pull her close and do wonderful things to her body hit him full force but he wouldn't. They were in public and he knew she wouldn't appreciate getting arrested for such inappropriate behavior. Although the way he looked at it the bears had been going at it when they walked by and nobody was arresting them. Maybe that wasn't the best way to see things, but he was positive it wasn't his brain that came up with such a ridiculous thought. Getting control of his raging need, he simply slipped his hand into hers intertwining their fingers in the process. She turned to face him with a look of confusion that was quickly replaced by a tilt of her lips when he shrugged casually and gripped her hand tighter. It might have been just a small gesture but they both knew what it meant for them. It was something bigger than just hand holding. It was him letting go of another tiny piece of the guilt, the pain and taking a step forward in the right direction.

"Thanks for bringing me here, even if this is kind of weird." He laughed at the hesitation in her voice on the word 'weird' and found that he liked the way her face scrunched at trying to find the right term to use. He wasn't sure what this meant yet. "It's still sweet."

"You're welcome. I thought it'd be nice for us to do something besides just..." He censored himself with a clearing of the throat when he remembered there were little kids around.

"What exactly have we ventured ourselves into? This started as just, yeah and now it's...I don't know."

"Me neither. I'm just going with the day to day and what makes me feel human again. Sharing things with you about my life, about my family, that makes me feel different than before. I don't know if better is a word to describe it or not." Her head tilted slightly to the left as she let her gaze catch his.

"Does it make it easier?" Jane could tell by the change in her tone that she wasn't necessarily talking about him anymore. She was genuinely curious about if sharing things really did help like people say.

"You can tell me anything Teresa."

"I uh, I was twelve when my mother was killed." That was all she said and he knew that maybe later there would be more to the story but for now that's all she wanted to say. Probably to test the theory. If it did indeed make some of the weight off of her chest then she'd more than likely tell him something else. This was her way of taking a step forward.

"Let's sit down for a bit." Their hands remained firmly locked together as he led her over to the bench on the other side of the walkway. It was a shaded area with the exhibit still in view. She didn't act like she wanted to see any other animals and he didn't ask; tigers seemed to be their thing for this day.

He brought their hands to his lap, gently brushing up and down her arm with his free hand, hoping to provide a sense of comfort. She leaned her weight against his shoulder and tentatively reached out to touch his nose, unlacing their hands in the process. Jane instantly missed the warmth of her hand in his but he didn't say anything. It wasn't that he didn't want to, but he couldn't; the look of compassion in her eyes as she ran her fingers across his nose silenced any words from being spoken.

"Does it hurt?" He loved her voice, always had, but it was even sexier when she was speaking softly. She was so different than anyone he'd ever had the pleasure of meeting, sure there were people she reminded him of but Teresa Lisbon was definitely one of a kind. Her gentle prodding fingers hit a tender spot just to spite him for thinking about saying no.

"Ow, only when you poke at it." She turned her body towards him and with a hand on each side of his face, she let her thumb caress the slope of his nose gently. There was some slight bruising and swelling that made her worry but other than that he seemed fine.

"Sorry. This is what you get for being so annoying to others."

"I annoy you and you haven't punched me." Her gaze lifted to meet his eyes for a are-you-kidding stare before her lips curved into a smile. The only thing Jane had on his mind was the kiss they'd shared, it wasn't a full on kiss but he thought it was much more special than anything they'd done together and seeing her smiling so much today took him right back to that moment in her kitchen.

"Only because I know it's pointless."

"Ow! Okay, okay. My nose is fine, stop touching it." He grabbed her wrists to pull her hands away while pulling her closer in the process. She struggled against his hold for a whole two seconds, smiling the entire time before leaning forward to rest her lips against the bridge of his nose. "You're awfully happy today Lisbon."

"Yeah, yeah I am." She couldn't help but be overwhelmed, even though only moments ago she'd told him something painfully personal. She was happy to be at the zoo with him, and maybe she shouldn't have but she counted it as a date. A little nagging voice had been presented itself by reminding her that she was only setting herself up to be hurt but she shoved it aside by taking Jane's hand and pulling him up off the bench. Neither of them said anything as she led them over to the gift shop but once inside he wouldn't stop staring at her and frankly it was a little unnerving. "Stop staring at me."

"You should get the little one. You don't really want the giant tiger, it doesn't suit you so get the little one. Do you have a thing with tigers?"

"I hate it when you do that." Mentally kicking herself for listening to him, she picked up the tiny stuffed tiger that was no bigger than her hand. Before she could protest, he was taking it from her and pulling out his wallet.

"Do you? Hm."

"Oh, no don't even think about it." Jane wanted to do something nice for her and as soon as she snatched the plushy object from his hand he was pulling it right back.

"What?"

"Its mine, I'll pay for it."

"Oh come on, it's just a stuffed animal. The only reason you're getting it is to remember today, which was my idea, so I'll pay. It's not like its an expensive jewelry set." Reluctantly she let the fluffy tiger go. He just had to bring up the emeralds. Crossing her arms over her chest she stood in line next to him as he offered the five bucks to the cashier who smiled brightly at the pair. Jane smiled back but Lisbon was too busy glaring at him to pay attention to anything else. As soon as he handed the tiger back to her, the expression on his face changed. He was no longer smiling; he had a certain look in his eye. A predatory look. "See, not so hard to let someone do something nice fo you."

"Shut up and don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" The hand he kept on the small of her back gently directed her to the door. He had something else planned for the rest of their evening and it didn't involve the zoo anymore.

"That! Like you...ugh, like you want me." She whispered the last part hoping nobody else in the gift shop would hear and thankfully no one did or if they did then they just didn't care. The pathway to the door quickly changed when he spun her around abruptly and tugged her into the private bathroom.

"I do want you."

"You're insane, we're not doing this here." Despite the words leaving her mouth she was already tugging at his vest; his lips already sucking softly at her neck. "Someone probably saw us come in here."

"Shhh. It's a bunch of teen kids...they don't care. No one saw anything." Jane backed her into one of the walls and let his hands drift to the button on her pants.

"I do, Patrick....we have to stop." He snickered when her arms wound around his waist to pull him closer. She really wasn't enforcing the need to stop. His kisses trailed up her neck, across her jaw and landed on the corner of her mouth. That was his new favorite place to rest his lips. "I'm not having sex with you in a dirty bathroom."

"Looks clean." Her protests died as soon as he tugged her pants down to her knees and his hand snuck its way between her thighs. The rest of her clothes stayed in place but his wandering mouth and hands left them rumpled. She didn't care anymore that they were still at the zoo, locked in a private bathroom for employees only all she cared about was the feel of him pressed against her. "You wanted us to have fun without the weight of the world...this is fun."

No more words were spoken as she freed him from the tight confines of his slacks, they weren't needed. She knew exactly what he was trying to prove now so she'd let him. This was his way of keeping things light. As he lifted her from the ground, her pants fell to the floor and she wrapped her legs around his waist. She wasn't sure when she'd kicked her shoes off, she couldn't remember; her brain was too fuzzy but as she stared over his shoulder, her eyes threatening to slip shut she could see them by the door. She didn't even know why she was thinking about it, such an odd thought to have when a man was sliding into you, bringing pleasure to your body. Maybe it was her way of keeping things from turning serious. This was simply supposed to be a quickie in a bathroom nothing more, nothing less.

She buried her face into his neck to keep from moaning as he steadily thrust into her. A fleeting thought entered her head about how she really shouldn't be so turned on by going at it in such a place, but he quickly made her forget. One of his hands slipped under her shirt caressing her stomach and pushing against the fabric of her bra. The first touch of his warm hand against the bare skin of her breast made it impossible to think of anything really. He was holding her up, panting her name close to her ear; telling her he wanted to pick up the pace. He was asking if it was okay and Lisbon realized in that moment clinging to him as he pushed into her, that what had started as a way to comfort him, to make him forget had turned into a give and take.

Jane sucked in a sharp ragged breath as she nipped at his neck and softly whispered the word 'yes' against his skin. He didn't need any further encouragement; he knew they needed to hurry and he took pride in the fact that he had her so close in such a short amount of time. Increasing the motion of his hips left her moaning and writhing against him, he felt the first waves of pleasure take over her and leaned back to watch in awe as she let go. She bit her lip to keep from vocalizing her appreciation but he could see it in her eyes. Her eyes had never been open before when he watched her -- he rarely stole glances when she came just to satisfy his need -- and at first it felt too raw, too emotional but he couldn't look away. The emotion behind her gaze made him fall over the edge right behind her. He'd planned to take her to the zoo but he had also planned to drop her off at home afterwards and drive away. Sex hadn't been in the itinerary but she made it so hard when she looked so beautiful all the time.

The only sound filling the small space was their labored breathing and the rustling of fabric. Lisbon couldn't believe what had just happened and despite wanting to be angry about it she found herself laughing quietly.

"We just...oh my God." Jane pressed a sweet kiss to her cheek and untangled himself from her body. "I still have my socks on."

Her simple statement made him join in the laughter as he looked down at her feet to see that she did indeed still have socks on. They made quite the comical site. Still half dressed, disheveled and almost in hysterics at the situation. Lisbon grabbed her underwear and pants from the floor, quickly sliding them back on as he zipped and buttoned his back up. Their faces were flushed but smiles adorned both, and as she put her shoes back on he nuzzled her neck. The feel of his nose gently sliding up and down the back of her ear sent a shiver down her spine.

"You hungry?" His breath tickled her skin and that's when she noticed what was so different. It wasn't that they had sex in a bathroom or even that it was fun instead of so weighed down by emotions. It wasn't that he seemed to touch her a lot more lately either. It was the fact that neither of them were leaving right after, they couldn't. He had driven them and she'd need a ride back; now here he was asking if she was hungry. This would be the first time they'd spent more than five minutes together after having sex. That had to mean something, at least she thought it did.

"I could eat." Jane let her finish with her shoes as he picked up the little stuffed tiger from its resting spot on the sink. "Poor thing...he had a front row seat to a helluva show."

"If he keeps this up you'll need to name him Voyeur." The easy laughter returned for a few seconds before she took the orange tiger from his hands and swiftly opened the door to sneak back out.

"I'm naming him Hugo." He watched her leave and waited roughly six minutes before following the same path. He was happy with the way things went today, this was the first time they actually spent a few hours together having fun before sex and if he had anything to say about it, after sex. Being near her made him happy and he didn't want the guilt and self loathing to come back so soon. That's what always happened either she or he would leave and then he was alone to face the multitude of emotions. He was tired of it and this was his way of trying something new. This didn't mean he'd stay at her place after late night comfort sex, that was still a tad too personal for him.

**a/n: I had to re-watch this episode about four times just for fun. :) ~ Rina**

**I know nothing of the actual zoo they were talking about in the episode...this is all stuff from the zoo where I live. So yeah.**

**Thank you to the following who left awesome reviews; AngelOfDeath07, Penelope Louise, Dory, JocelynMcC, dizzy - in - the -izzy, PhoenixWytch, Viktorija, shopping-luva91, mwalter1, kathiann, JelloFanatic123, lalez, The Septillionaire, meag, anonymous, Jadestar1981. I'm a little behind on thank yous so I thought I'd post this here until I catch up. I appreciate hearing from everyone :).**


	9. Flame Red

**Disclaimer: Still not mine. Get used to this mantra you'll hear it often.**

**A/N: I had big plans for this chapter but it went in an entirely different direction but hey, it worked out really well. I think. It took on a twist of its own but I liked the way it turned out. I used several references from the episode in this, I really couldn't decide on only one moment that I wanted to use so I tried to incorporate all of them. **

**By the way I'm dedicating this chapter to JocelynMcC, here ya go Jo! (He doesn't stay the night but...still. I thought you might really love this one.)**

The rain hammered against the sidewalk, leaving puddles of accumulated water. Lisbon liked the rain, really she did, but she didn't like the legs of her jeans getting soaked and uncomfortable. There was no way to stop the fabric from soaking up the moisture that pooled around her feet and slapped at her legs as she carried the bag of groceries from her car to her door. Key in hand, she reached out to unlock it but found that it already was. She knew she'd locked the door before leaving, she kept her door locked at all times. Being a CBI agent made you aware of the things that could happen if you didn't. Pocketing the keys and grabbing the gun from her waistband, Lisbon quietly turned the knob. Somebody had been in her house or was still in the house and she was not about to alert them to her presence by being loud.

As silently as possible she pushed the door open and crossed the threshold. Heart beating wildly in her chest, sweat forming on her brow she crept her way through the living room. Nothing was out of place in fact it was cleaner than when she'd left. The kitchen was the next room on the checklist. Again it was cleaner than before, her dishes were now stacked neatly in the dish rack. Confusion plagued her mind as she set the bag down and that's when she saw the shoes. Immediately she let out a sigh and layed her gun on the counter. Peeking out from beside the couch were those hideous brown things that Jane always seemed to wear. Of course, she didn't know why she hadn't thought of him to begin with but where exactly was he?

"Jane?" Lisbon was a little pissed that he thought he could just invade her home without asking or being invited. Especially after their earlier conversation involving what he planned to do to Red John when he caught him. She had mentioned she'd arrest him if he succeeded in doing harm to the serial killer but she wasn't so sure she'd really be able to. Could she cuff the man she loved and send him to prison for murdering a psycho pathic killer who murdered his family? In her mind no one deserved murder, it wasn't because she was one of those good people who thought everyone deserved to live. No, it was because she wanted them to suffer for what they had done, she wanted them to live in a cage for the rest of their pathetic lives. Could she send Jane to one of those places full of people just like Red John?

The living room had been empty, so was the kitchen and she had a sneaking suspicion as to where she would find him. That suspicion did nothing to prepare her for the sight she found when she entered her bedroom; Patrick Jane was sleeping under her covers, naked from the waist up and hugging her pillow.

**Two Hours Earlier: **

Jane couldn't think, he couldn't get his mind off of two conversations he'd had with Lisbon. One about Red John and the other about a silly little mind game that left him wondering what she really had been thinking. He hadn't even thought twice about driving to her place or using the key he'd swiped after the second time they'd had sex. The time he'd been there to comfort her, the time he'd left her naked and alone sleeping on the couch while he slipped out the door. If she had noticed the spare was missing she hadn't mentioned it, but he was almost positive she hadn't even missed it.

He knew that this was her grocery shopping day, so he made himself at home by kicking off his shoes next to the couch. He'd been intending to nap there for a while; just until she made it home but it was too quiet. He had borrowed her couch for a night before but she had been in her bedroom. The comfort of knowing she was there had been the only reason he'd slept that night. A tiny voice in the back of his mind kept reminding him how dangerous it was to be feeling this way about Lisbon but once again he ignored it. Sighing roughly, he started organizing the DVDs she had scattered around and put them back on the shelves. It was a five minute job that she obviously just put off considering that they were the same ones that had been there when he'd spent the night.

It was a little past six when he found himself just sitting on the couch staring at the wall. Jane was a nosy person, everybody knew that but he was not about to go through Lisbon's things. Maybe if he didn't know her as well as he did, then he would have but he wanted her trust and that wasn't the way to earn it. Despite telling himself this he wandered into the kitchen with a rumbling stomach to keep him company. Surely she wouldn't mind if he made himself a sandwich and if she did then he would simply charm his way back onto her good side. It was becoming too easy to turn to her, Jane knew he should stop what they were doing but he didn't want to. She was too magnetic, he'd have to chain himself to a tree or someting to stay away. She made him feel alive again even if they were fighting or just having some fun. Either way he didn't want to spend time alone anymore; he liked having someone to share private moments with. The only thing he didn't like was the nagging feeling that she would try to force him to put the past in the past and want him to be with her forever. That sick twisted montage that people believed in until it slipped through their fingers.

His plan to make a sandwich was foiled when he realized there was no bread. Her dishes had become his next priority, there were only a few plates and a couple coffee cups. It was the least he could do for inviting himself into her home. It wasn't until after he was finished that he realized he'd just picked up around her place like he lived there too. He stood around for a few minutes before a little bit of curiosity took over. Before he could stop himself he headed towards her bedroom. He'd sworn to stay out of her stuff but that room just called to him, begged him to invade her privacy just a bit more.

It was nice, cozy and all Lisbon. He could smell the lingering scent of her and found himself subconsciously moving to the bed. That night so many weeks ago when he had sex with her on the living room floor because he couldn't handle the bedroom came to mind. Something told him that it wouldn't be a problem now. The pillow where she lay her head still had the slight indentation from that morning and she hadn't bothered to fix the covers. It gave him an idea. Unbuttoning his vest and shirt, he slid them off, dropped his pants to the floor and crawled onto the mattress.

The bed was a lot more comfortable than he had imagined and despite the fact that his plan involved lying in a sexy pose until she got home, he pulled the blankets up to his waist. Just thinking about the crap she'd give him when she walked through the door had him smiling. Jane could see it now; Lisbon walk in to see him there on her bed and burst out laughing. He'd laugh too of course that was the point of the so called sexy pose, to make her laugh. It was going to be his way of apologizing for the future; for the day she'd have to arrest him. They'd make love and he would hold her until she fell asleep in his arms. It only took him all of five seconds to realize that he had considered them having sex as making love. That was something new and as he slowly drifted off to sleep with the scent of her surrounding him, he pulled her pillow close and smiled. When the day came that she had to cuff him, he wouldn't be sorry for killing Red John but he would be sorry that he was going to put her through the pain.

**Back to Present:**

Standing in the doorway to her room, Lisbon had to admit that her stomach fluttered at seeing him so relaxed in her bed. She slipped her shoes and socks off, leaving them next to the bedside table as she sat on the edge next to him. Her hand reached out to trace along his jaw. The skin beneath her fingertips smooth yet rough. The face of a tortured man. She let her lips seek his temple, making his eyes slowly open. He scooted over wordlessly and held the blanket up for her to climb in with him. Lisbon found it ironic that he was inviting her into her own bed when he hadn't even been invited into her home.

Smiling the entire time, she slid in next to him and momentarily forgot the conversation that had been bugging her all afternoon.

"What are you doing in my bed?" Jane's hand found themselves at the hem of her shirt within seconds.

"Surprising you." Pulling at the fabric covering her upper body, he tugged it off with a little help from the woman wearing it.

"How did you get in?" Lisbon let him get rid of her shirt without protests; next on the list was her pants. Those too went without any fuss, she knew he was probably only there for one thing.

"Spare key I've had since our sexcapade in the living room."

"Thief!" Playfully smacking his chest, she let herself be pulled closer but she wasn't prepared for what happened next. Instead of initiating the first intimate touches he simply stared at her. They were lying face to face on their sides, legs and arms tangled and bodies pressed together but he was just smiling. Lisbon didn't know what to think, what to do, honestly she was confused.

"I love your hair when its curly." He let his fingers toy with the strands to emphasize his point. "So you wanna tell me what you were really thinking this morning during my mind reading trick?"

"No, not really." She would rather him tell her why they were just lying in her bed tangled together, in only their underwear.

"Oh, come on, I think I should get to know. It had you blushing."

"Ugh, fine. I was thinking of us, like this, just with less clothing." It wasn't a complete lie, that was partially what had been running through her mind but it was them in her bed after a completely exhausting round of slow, passionate love making. Jane had admitted to loving her in this fantasy which had instigated the blush in her cheeks that Rigsby had to point out. She had been embarrassed at just the thought of something so private coming to the forefront of her mind when they were at work.

"Now you want to know why we aren't having sex." Jane let one hand find its way between them, toying with the band on her panties while the other ran through the dark silky waves before settling against the side of her neck. "I thought we could just stay like this for awhile. Maybe sleep."

The word 'sleep' had her senses vibrating or maybe that was the fingers gently caressing the tender flesh of her lower stomach. She wasn't entirely sure, but she knew they'd never slept together before. Not actual sleeping and the implications this had for their ever growing relationship had her heart racing. She searched his eyes for any sign that he might've been joking but only honest greens stared back. Leaning in close to breathe him in, Lisbon let herself relax. There was still one thing she had to voice, it didn't matter whether he heard it or not but she just had to speak the words out loud.

"I don't want to have to arrest you Patrick." She whispered the confession against his chest, mumbling each syllable against his skin but he heard every word loud and clear. Wrapping an arm around her waist he pulled her as close as possible and kissed the top of her head.

"I know. We'll worry about it when that day comes. Sleep Teresa." No more words were spoken that night. They ignored the rumbling of their stomachs, they ignored the sounds outside her window and as they drifted off into sleep both were thinking the same thing. They could get used to sleeping in the same bed together. It was comforting for Jane to feel her body pressed to his, to feel her warm soft skin and silky fabric covered breasts against his bare chest. There was something she brought out in him, something good and he missed it when she wasn't around. He could see a future with her, a very rocky and curveball filled future but it was still a lot more than anything he'd pictured in the last several years.

When he carefully crawled out of bed at three in the morning, Lisbon sighed softly and snuggled into the pillow. He quietly dressed and made his way out to her kitchen, it was time for a little breakfast. He'd make something for her to of course. It was funny that he'd come over to use sex as an apology for something he hadn't even done yet but they'd slept instead. Soon, he'd stay the night with her. Soon, he'd wake to see her bathed in morning light. In his mind he'd come so far in such a short amount of time with her. It was truly amazing what one woman, one friend could accomplish. He slipped out the door with a smile on his face.

**xXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Lisbon woke alone and cold at six in the morning. Disappointment settled in the pit of her stomach but she had known he wouldn't stay. Tracing the pillow he'd been resting his head on, her hand came in contact with a piece of folded paper.

_Teresa,  
Enjoy the breakfast I left you in the fridge. If it isn't that great...  
I'll blame the fact that it was 3 o'clock in the morning when I was cooking.  
Soon, I promise.  
Patrick_

The promise at the bottom made the disappointment vanish. Their relationship was one giant puzzle and he'd just put another piece into place. She wasn't sure they'd ever move past the Red John thing. She wasn't sure he'd ever move on from his family, but she wasn't expecting him to. She didn't want him to leave them in the past, she wanted to know everything about the two people he had loved the most. She was hoping that one day she'd be number three on that list.

**a/n: That Red John moment between them still gets to me. :) ~ Rina**

**So, I try to take the time to always reply personally to each review and lately I had been behind but I'm caught up I think, if I missed you I'M SORRY. I think people are more likely to review again if you take time to message them back. :)**


	10. Red Brick and Ivy

**Disclaimer: Still not mine...but oh ho if it was. ;)**

**A/N: This story got a bit neglected this week so I'm going to try and post two chapters to make up for it. The next one will be up within the next day or so. This one is a little short but it was just so.... and I couldn't perfect it any more. Plus I was a little preoccupied reading a TV Guide article on the Mentalist, Robin Tunney says she hopes Jane and Lisbon never get together because the scene would be humiliating since she thinks of Simon as a brother. :( But I really don't care if they end up in bed or not, I just want a freakin' hug...maybe a kiss on the cheek. That's all I'm asking for! Enough of my ranting; please enjoy the chapter.**

It was becoming so easy for Jane to spend time with Lisbon outside of work, outside of just sex. He never thought he would find anyone who could make living a little less of a burden but somehow the firecracker of an agent had managed to do just that. They'd be engaging in stolen moments, frenzied touches and late night lovin' for a while. About three, four months if he was counting right. It was to the point where the guilt had practically disappeared, he finally came to the conclusion that he wasn't doing anything wrong. They were two adults who enjoyed the sex and the company; not at first but they'd come to a mutual understanding somewhere along the way. That understanding is what led him to her door on this night. He didn't want a sex buddy tonight, he wanted somebody to talk to. Just a normal conversation; one that led to them learning something new about each other.

He used her key to politely let himself in, he supposed this was starting to become a habit. She was home, he knew she was but knocking seemed so tedious which is why he didn't bother. Soft jazz was playing in the living room as he kicked his shoes off, and he could hear the sizzle of something cooking. Whatever it was it smelled amazing, different aromas mixing together left him suddenly starving. The kitchen was probably one of his favorite places in her apartment. Number one reason being that they'd kissed in there when he was making grilled cheese. It was just a brushing of the corner of their lips but it counted. She'd said so herself today after he finished talking to Sophie Miller; it counted. He really hoped she wouldn't be jealous or upset over the fact that he'd kissed her on the cheek. At the time she didn't seem too upset but Lisbon had a way of hiding her feelings until they bubbled over and created all kinds of problems. Most of the time he could see through her facade but there were some moments where she truly caught him by surprise. Sometimes it was something emotional and other times it was just something she was saying or doing.

When he entered the kitchen, she managed to surprise him with the gentle sway of her hips in rhythm to the music. He found it ironic that he'd just been thinking about her being able to blow his mind every now and then. There she was, proving him right. He decided on the spot that Teresa Lisbon should not be allowed to dance with skillet in hand and wearing only a tank top and sweats. It wasn't the most flattering look but she looked beautiful from where he was standing. Fearing getting burned or worse he waited till she let go of the skillet to sneak up behind her and wrap his arms around her waist.

"Smells good." She had tensed but immediately relaxed when she realized who was nuzzling her neck. "What's cooking?"

"Stir fry and it's done, you'd know if you'd look." He ignored her, pressed a kiss to her neck and one to her bare shoulder as she turned the burner on the stove off. "You can not just continue to let yourself in whenever you please."

"Why not?"

"It's an invasion of privacy Jane. I want my key back." Even though she sounded serious, she didn't sound angry. He took that as a good sign and dug the key out of his pocket. As soon as she turned to face him he handed it to her. She looked stunned by the fact that he gave in so easily which was proof enough for him that she didn't really want it back. She just didn't want him knowing how much she enjoyed the thought of him being able to let himself in whenever he felt like it. Too bad he already knew that.

Turning the key over in her palm, Lisbon was slightly disappointed. She had expected him to fight to keep it or somehow convince her it was a good idea that he have it. The look in his eyes was one she hadn't seen and before she could ask why he was looking at her like that, a pair of arms gripped her hips and hoisted her up on the counter.

"Patrick!" Something akin to a squeal left her lips but she'd deny it to hell and back if he ever brought it up.

"Tell me something about you." He came to stand between her legs, resting one hand on her upper thigh and the other on her hip. She dropped the key beside her, forgetting about it for the time being and let one arm drape over his shoulder.

"What do you mean?"

"After sharing today about how I had a bit of a meltdown after....I just thought it'd be nice to talk about something good, happier. I'm sorry by the way that you had to practically force it out of me."

"It's okay. Uh, what do you want to know?" Lisbon had no idea what to tell him, there was so much running through her mind but the only thing that stuck was how the food was getting cold.

"Anything. Something about life in general, favorite childhood memories, your favorite color, anything."

"I'm pretty sure you already know my favorite color." Her statement brought a smile to both of their faces.

"Well yes, but you've never actually told me. The point of this is for us to actually tell each other things." She thought about it a few seconds before nodding slowly and opening her mouth.

"When I was little my dad used to take me out on Saturdays. Just me and him, we'd drive for hours with no destination and talk. It was nice to get out of the house away from my brothers and when we got back, mom would always have cookies made. They'd still be warm when I bit into them." Lisbon hadn't even thought about what she was saying, it just spilled out before she could stop it. Thankfully her mind didn't go to the dark place it tended to visit whenever her family was brought up. She figured it had something to do with the man inches in front of her and the hand that was caressing her thigh.

"You like long drives and just-out-of-the-oven cookies. I'll have to remember that."

"Speaking of that my food is getting cold." Amusement flickered across her features as Jane pulled the skillet closer, grabbed the spoon she'd been using to stir and offered it to her. "You're feeding me?" He shrugged and waited for her to lean forward to take the bite.

"My daughter was my alarm clock. She'd come in at five every morning and whisper that she was hungry, for being so small she could put away food. Inherited that from me I suppose." Lisbon had tensed the second the word daughter had come out of his mouth, she knew how he got whenever he talked about his family but surprisingly his demeanor didn't change. The smile on his face never faltered and he sounded happy. He seemed content to share something like that with her so she just let her thumb softly caress his cheek as he took a bite of the stir fry and offered her the next.

"I love to cook. Most of the time it's take out or a sandwich since I live alone but I enjoy cooking." Jane chose not to comment on the fact that she was trying to talk with her mouth full. He just took another bite for himself and did the same. They were such polite people.

"I'll come over so you can cook more. I'll even knock and wait outside so you have to let me in." She rolled her eyes but accepted the spoonful of food he held out for her. "I love watching romantic movies, don't tell anyone that. My wife used to tell all her friends that she had a man who would watch 'chick flicks' all day long, completely ruined my manly reputation."

"You don't have a manly reputation."

"Ouch, I'm wounded Teresa."

"Poor baby." Their playful banter and sharing continued for over an hour, Jane still feeding her the entire time. It was sweet of him and Lisbon didn't mind sitting up on her kitchen counter as long as he was standing between her legs, telling her things she never thought she'd be privileged enough to hear. He told her about his daughter's first scraped knee and how after he "kissed" it better she had proceeded to tell him that his kisses were broken because it still hurt. They'd both laughed at that one, it was a lot easier to be open with him than she had expected. There was so much that she wanted to tell him now but unfortunately there just weren't enough hours in the night. When he told her that he was fixing to leave she simply nodded and sat still as he leaned in to kiss her cheek followed by the corner of her mouth. She was addicted to those kisses, they satisfied a fraction of the hunger she felt for him and fueled the desire to kiss him all at the same time.

She wasn't the type to throw herself at a man but Jane made her want to do just that. She had been so tempted to just blurt out that she loved him but somehow she'd managed to keep that hidden. Maybe one day she'd tell him, one day when he could appreciate the words and at least take the time to explain all the reasons he couldn't feel the same way. It was selfish of her to want a married man, widowed, but married to sit down and give her in depth details why he couldn't love her the way she loved him. She didn't care that she'd be number three on his list, number three in his heart, she just wanted to know that he felt something other than just being close friends.

Jane had forced himself to leave, it was a have to. If he hadn't then he would've spilled how much he was coming to truly care for Teresa Lisbon. That would have led to things too soon. So he'd left, with a solemn vow in mind to stay the night the next time he set foot in her place. Tonight had brought them a lot closer, it was strange that mindless conversation could do that, but it had it's heartfelt moments. They shared memories of the past that left them both a little less broken than before. It hit him like a ton of bricks as he remembered the sparkle in her eyes as he fed her stir fry right out of the skillet with light Jazz playing in the background; he was falling for her. The scary thing was, he had no intentions of trying to make himself stop.

**a/n: Short but trust me the next one makes up for that. I can't believe the reviews I've received for this one. It's so overwhelming. Thank you guys so much. After thought here; I love Jazz. :) ~ Rina**


	11. Red John's Friends

**Disclaimer: Since I still live in a two bedroom apartment that's about the size of a closet I'll go with I'm still not owning the Mentalist. ;)**

**A/N: Just a peek into everyday life here: Today is not a good day. Ara has a terrible stomach bug but according to the doctors, it should pass in a few days with plenty of fluids and some medication. I hate seeing her so sick. Anyways this chapter is probably my new favorite. :)**

Lisbon kept the tears at bay as she unlocked her door. It always bothered her when Jane was upset, always made her aware of the intense emotions he brought out in her. Her heart constricted whenever he got his hopes up on finding the man who murdered his family which is what had happened this time. She'd even got herself suspended for him, well sort of and he'd quit, sort of. She had no doubt in her mind that he'd meant it at the time but not anymore. In fact as soon as he had thanked her and placed his hand on her shoulder she'd been fighting against the lump building in her throat at seeing him go. She hated the thought of not seeing him practically all day, and her heart had been breaking as she'd wondered silently if that would be the end of their after hours relationship as well; the end of their friendship. Part of those fears still lingered in her mind as she pushed the door open with the last few ounces of strength she had. There was Jane, standing in her living room staring out the window and seemingly oblivious to the fact that she was now home. The lights in her apartment were still off but his silhouette stood out against the glass. She could tell he'd shed the jacket and vest he'd been wearing earlier. It was dark out, he probably couldn't see much unless it was illuminated by the street lamps but he was in his own little world anyway. This brought her back to the key she'd made him fork over just days ago, the same one that had mysteriously disappeared from the counter only hours later. Sometimes his sneaky ways got him into trouble and other times it led to moments like this.

Disappointed, broken, and outsmarted were just a few words to describe how Jane and Lisbon were feeling. There was no way either of them could have known that Red John would slip through their fingers but Lisbon had warned Jane of the possibility. She'd told him and he blatantly ignored it in a blind stupor of revenge. Of course this would be a time when she was right and he was wrong. It happened occasionally, more so when Red John was involved. He blamed the fact that she could stay level headed when all he could do was think of the family he'd lost and how close he could be to finding the man who took them away.

"Patrick..." Her voice came out softly, cautious as she closed the door and sidled over to him. He didn't turn to face her or even acknowledge her presence but she knew he had heard her. She searched even though she wasn't sure what it was that she was looking for. "Patrick, please say something."

"You're not gonna yell at me for taking the key again?"

"No, I want you to have it." It was the truth, she wanted him to be able to invade her privacy whenever he felt like it. She wanted him to want that too. "I'm sorry that we didn't catch..."

"I'm not here to talk about that. I just want to forget it." He faced her then, letting his eyes burn into hers with an intensity she'd never seen before. It had her breath catching in her throat, a shiver running down her spine and an ache building between her thighs. It wasn't sexual at all, quite the opposite it was full of emotion and something she couldn't define but there wasn't anything indicating lust. Nothing warning her that he was turned on which is why her own arousal took her by surprise. The burning desire wouldn't cease anytime soon and without even noticing, her feet shuffled her closer to him. Her hands reached out to touch his chest and her lips pressed against his cheek. She was making the move, starting the fire and as soon as a tired sigh fell from his parted lips she knew he would match each touch with one of his own. His hands rested at her waist, massaging her sides through the fabric of her shirt. He didn't take control like all the times previous, and she could tell he was waiting for her to set the pace. It wasn't a problem for her really, except she was terrified that she might do something wrong and he'd push her away. They'd become closer since the whole beginning of their sexual relationship and they knew each other well enough to know what each one preferred but that was under less stressful situations. There were only a couple times that they'd had sex out of comfort only and even then it hadn't been been because the serial killer who murdered Jane's wife and child had eluded them.

"Can I, uh, c-can I make love to you?" Silently berating herself for the hesitance in her whispering voice, Lisbon met his gaze as a flush crept into her cheeks for asking something so cheesy but she had to be sure he was one-hundred percent okay with it. The warmth that washed over his face as he lifted a palm to caress her cheek told her everything she needed to know. Wrapping her small hand around his she pulled it away from her face and led him to her bedroom. She wanted to do this right, well as right as they could handle. Neither of them bothered to turn on the light, it wasn't needed. The moon gave them the perfect amount. It was just light enough for them to see each other with a silver tint to their skin.

Lisbon let her fingers find the buttons on his shirt. Never once taking her eyes off of his as she carefully peeled it from his body. It dropped to the floor, unwanted as her hands sought out their next target. She hadn't ever been the one to completely undress him. The fact that he was letting her do it while keeping his hands on her back to hold her close had to count for something. She pushed his pants and underwear down all at once. There really wasn't a point in wasting any valuable time with moving barriers out of the way. Still her eyes never left his.

"Teresa, I do care about you. You know that right? More than I thought I'd ever be capable of."

"I know." She did know it, she could tell just by the way he acted around her but _caring_ about someone wasn't the same as _loving _them. He seemed satisfied that she knew and gently tugged her shirt over her head, dropping it in the pile with his. Lisbon found herself leaning into him, his chest was too inviting and she couldn't help but nip and suck gently at the bare flesh. She kept everything slow and lazy just like the hands unfastening her bra and sliding it down her arms. As soon as the piece of cloth had been removed her kisses trailed up to his neck and her chest brushed against his. The next thing she knew she was completely naked and had backed him into the bed.

Jane felt his the backs of his legs hit the mattress bringing him out of the daze her lips had put him in. She was always so soft and smooth, her lips always felt like velvet against his fiery skin and there was no way he could stop himself from losing focus. It felt different this time, already and he knew it was because of the way they kept getting closer emotionally. The gentle pressure of her hands against his chest had him laying himself down on the bed all simply because he knew it was what she wanted. She'd asked to make love to him and it had been the sweetest thing he'd ever heard from her. She sounded so shy about it but her big heart had been shining through each word, each syllable. As soon as she was crawling over him, guiding him into her, he felt like he couldn't breathe.

Their bodies slid together with a heat and friction so slow burning that it threatened to ignite the whole bedroom before it ever consumed them. His pleasurable moans mixed with her soft sighs made for a soundtrack that both of them secretly wished would never stop playing. His arms held her close as she rocked against him, they were both enjoying her first time on top. The first time she'd been in control and when they reached that pivotal moment at the exact same second, they cried out into the silence neither of them bothering to even try and quiet themselves. It was raw. It was passionate and it was unihibited.

It was only after coming down from their physical highs that Lisbon could feel something wet against her neck. When she'd dropped against his chest she'd been breathing too hard and was too worked up to notice but now she could feel it. She slid further down to see his face, breaking the most intimate contact at their hips and making both of them groan as their over sensitive bodies broke apart.

"Patrick?" His eyes were screwed shut but it did nothing to hide the tears that had already fallen. Lisbon brushed them away with her thumbs while scrunching her brow in worry. Before she could let her brain conjure up wild theories she pinpointed the most realistic rational answer. "I don't want to say it's okay or that it will be okay. I hate those words but I promise I'm not going anywhere." Her soft spoken heart felt words had him opening his eyes to see her beautifully worried face. She wiped the remaining tears away as he drew in a few shaky breaths.

"Teresa I can't even catch the man who murdered them I'm failing my wi..."

"No, you're a great man despite who you might have been in the past. It doesn't matter. It's not your fault, it wasn't your fault then and it's not now. We'll get him, we will." Lisbon didn't know why she was telling him things that she knew he didn't believe but something inside of her just told her that it might help to hear somebody say them. Somebody he cared about. He forced back the moisture in his eyes and held her gaze for the longest time without speaking a word. His arms tightened around her waist holding her as closely as possible, in fact he was squeezing her but she didn't want to say anything. She was afraid he'd freak out if he knew that he was causing her slight discomfort at the tightening grip.

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I want you to know that I'd bring them back if I could Patrick. I would in a heartbeat." Jane couldn't believe the words that had left her mouth. His mind was trying to decide if they were real or if he had imagined them but he knew by the look on her face that she was waiting for him to reply. That meant they had to be real.

"Even though that means none of this would have happened between us? You would really do that for me, you'd be that selfless?"

"It would make you happy to be with the family you love. That's all that matters." One of his hands reached up to caress the side of her neck as he let her confession wash over him. He came to the easy conclusion that the woman in his arms was too sweet, full of heart and it was amazing that she existed. He couldn't say anything, he was speachless and thankfully she didn't take it the wrong way. Instead of demanding he say something or running into the next room she kissed his forehead and rolled off of him. This was definitely the night he could face one of his biggest fears. He caught her arm before she could roll too far and pulled her closer. She curled into his side, resting her head on his chest and smiling softly when he let his fingers move effortlessly through her hair. He heard her try to stifle a yawn and in no time her breathing deepened as her tired muscles relaxed.

The last few days had been full of twists, turns and a few mistakes but she was still the constant. She was the only thing he could depend on anymore and it had made it easier, knowing she was there. He let himself relax in her bed, just like the last time he'd been in it except they hadn't had sex then. They had only slept and as he pulled the blankets up over their naked bodies, he knew that tonight when she'd made love to him she hadn't been expecting anything in return. The woman really was incredibly selfless. Jane let himself drift into a light slumber which actually lasted about three hours. It was nice to feel the warmth of a woman next to him, to feel the weight of her on his chest but it made him dream about things he knew couldn't happen. Things he'd never have the pleasure of having ever again.

He didn't want to wake but his internal alarm didn't want him sleeping past four. His body was used to him leaving except he wasn't going to do it this time. He couldn't, so when his eyes fluttered open to see it was still dark outside he had rolled over and pinned Lisbon beneath him. He woke her with warm wet kisses that went down her throat, over her collarbone, and finally landed on her breast. She'd been dazed, a little confused at first but responded eagerly. This time when he had entered her slowly he was the one in charge and when he brought her over the edge, had her writhing under him he came to the conclusion that he would never be able to sleep with another woman. She was the only one he felt comfortable enough with, she knew about him and it didn't matter. She knew that a serial killer had murdered his wife and child; she knew he was obsessed with catching the man who'd done it and yet she still treated him like a human being. She would be kind and understanding when he needed it and then turn around and kick his ass into gear. It took her half shouting half moaning his name with her head tossed back into the pillows, body arched against his, and hands clutching at his shoulders for him to finally figure out why he was falling for her.

**XxXxTheMentalistxXxX**

Lisbon woke on her side, to the orange glow highlighting her bedroom. She wanted to snuggle deeper into her covers but there was a hand that pulled them tighter around her before she even had the chance to open her eyes. That's when she came to enough to realize that she was curled into Jane's chest. He was still there and he was awake. His arm found her waist underneath the blankets as she smiled at him and let out a sigh when his fingers danced across her skin.

"You're still here." The happiness in her voice couldn't have been hidden even if she had tried. Thankfully he didn't crack any wise comment about it, just smiled back at her and kissed her nose. "You stayed with me."

"It's still early, too early." Jane pulled her closer peppering kisses to her cheek whilst she let out a chuckle at his behavior. "Let's sleep babe." She caught the endearment immediately, just as she had the first time he'd let it slip and once again she chose not to call him on it. Instead she burrowed into his warm embrace, loving the way his scent surrounded her as she pressed her nose into his shoulder and let sleep overtake her tired body once again. The rest of the world could wait a little while longer.

**a/n: I really love this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Now I'm off to check my baby's temp once again and probably curl up next to her for some much needed sleep of my own. :) ~ Rina**


	12. Red Rum

**Disclaimer: *Checks bank account* Yeah...not owning it.**

**A/N: It took me awhile to type up this chapter....this wasn't one of my favorite episodes. I enjoyed it and all but there wasn't very many moments that just SCREAMED Jisbon. Therefore this chapter has pretty much NOTHING to do with Red Rum. I'm sorry its SO short...On a happy note...today was the day I'm declared no longer single. :)**

Strange cases always left Lisbon a little more aware of her surroundings. The entire walk to her car, she'd been completely aware of every little noise behind her, around her. Then again being a CBI Agent had that effect. This case hadn't been the strangest she'd ever worked -not by far- but it definitely had Cho disturbed. Jane had seemed thoroughly amused by that fact and she'd be lying if she said it wasn't a little amusing that Cho was afraid of Tamzin Dove. After the events of the last week, she wanted a night to relax at home and that's exactly what she was planning to do. A soak in the tub sounded really nice, maybe she'd call Jane and see if he wanted to do something.

"Nice night." Or she'd just wait for him to sneak up on her and politely climb into her passenger seat.

"You want something in particular Jane?" Her voice held a teasing tone to it as she didn't even bother to make him get out of the car before pulling out of the parking lot. She knew he wanted to go with her or he wouldn't have buckled the seat belt.

"No, not really. Just the company of a beautiful woman." Lisbon let the comment slide and offered him a smile instead of a snarky remark. She was feeling nice today and he had reached over the console to gently grasp her hand so yeah, she'd let that slide. The drive was quiet and at one point she was pretty sure he'd dozed off for a few minutes when they were stopped at a red light but it was welcome. She liked being around him when he was sleeping, there was something peaceful about it. Something that made her believe he was content enough with her to let his guard down. The walk up to her apartment was just as silent as the ride, both of them were tired but this quiet wasn't tired or strained it was just...easy. Comfortable couldn't even describe it.

Her key slid into the lock easily, letting her turn the knob and push the door open. Jackets were shed and tossed towards the couch. Neither of them were really concerned with whether they landed there or not. Lisbon had her mouth open to ask him a question when he wrapped his arm around her waist and ushered her to the bathroom. He knew she wanted a relaxing bath and that's what he was going to give her. She didn't ask questions as he carefully stripped her down or when he let her do the same to him. It wasn't hard to figure out what he had in mind and her heart skipped a beat at the sweetness of the gesture. He started the water and made sure it wasn't too hot before climbing in the tub to situate himself. As soon as he was seated, Lisbon was climbing in with him. So many thoughts were racing through her head; this seemed a lot more intimate than some of the other things they had done. Besides when she'd made love to him, that had been beyond unbelievable.

The water was just hot enough to ease the tired muscles in her body but not enough to actually burn. He had got it just right. For a few seconds after she sat between his legs she made sure not to lean back against him. After all she wasn't sure that's what he wanted her to do. The tub filled rather quickly, but not before Jane had somehow found a secret thing of bubbles she kept. The suds felt like wet slippery velvet against her skin as she leaned forward to turn of the water before they ended up flooding her bathroom. It was then that she no longer had an excuse for sitting straight up and it was then that she no longer needed one. His arm snaked around her waist, his hand resting over her stomach and pulling her back against his chest. Her head landed near his shoulder as she let her hands rest over his one to keep it just below her ribs.

"Just relax." The husky tone of his voice had the tension in her body easing away in seconds as she melted into his arms.

"Thank you for knowing this is exactly what I wanted."

"Anytime." One of his hands started tracing shapes against her thigh under the water as her eyes slipped shut.

"You staying tonight?"

"Probably, if you want, that is." A sigh left her parted lips and ignoring every alarm bell in her brain she decided to just tell him something she never thought she'd admit. It was now or never with it and she was choosing now.

"I always want you here."

"I'm getting there Teresa. I want you to know that I'm getting there." Before he had a chance to explain further Lisbon carefully turned to straddle him. She wanted to be able to look him in the eye, she needed to see his face when she told him that she loved him. She had to see his reaction. Sucking in a sharp breath, her hands found his shoulders but he cut her off before she could speak. "I want a relationship with you. I don't know when I'll be able to say that we're in one but I want that with you. I promise you I'm trying."

The courage she had flew out the window when she heard the emotion behind his words. She couldn't figure out why he was telling her this but she loved hearing it. His gaze burned into hers as she furrowed her brow in slight confusion.

"You deserve so much more from me and I want to be a better man. I want to give you what you deserve."

"I..." Tears pricked the corner of Lisbon's eyes as his words sunk in. She couldn't believe what she was hearing but his eyes were so honest and real. There was no way he was saying anything but the truth.

"I just want you to know. I thought now would be a good time to tell you, I mean it's been six months since we started this sex thing and I wanted you to know it's not just sex anymore. I'm not promising anything other than the fact that I'm trying, I don't want you to get your hopes up. We care too much for each other to ruin this which is why I'm trying so hard not to." They hadn't had a real heart to heart about what they were doing. There had been lines dropped here and there but neither of them ever just came out and said what was wrong or how they could fix it. Or like in this case what was right and how they could keep it that way.

"I need to know something Patrick and I want you to be one hundred percent honest. Do you still feel guilty when we have sex? When we...when we made love?"

"No, the guilt is gone. I can't pin point exactly when it went away but it's gone." The relief in her seeped from every pore. She smiled a little as her shoulders relaxed and his hands rubbed softly at her back. The combination of his hands moving against her slicked skin along with the water that was swishing in behind had Lisbon shivering despite the heat. The confession she had wanted to make was swallowed back down, it could wait. There had been enough confessions and secrets revealed for one night. Baby steps, she always had to remind herself of the baby steps.

"Thank you."

"So can you believe Cho was afraid of a witch?" The laugh Jane was falling for filled the bathroom as she rested her forehead against his. Just by the sparkle in her happy eyes and the smile on her face, he knew he'd get there eventually. And when the woman in his arms turned back around to rest against his chest and let out a contented sigh he pressed a soft kiss to her head.

"You're horrible." Lisbon closed her eyes once again and relaxed against him, she'd tell him she loved him some other time. She didn't want to ruin everything that had just been said by opening a huge can of worms. Until then, she was happy with their new found comfort with sex, each other and themselves. Maybe it was a little wrong of her but she was also hoping that his speach meant he'd be kissing her soon too.

**a/n: I know its horribly short but I just really wanted to get something up for you guys and honestly this is my least favorite episode. The next one will be up WAY sooner PROMISE and its longer. ~ Rina**


	13. Paint It Red

**Disclaimer: They really have to rub it in that I don't own this don't they?**

**A/N: Holy effin Mentalist. Next episode of Season 2 is going to be so amazing. I love that it's Lisbon centered. I dearly love Lisbon, she's my favorite on the show. Plus I have such a girl crush on Robin Tunney. I've read all the spoilers and casting sides so I know pretty much everything that happens but still it'll be SO GOOD! Anyway I thought I would get this up for everybody since you all are always so amazing with the reviews. It sort of jumps from before the case to after the case but it all meshes together pretty well. Enjoy. Basically I done this one backwards.**

The warmth of the early morning sun washed over the room, casting an orange glow over everything. It was early he could tell, the sun was just rising which woke Jane from the best night of sleep he had managed in a long time. The brunette curled into his chest probably had something to do with that. He'd learned something new about her in the hand full of nights that he stayed; Lisbon was a subconscious cuddler. One of her arms always held him close while the other rested against his chest or various other parts of him. He wasn't sure if she was always this way or if it was her mind's way of keeping him from leaving. Any small movement would cause her to whimper and tighten the grip she had on him. If it was something that happened with every man she slept with then it probably stemmed from her childhood but if it was only with him then it was probably because she was afraid he would start leaving in the middle of the night again.

His heart constricted at the thought of it being solely his fault. He carefully pulled her closer, practically on top of him and held her tight inhaling the fresh scent of her shampoo. There was one thing on his list of things he had to accomplish with her that he wanted so badly. He wanted to kiss her, to feel her warm lips moving against his own but he wanted it to be special. Not just a random thing, he needed her to know that she meant something to him. Maybe it was silly but he wanted their first kiss to be when both of them were clear headed and that hadn't been the case any of the previous times he had thought about it. There was always something, always, that kept him from leaning in and sealing their mouths together but staring down at her sleeping form he felt no hesitation in his thoughts. Maybe. His hand started moving of it's own volition, tracing long sweeps from the back of her neck down her spine. He wished they would have slept naked the night before. The fabric bunching beneath his touch is no where near as soft as her skin. When they'd crawled under the covers she'd been in only her underwear but around three in the morning she'd got up and grabbed his button down from the chair, explaining it away with a simple 'It's cold.' He smiled at the memory of seeing her slipping her arms through, leaving the buttons undone and then sliding back into the bed. She looked amazing in his shirt but right now he really wanted it gone. He loved the way her skin glowed in the morning light, almost like it shimmered and if he was being completely honest he'd never seen her look so beautiful.

There was a shift in her position; she managed to push her way up his chest and tangle their legs together all in one move. She sighed softly, her breath now tickling his neck with each exhale. His body was starting to react to the feel of her pressed against him, to the feel of her soft warm thigh resting between his legs. His fingers found their way under the fabric covering her back causing a hum of appreciation to vibrate low in his throat. He knew she was awake when she let one hand wander down between their bodies and by the way she was smiling against his neck. They'd played around a little in the mornings but never took it any further, mainly because they never had enough time but there was still an hour and a half before the alarm went off and another thirty minutes after that before they had to leave. It would work.

A loud yelp of delight filled tore through the silence of her bedroom when he flipped her onto her back in one quick movement. Her laughter followed soon after, and before he knew it he was smiling and leaning closer to her lips. Lisbon felt the air leave her lungs when she noticed the look in his eyes. She knew that look, he had made up his mind and he was going to kiss her. She lay frozen against the mattress, unable to even think about moving. His body was pressed against hers - firm in all the right places, their noses were touching and she could feel his breath coming out in soft puffs against her mouth. Her eyes closed automatically waiting for the sensation she'd been aching for. He had to close the distance, she couldn't do it for him. It would completely ruin the point and just when she felt him tilt his head a loud knock echoed through the apartment. Jane jumped, looked around quickly before sighing and resting his forehead against hers.

"I uh, I don't have to get that."

"Best if you do." She wanted to argue but they both knew the moment had been sabotaged and there was nothing they could do to bring it back just yet. That didn't stop an edge of hurt from filling her, what did 'best if you do' really mean? He had worded it in a way that left her wondering if he thought the interruption was for the better. She hoped that's not what he meant. Ignoring the way she wanted to just press her lips to his and say screw the consequences, she rolled out from under him and headed for the door. Half way there she realized she had his shirt on and started buttoning the two front pieces together. The world didn't need to see her electric blue underwear.

A little frustrated and a lot aroused she jerked open the door in a huff. Damn whoever was on the other side for ruining her moment. That thought quickly changed when she saw her neighbor holding his six month old little boy standing in front of her. William was a handsome man, but truthfully she preferred annoying blonds over dashing red heads. She was suddenly very aware of her attire or in this case lack there of.

"I'm sorry, I know it's early Teresa. Oh um, I didn't mean to interrupt..."

"No, no you didn't. Just sleeping, uh did you need something." One thing about her neighbor that she loved, he was nice and he was quiet. Okay, so two things. They'd had dinner once but that never led to anything more than striking up a friendship.

"Not at the exact moment but I was wondering if you could babysit Trace this weekend. I have a meeting in DC. I normally wouldn't ask but you're the only person around here that I think is trustworthy." She knew William well enough to know his son's birthday, that he was a CEO at a local company and that his wife had up and left him two weeks after Trace was born.

"Use me for the badge huh? I'm kidding. Uh, I can but I'll have to leave him with daycare at times."

"That's fine. I wanted to ask before I left for work. I'll let you get back to....sleeping." She shoved his shoulder as he flashed her a knowing grin while Trace clapped his hands together in excitement. She waved goodbye to the happy baby as she closed the door. She liked babies, loved babies to be precise so this would be fun. Sucking in a sharp breath she made her way back to the bedroom. She didn't really know what to expect but when the bed came into view it was empty. Toying with the buttons on his shirt she sat down on the edge and listened to the shower running in the next room. This day was already starting to suck.

**xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxTheMentalistxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

There was something about stealing from the Russian mob that left a man feeling liberated and ten foot tall. Jane would be lying if he said he wasn't incredibly proud to the extent of being cocky about what he had accomplished. Lisbon of course hadn't been too impressed but he figured she was still a little miffed about their morning. He hadn't meant to run out on her but after she had answered the door he needed time to think of what had almost happened. The case hadn't exactly put him back on her good list either.

_********_

_"You gonna be grumpy like this in the room?"_

_"Yes, I am." Her snarky demeanor was practically oozing out of every pore but it was laced with actual anger. He could see she was a pissed._

_"Just asking. I don't think it's very professional."_

_"Seriously, don't push me." With those words spoken he knew she wasn't only upset about the Russian Mobster thing, she was confused about what had happened this morning. He was confused too. _

_********_

Obviously his trying to be a man she deserves plan hadn't been going as smoothly as he had hoped but he really would have kissed her if it hadn't been for the knock at the door. Stupid interruptions had ruined it all. He had been positive the cliche phone ringing or knock strictly happened in movies. Looks like he was wrong. They'd talked a bit after he had got out of the shower but it was mainly about work and that she had agreed to babysit for a whole weekend. He had offered to help out but she politely declined and said she could handle a baby. He wasn't doubting her, he knew she could. In fact he thought she'd make a great mother but he hadn't said that out loud.

"Jane? A word." He wasn't sure following her to her office would be a good idea but at the same time it wouldn't be a good idea to disobey her either. Really there was no choice, pushing himself up off the couch he walked behind her and silently cursed himself for watching the sway of her hips. It was almost like she knew that's where his eyes were trained, she wasn't putting any effort into it but he could tell she knew.

He stepped through the door as she held it open and didn't say anything when she locked it behind him. There were hundreds of jokes he could have made but it was probably best to keep his mouth shut for now.

"The Russian Mob? Really Jane, are you determined to piss off the wrong people because you're doing a good job."

"Meh, it wasn't so bad. We solved the case." A ragged sigh escaped her lungs and he knew that he might be pushing a little too far but he wanted her to admit it. He wanted her to admit that she was hurt by his actions this morning.

"Jane..."

"How bout we talk about what really has your panties in a twist hm?" Backing her into the corner of the room - to the right behind her desk - he let one hand rest against the curve of her hip.

"My _panties_ are just fine."

"You're right, lavender, definitely your color but on to the matter at hand; you're pissed at me for this morning."

"No I'm not." It was almost gratifying the way her gaze dropped to the floor between them, it was a signal that he was right about something. She was trying to keep him from guessing her feelings but it just made it easier.

"Really Teresa? Well even if you're not, I want you to know I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry, I shouldn't have run for cover. I should have stayed."

"I'm not pissed, I wasn't then. I was disappointed. That's all." Her eyes traveled back up to meet his and he saw the emotions she was trying her hardest to hide. "But I shouldn't have been so I'm sorry too." She stepped forward, eliminating the space between them and resting her forehead against his chest. He almost didn't hear her when she mumbled, "I worry about you Patrick, you need to be careful. Messing with guys like Arlov will get you killed."

"Don't worry about me, I can handle it babe." She scoffed at his words and knew that it was impossible for her to obey them. There was no way she could go through day to day life without worrying about him. He had stolen her heart. She also didn't miss the term of endearment he had used yet again, there was no ignoring it this time.

"Please don't call me that. Please."

"What, babe? Why?" She kept her head against his chest, facing the ground and hoping that he didn't try to get her to look up.

"I know you're using it as a means to, I don't know how to put it. To remember your wife instead of me. Like if you're replacing me with the..."

"No, no. Don't even go there, it's not true." His arms wrapped around her waist as he pulled her closer and squeezed gently. She could be so warm and caring that it left him speechless at times, and Patrick Jane was the type to always have something to say. He had no idea what he done to deserve her but this just added to the list of reasons why he should keep her. He had to hold on tight enough that she wouldn't slip away, he couldn't let her.

****

a/n: The kiss is coming up guys really REALLY soon!!! I'm excited, I've already got that chapter typed up...anyone care to guess the episode it'll be in? ~ Rina


	14. Crimson Casanova

**Disclaimer: Lets see IF I owned The Mentalist the men would be shirtless....always. And considering how that wouldn't work out with the whole being agents (and one consultant) thing I'll just let CBS keep it. Bruno Heller does an amazing job anyways.**

**A/N: OMG! 201 reviews!!! I've never had so many. THANK YOU! Alrighty guys, I'm getting this one up rather quickly just because of the AMAZING reviews (and I have nothing to do right now since Ara's in bed.) Boredom leads to great things...Enjoy. As for the guesses on which episode they'll kiss in, well there were definitely some right answers and I'm a horrible person who is a little behind on review replies...SORRY! I'm hoping this makes up for it. It's cute and has a grabby Jane in it. :)**

The cool temperature of the tile pressed against her back was a nice contrast to her fevered skin. The hot water cascaded over her body as Jane hitched her further up the shower wall. There was a sigh, and a moan echoing through her bathroom as she wrapped her legs around his waist. Their bodies slipping and sliding against each others under the continual spray. She wasn't sure how this one started, she'd climbed in the shower alone and then next thing she knew Jane was behind her; touching her in all the right places. Even though he'd stayed with her, they hadn't ever showered together, and it was nice that he just took the body wash from her and made sure he got every last inch of her clean. She'd returned the favor and his arousal had been obvious which led to one witty remark about him not being able to press the right buttons on the accordion while she knew how to work the toaster. One remark and he had her up against the wall showing her he knew exactly which buttons to press. He might have started it but she wasn't complaining. She couldn't when she was surrounded and filled by Patrick Jane. Her lips and tongue were ravishing his neck in a frenzied pattern that matched his thrusts. She liked the taste of the water on his skin and the feel of his racing pulse beneath her lips. There was nothing sweet and slow about this, it was raw. They'd been away from each other for too long, in the intimate sense. He stayed most nights but most of the time they fell into bed too exhausted to start anything or they just wanted to lay together instead. She liked those nights, it proved he wasn't just using her for sex anymore.

Jane kept one arm around Lisbon's shoulders as he snaked the other between their bodies, kneading her breast in the palm of his hand. She rewarded him with a sharp gasp that quickly turned into a moan. He felt it against his neck and released one of his own at the beautiful sound. He had missed this. He hoped it wasn't wrong to miss sex with her in just a two week period but it was so different now, so real and he had missed it. The motion of his hips faltered when she bit into his shoulder, not hard, but none too gently. He felt her tense; felt her body vibrating against him. She was trying to muffle her cries of pleasure as the shower started to cool. That combined with the slight pain coming from where her teeth were taking residence, shoved him over the edge.

He didn't move, his legs felt like jelly and he was sure he'd fall over if he tried. She didn't make him and even as the water turned cold neither of them even thought of stepping away from the wall. After what seemed like hours of heavy breathing and the sound of water hitting the shower floor, a laugh escaped her lungs.

"Mind sharing with the class what you find so amusing Agent Lisbon?"

"Oh, nothing." There really wasn't a point in lying but it was too much fun to see that look on his face. "You said I was impatient and yet you refused to wait until we made it to the bed." He vaguely remembered her suggesting the piece of furniture as he was about to push into her but he'd ignored it. Really though, in his defense who wouldn't? She was crazy to think he could really take the time to get out of the shower managed to half way dry off and then make love to her. Absolutely crazy.

"Meh." Untangling his body from hers, he reached over to turn the water off. It was getting way too cold, and he wasn't a fan of cold water. He couldn't believe it'd been almost a week since he tried to kiss her. Neither of them had even mentioned it since, maybe they were both afraid of what would happen if they did. He ignored the thoughts and grabbed one of her fluffy warm towels from the rack. Being the gentlemen he wrapped it around her shoulders and then handed her a smaller one for her hair. He loved the way she looked with wet hair, he liked the waves that rippled through it. It was something so sexy he couldn't describe it with words. They stepped onto the shower rug at the same time, just as he was tying the towel around his waist.

"You better dry off. I don't want wet sheets."

"Yes ma'am. So did I push the right buttons?" Flashing him a playful grin and smacking his chest with her brush, she left the room in search of clothes to sleep in. Which anymore only consisted of a shirt and underwear. Anything more than that and he'd strip it off of her before she could even crawl into bed. It wasn't a big deal, she actually liked not having to wake in the middle of the night to find her legs all tangled in her pajama pants and a lot of the times she'd end up with one of his shirts so it definitely didn't bother her.

After thoroughly drying himself to meet her standards, which made him laugh a little, he walked into her room stark naked. He never did mention that he wasn't one of those guys who got dressed still dripping wet. He didn't like the feel of his clothes sticking to him and being wet when not swimming or showering was just uncomfortable but he'd let her boss him around anyway. She was towel drying her hair when he found her near the dresser. One arm snaked around her waist and tugged the towel covering her body off in one quick pull.

"Patrick!"

"You won't be needing clothes to sleep in tonight." Her eyes met his in the mirror that was by the closet and suddenly the ache between her thighs was back full force. She'd never looked at herself like this before. Completely naked, bare of everything with a handsome man sneaking one hand up to her breast while pressing soft kisses to her neck. "So beautiful, so soft."

"What's gotten into you tonight?" He didn't want to tell her about refusing two women's company with the 'I'm married' excuse but that was what had him so worked up. It had been in that exact moment that his mind flashed back to their talk in her tub, the one where he told her he wanted to have a relationship with her. When he glanced down at the ring on his finger he had wondered if it bothered her and then decided that he'd show her he could be completely caught up in her and still wear the ring. Spinning her around and tugging her over to the bed, he knew it was time to be honest. Time to come clean about what he was thinking, what was making him want her, need her so much. Guiding her down against the mattress he maneuvered his way over her and held himself up on his arms.

"Does it bother you that I wear my wedding ring?" If he was going to be honest he might as well be blunt. She stared up at him for a few minutes, eyes wide and a lovely shade of green which contrasted nicely with her pale skin.

"No, why? Is that why you've been so grabby? I don't mind either of those, the ring or the touchy feely." The look on his face told her she'd answered too quickly and played it off too casually. "Alright look, its not exactly comforting to know that you wear a ring that promised you to your wife when we're...but its you. I'm not trying to change you and I would hate it if you took it off because of me. The choice to wear it is yours. Does that make sense?" His hand cupped her cheek as he rested some of his weight on her.

"Perfect sense. Touchy feely? Really Teresa?" He hadn't used the term 'babe' since that day in her office, but he wanted to. It would have fit perfectly well there but he didn't want her thinking he was trying to picture his wife instead of her.

"Oh, says the man who comes off with stuff like 'No business like Cho business'?"

"I thought that was rather good, the kid really is a natural. Needs some spicier clothes though." She snorted out a laugh, something that shouldn't have been attractive but it was.

"Yeah, cause you are the master of spicy clothes with your three piece suits."

"I own other stuff."

"Really? I'd love to see you in a pair of jeans." Lisbon loved imagining him in jeans, she wasn't sure why but something told her he'd look damn good in denim.

"Admit it was fun. You had fun." The cheeky grin on his face had her smiling back and trying to think of something to say. She couldn't really form coherent thoughts anyway when Patrick Jane was pressed against her naked and grinning like that.

"I was bored, nothing was happening."

"Impatient." He dipped his head to her chest and flicked his tongue across the top of one breast. She expected him to push it farther, maybe go for a repeat performance of the shower but he didn't.

"Seems we have that in common." Rolling to the side of her, he pulled her back against his chest and nuzzled the back of her neck. She smelled so good, and he had helped accomplish that. Before she could even mention it, he was turning off the lamp and pulling the blankets over them. "Thanks."

"Goodnight my dear."

"Night." He kissed her neck, then her shoulder before finally closing his eyes after one last glance around her bedroom. It was messy today, he'd commented on messy women making good lovers. By his experience it was true. He wasn't sure when it had happened but somehow she'd become the most important person to him, she was the one he cared about the most and it had everything to do with her feisty fierce attitude. He loved her ability to verbally spar with him, nobody else kept him on his toes like she did. Soon he'd let her help him, soon he'd show her how much he really did care. It was all going to start with that kiss he was aching for.

As Lisbon drifted into a light sleep, she realized it was nights like this one that made her love him even more. When they were playful and bantered back and forth, she loved it. He was in a good mood tonight which had her in one too. She had missed the playfulness they shared. The last few days they'd been very different and her guess was the almost kiss. Plus it felt so good to be joking around and laughing while in such intimate settings. When they had started this so many months ago, she never imagined they'd make it this far. It was supposed to only be a one night stand but that obviously hadn't been okay for either of them. Here they were, curled up in her bed naked and content.

**a/n: Another chapter closer to that kiss! Gosh even I'm bouncing up and down in excitement for it. I know it's so horrible of me to keep you guys waiting but I tend to be a little cruel. Oops. :) ~ Rina**


	15. Scarlett Fever

**Disclaimer: Not owning it...once again.**

**A/N: Typing this in the middle of the day. Ara's sleeping and so is Patrick. They stole most of the bed. I'm on the very edge with my laptop writing away. I can understand Ara napping because its her nap time and she's not even 2 yet but really, a 23 year old man needs naps? So not much of the episode influenced this one. Ah, well.**

After the long day of Country Club murders and moms with double lives, Lisbon found herself lying on her living room floor completely sweaty. Well, lying on Jane who was lying on her living room floor. Their heavy breathing and naked bodies gave away their previous activity. Lisbon was still reeling from the rigorous sex. They'd never been that demanding with each other before - not even during angry sex. Something in them just hadn't wanted gentle or loving on this night. Cheek pressed to his collar bone, she tried to think of when it started becoming so easy to give in to his touches. It came as second nature now; to cuddle into him when he pulled her down on top of his chest. No thought went into it anymore and she knew how dangerous that could become.

"You're tired." Stifling yet another yawn she fought to keep her eyes open.

"Did you read my mind to figure that out?"

"I can feel you yawning." Lisbon tended to be snarky and sarcastic, it was just who she was, but it was worse if she was sleepy. Luckily Jane didn't seem to mind. "You can go to sleep, don't let me keep you up."

"You didn't seem so concerned about keeping me up five minutes ago." She could feel his content hum of approval spread through his chest as his fingers danced lazily over her back. The sensitive flesh had already turned red from the carpet and the touch of his hand left behind a sting with every stroke.

Jane felt her tense against him. Tearing his gaze away from the ceiling he glanced down at the woman in his arms and frowned. He didn't like what he saw, he didn't like the abused red skin covering her back. He wondered if it was supposed to be a reminder that he'd probably only hurt her in the end but that thought was pushed away immediately. He knew he couldn't think like that if this thing between them was supposed to work. He hadn't realized how roughly they'd been going at it until he saw the places that were rubbed completely raw.

"I'm sorry Teresa." He knew it was the whispering tone of his voice that made her tilt her head to look up at him. Confusion plagued her face until he gently brushed his thumb over her lower back.

"Don't even start that, I enjoyed every second of getting this carpet burn." She remembered the first time they'd had sex on her floor and how he'd placed a blanket down but that was back when sex was just sex. As sweet as he'd been back then, she preferred this. "You always make it out to be all your fault when that's not entirely true Patrick. Other people are at fault too." They both knew they weren't talking about something as simple as carpet burn anymore.

"I was expecting you to say that it's not my fault."

"I can't say that, you wouldn't believe me." They shared a smile as he pressed his lips to the corner of her mouth.

"Get some sleep."

"I don't want to sleep on the floor." Glancing around her apartment she chuckled at the sight. They'd knocked over one of her shelves, the contents were littered around due to their shuffling feet. "Why are we in the floor anyway?"

"We tripped over one of your books and I was being impatient." She could distantly recall them stumbling over random things, hands and mouths roaming, Jane pushing her against the wall and also the way she pawed at him. A happy sigh vibrated through her body as she recalled exactly how the shelf ended up in the floor. She was definitely going to have bruises.

"Come on, we gotta pick this up." Jane groaned in disapproval as she rolled off of him and pushed herself up off the floor. He propped himself up on one elbow, and reached out to grab her hand before she could get too far away.

"We can do it later. Get back here."

"I'm tired, I want to get it done." Forcing himself to stand, he watched closely as she gabbed her clothes from the random places he'd thrown them and started to redress in the middle of her living room. He was a little disappointed that she was covering her lovely skin but when she stared at her pants and shirt for a few minutes he knew what was going through her mind. Wrapping an arm around her waist he kissed her shoulder and mumbled an apology when she hissed at the contact. He felt bad about her back, she should have said something. Then again he should have been thinking with his brain instead of something a little further south.

"There's no need to get fully dressed." Lisbon knew he was right, there really wasn't a point in putting the clothes back on only to have to take them off again in a matter of minutes but just to torture him she slid the shirt over her head and dropped the bra and pants onto the chair. There was something empowering about having Patrick Jane right behind her already trying to pull the shirt back off.

"Leave it mister." Smacking his hands and pushing him away, Lisbon bent down to grab the shelf resting against the floor. Grumbling aloud he found his underwear casually thrown over a lamp and slid them on. If he was going to be picking things up he didn't want to do it naked.

Bending down to help her, Jane didn't mention that he wanted her shirt off so he could survey her back thoroughly. He thought he caught sight of a bruise near her ribs too that he wanted to check out. This all reminded him of the times him and his wife used to get a little too frisky. They were married and he still always felt bad when she wound up wearing bruises because he ran them into a desk or kitchen counter. It was just the type of guy he was, he didn't like someone he loved injured because of him. It didn't matter if it was a bruise the size of a dime, he didn't like it. He wasn't ready to admit it out loud but he loved Lisbon, everything about her. He didn't know if he would ever be ready to admit it but that didn't matter, not being able to say it didn't make it any less true.

The books that littered her floor made it back onto the shelf along with the other random little things she kept up there with them. Lisbon found herself staring at the way Jane handled her things. He kept them in his hands for a long while just studying them before putting them on their respective shelves. She loved those hands, they could be gentle and so soft at times and then rough at others. For some odd reason she immediately thought back to the way he'd been sword fighting with the little boy named Oscar.

"Did you and your wife want more kids?" The question flew out and as soon as she realized what she'd just asked, a hand clasped over her mouth and her eyes screwed shut. She was such an idiot sometimes, she knew family was a sensitive topic for him. Silently beating herself up for asking something like that she jumped when his fingers wrapped around her wrist and pulled her hand from her mouth. Keeping her eyes closed she sighed when she felt his cheek press against hers. That's when she registered the fact that he had one arm around her waist, he was trying to hug her.

"Don't be so afraid to ask me questions Teresa."

"I'm sorry, that was a stupid thing for me to..." He cut her off by pulling back and lifting her chin.

"It was out of the blue, but not stupid. We never really talked about it." He didn't mention that his wife begged him to quit the psychic business to be around more.

"I was just thinking about when you were with Oscar."

"He reminded you of your brothers didn't he? I saw the smile on your face several times."

"Yeah." She didn't mention how obvious his change of topic really was.

"Now I think there's something that you and I do need to talk about."

Ignoring her protests he bent down and tucked one arm behind her knees, lifting her from the ground. Lisbon didn't ask where he was taking her, it was pretty obvious as soon as he started up the stairs. Letting herself enjoy the moment, she tucked her head into his neck and pressed her lips to his pulse point. Her teeth nipped at the same spot earning a groan from him as he carefully layed her back on her bed.

"Take your shirt off and roll over."

"What?"

"On your stomach." She was a little confused at his request but found herself complying nonetheless. The things she did for him. Nothing happened for several minutes and she let herself drift into a light slumber. Then the heat of his inner thighs brushed against the outside of hers and she was wide awake. He was straddling her, there was no sleeping through something like that. Something cool left a trail down her back and she knew what this was about.

"It's fine."

"You can't see it." Jane started to gently rub the antibiotic ointment into her skin over the raw areas, taking notice in how her breathing changed if he pressed too hard or hit a sensitive spot. It looked like somebody had slid her down a concrete wall. That was the last time they were having rough sex on her floor. Slamming her into a few walls along the way probably hadn't helped any.

"I promise you it's fine." Honestly her back felt like it was on fire but she didn't want him freaking out anymore than he already was. There was no point, they were having fun when it happened and she hadn't even noticed until after. She felt him press a soft kiss between her shoulder blades before his fingers went back to rubbing.

"Next time, stop me if I'm hurting you."

"You weren't hurting me....the floor was." She meant it as a joke but he didn't find it funny. "I didn't even notice at the time. I was a little preoccupied with moaning 'harder' so it was my fault. So what do we need to talk about?"

"You have to stop walking on eggshells around me. If you want to say something or ask just do it, Teresa. I'll tell you if I'm not comfortable with the topic. Don't just assume."

"Okay." A smile curved at her lips when she rolled beneath him. Her back was fine and he needed to realize that.

"I wasn't done."

"Sure you were." In one swift sneaky move she flipped their position so she could straddle his hips and revel in the look of shock on his face. She loved when she could surprise him. He set the tube of ointment on the night stand and rested his hands just below her breasts. She knew he was expecting her to do something playful. Leaning over him she rested her forehead against his let her fingers slowly run through his curls. "You've opened up with me, a lot lately and I haven't said anything."

"Teresa you don't have to..."

"I do, Patrick. You told me you want a relationship with me and you know how much I want that too but there's still some things I need to say. No matter how much fun this has been, I've had doubts. There are moments when I feel like we're still doing something wrong but when I'm actually with you it all just goes away. I know that sounded horribly cheesy but I don't know how to explain it. What I'm trying to say is: a real relationship sounds nice but I don't want you to feel like the only reason I'm still here is because I'm waiting for one. Even if we don't reach that point, I will never regret this."

Jane didn't know what to say, he didn't even know what to do really but he did know what he wanted to do. Slowly rolling them back over, he pinned her beneath him and shed them of their remaining clothing. He could show her what he felt a lot easier than he could tell her and when he whispered a simple 'you're beautiful inside and out' against her breast she pulled him closer.

He was going to make love to her, this time he would use slow gentle movements. He wanted to worship her body, leave her aching in need before letting them both have that satisfying relief. His hands searched every inch of her skin, paying more attention to her soft breasts and inner thighs. Listening to every hitch of breath, every moan, he built up the tension by letting his hands touch every area except the one place she really wanted him. His lips followed the same path, stopping to pay extra attention to her nipples. She arched into him with each gentle tug of his teeth and sweep of his tongue over the tender flesh. He had her humming in anticipation before he ever trailed his mouth down her stomach. Her hands were tugging at his hair by the time he pressed the first kiss to her knee. They'd never been like this with each other, he'd never taken this much time to explore.

He almost hated to stop but as soon as she spoke his name in that breathy aroused voice and asked him to please make love to her, he was a goner. It had taken every ounce of control he had not to scramble his way back up her body and just take her. Somehow he managed to drag out the torture and drift casually back up to her face with gentle kisses and loving nips. He stared into her eyes, taking in the way they widened and fluttered closed when he pushed into her. He loved the way they fit together, so perfect, the rhythm came second nature. The feel of her arching sweetly against him, letting him hold her tight as she started to come undone always had him faltering in his control. He wanted her to feel thoroughly loved by the morning though so he couldn't let go. He didn't cease the movement of his hips until he absolutely had to. He made himself wait. His body was screaming for release by the time he finally let himself fall over the edge but he had wanted to bring her as much pleasure as possible.

He devoted hours to proving how much he cared about her. No words were spoken through the night, instead he used soft touches and let his hands wander the curves of her skin. He let her sleep for a few hours at a time, waking her randomly with well placed kisses, to nestle himself between her thighs once again.

**a/n: I have severe carpet burn stretching from my shoulder blades down to my lower back.....it's rather raw and sore today. I never knew you could get carpet burn this bad, found out last night its possible. Everyones mind is in the gutter now isn't it? I haven't replied to reviews yet but that's what I'm doing after I post this. :) This chapter gave me hell for some reason, Hope you liked it. ~ Rina**


	16. Bloodshot

**Disclaimer: Not owning it...once again.**

**A/N: Because Bloodshot is one of my favorites I had to include several little moments from the episode and I extended them. :) I'd also like to say, yes, the last chapter was sort of written from personal experience. Thankfully though, my back feels a little better yay for having a man around who freaks out over something so simple as carpet burn. By the way this one has some major fluffiness in it.**

It was moments like these when Lisbon felt lonely. The hours she spent in her office with no one around always had her highly aware of the fact that she'd come to rely on Jane's company a little too much. The case was solved, she'd shot the man who had suckered Van Pelt into a fake sense of romantic comfort but Jane was still blind. She hoped it was only temporary like the doctor had said. She wasn't sure what she'd do if it wasn't, he would probably stay in the mood he'd been in. She wouldn't love him any less but it wasn't fair that he'd already been through so much and then bam he's blind too. Even if it was just temporary, he hadn't deserved it.

_"You're going to be fine." Lisbon was trying to be reassuring but Jane's snippy attitude made it a little harder to be convincing. She couldn't blame him though, she'd probably be acting the exact same way if she were stuck in a hospital bed and couldn't see._

_"Yeah, probably."_

_"We're going to find who did this." With each word she spoke she found it harder to see him lying there so dejected. She couldn't wrap her brain around the image of the larger than life man confined to a hospital bed. _

_"Good." Concern was written all over her face when she turned to face Cho. They didn't really know what to do or say to make him feel any better. "Oh, please don't look at each other like that." _

_"__Like what? You can't see." As soon as she realized what she had said she wanted to smack herself. Really, could she be any more insensitive?_

_"I can feel. I can feel your pity."_

_"Oh please, will you stop. We'll be back." She let Cho walk out in front of her on purpose, mainly so she could steal a few lingering looks at the man she cared so much for but just as she was about to walk out the door his voice stopped her._

_"Teresa..." It was almost heartbreaking to watch him reach out for her, unable to see where she really was. Giving Cho a look that said told him to wait outside, she closed the door and turned back towards the bed. She took a few steps back to Jane and slipped her hand into his giving it a gentle squeeze. He immediately relaxed against the pillow and offered her a sad smile. _

_"You're going to be fine Patrick." Without giving him a chance to say anything to the contrary, she bent down and rested her lips against his cheek. It was the least she could do, and she really hoped it made him feel a little better about the whole situation. He held her hand tighter, wrapping both of his around it and let out a shaky breath when she kissed the corner of his mouth. He might have been a bad patient but she knew it was only because he was scared. Now whether he would ever admit to that was an entirely different subject._

Lisbon hated that he couldn't open his eyes and see the light of day, she couldn't get over it, in fact she'd been so worried about him that she had forgotten about eating. Her stomach was now reminding her of that, quite loudly. Her back was starting to ache from hunching over in her chair but reclining wasn't an option since the carpet burn was still present. It had lessened, the sting was no longer near as bad as it had been but it still made for uncomfortable positions. Cho had even pointed out how she'd been sitting in the chair, of course she made up a lame excuse about needing a new mattress but she had the strange feeling that he hadn't bought into her line of bull.

One look at the clock told her something she already knew, it was morning. All she wanted to do was go home, get something to eat, take a long relaxing hot shower and then crawl into bed. When she grabbed her things and headed for the door, it hadn't even crossed her mind that Jane was probably still on the couch. It didn't even register in her brain until she saw him sitting there, nervously wiping his hands on the legs of his pants. Like a moth to flame, she was drawn in. Stepping closer to him, she watched carefully, hopefully as he peeled the bandages from his eyes. She could tell he was worried, already thinking of the worst case scenario. She'd been thinking of it too, it had been so odd for his pretty eyes to be so out of focus and unseeing. She hoped this time when the bandages were off that he'd be able to look at her and actually see. Inching closer she waited.

Jane was actually nervous, his heart was pounding in his chest but he knew it was time to open his eyes and face the music - so to speak. Taking a deep breath to calm himself he let his eyes flutter open. Blurs were the first thing he saw but at least it was something. Slowly it started to clear and he saw the one person he'd been picturing in his mind, Lisbon. There she was, in front of him with that concerned look on her face. It was mixed with a hopeful expression but he could see the worry. Relief flooded through his entire body, the light was bright after being blinded for a few days but it was welcome. He had decided he would hate himself more than he already did if he had waited all this time to kiss her only to be blind for the rest of his life so he couldn't even see her face when it happened. He found himself smiling, he was actually happy and he could tell that she knew he could see again. She looked absolutely stunning, but as pretty as her smile was he couldn't help but pull a fast one.

"Oh, you have no notion of how good it is to see your face...Rigsby." He watched as the smile fell and her brow furrowed.

"Rigsby?" There was a hint of hurt in her voice so he didn't drag out the silence any longer than necessary for the effect. As soon as his cocky grin was firmly back in place and he was pointing at her making that fooled you sound, she was smiling again. Shaking her head in amusement and muttering beneath her breath. It was good to be able to see her, and he wasn't going to take it for granted any longer. He didn't know what to expect if he stood to fast, so he tried slowly pushing himself to his feet. Thankfully nothing happened which had him smiling even brighter. He wanted to get her out of here, get her home and hold her while she slept. He had a feeling he'd be watching her for days just to make up for lost time. It had been disheartening for him to be in darkness; to not be able to see her smile or her pretty green eyes. He had the contours of her face, her body, memorized but it wasn't the same as being able to just see her. He would never take his sight for granted ever again, nope.

"Let me take you home."

"Oh, no. You are not driving yet. I refuse." The complete look of horror on her face was enough to have him smiling for the next week. He had a goal now, to get her to make as many of those cute faces as he could within the hour. He'd missed them.

"Fine, then you drive and I'll accompany you." Jane was surprised that she didn't protest when he reached for her hand and walked her out of the building. He'd been sort of hoping for her rebellion. That was another look he wanted to see, the look of utter disbelief at him for trying something mixed with a hint of anger. Being blind had bothered him, he was afraid but he wouldn't ever admit that. He'd been scared he wouldn't ever see the sky or clouds or be able to watch the rain fall. Most of all he'd been scared that he wouldn't get to see the look of pure pleasure on her face when she was pinned beneath him moaning in ecstasy ever again. That was definitely one of his favorite expressions. All of the fear had bubbled up inside of him and he knew as soon as they walked through her door that there was something he needed to tell her.

The mood between them had changed from playful to calm. As Lisbon unlocked the door, pushed it open and walked in, he stayed one step behind her. It was after she threw her stuff down on the table that Jane placed his hands on her hips and pulled her back against his chest. It was nice to feel her relax beneath his hold. Keeping his eyes open the entire time he nuzzled his face into her neck and inhaled the scent of her shampoo.

"You okay?" Her worried voice echoed in his ears as he slowly spun her around in his arms. "Patrick? I worry when you get quiet."

No longer able to deny himself the indulgence any longer for fear of once again being thrown a curve ball that could keep him from fully enjoying it, he let one hand caress the side of her neck. His thumb brushed along her bottom lip causing them to part beneath the touch. The air crackled with tension and Jane watched her face closely. Her eyes fluttered, half closing from the sensation. It was the half lidded sultry look that had him leaning closer. Wrapping one arm around her waist he pulled her flush against his body and letting his fingers continue teasing her lips. She sighed softly, the air whooshing against the pads of his fingers and he knew it was time but he wanted to savor this moment. His nose touched hers, brushing together gently as they both sucked in a sharp breath. Their lips were so close together, he could feel the heat radiating from hers. He kept his eyes open watching hers flicker closed as her hands came up to rest against his chest. This was his moment, it would be forever ingrained into his memory and he had to make it perfect. Swallowing down the small amount of nervousness that built in his chest, he finally let his eyes slip shut. The first touch of their lips was soft, barely there and it stunned him for a few seconds that this was really happening.

All the tension from the past few days, the fear and the dread went away. He brushed his lips across hers sweetly, loving the feel of her reciprocating the actions. He didn't want this to be overly passionate or desperate, he wanted it to be for the right reasons. Applying a little more pressure he sighed softly against her mouth before closing his lips around her bottom one. It didn't matter how many times he'd dreamed of this moment in the past months, the real thing beat any fantasy he could have come up with. Her mouth was soft and pliant, so unbelievably warm. It was their first kiss, he didn't want to drag it out, he didn't want it to become a mix of anything more than just a loving kiss shared between two people. He didn't want it to be a precursor for sex so as badly as he hated to lose the contact, he pulled away.

When he let his eyes open, hers were still closed. Her lips were slightly swollen and a brighter pink, her cheeks a little flushed and when she finally met his gaze her eyes were a darker green. The dazed look on her face, had him smiling softly. She looked breathtaking, this was what he'd been looking forward to the most. This was the real reason he wanted his blindness to be temporary. He would have hated if he had missed the opportunity to see her like this. It was so different than the way she looked when they were making love, this was somehow more powerful. The effect on both of them was bigger and suddenly he felt like a starved man.

The space between them was minimal, just the way he liked it, their faces only inches apart and their eyes held so many words and feelings that just couldn't be said. Lisbon's hands had gripped his jacket but now she was pushing it off of his shoulders. It had taken them this long to reach this point, he couldn't believe it had been so long ago when he'd held her captive in that hotel room just for comfort. He hadn't expected to care this deeply for her, to form this kind of relationship. He had not planned to fall in love. There was no going back, they could never go back and he didn't want to.

Grabbing hold of her hand he led them through her living room and up the stairs to her bedroom. She till hadn't spoke and he wondered if maybe she hadn't wanted the same thing but as soon as he stopped beside her bed and stared at her with concerned eyes, she smiled shyly. They'd been sleeping together for so many months that shy wasn't ever really an issue but he found it cute the way she stood there chewing her lip. He was nervous again, he'd never been this way around her, but it was like he wasn't sure if it was okay to reach out and touch her. Being brave, he let his fingertips seek the hem of her top. Their eyes met, she raised her arms into the air giving him the permission he wanted and in one swift pull her shirt was off.

He hadn't noticed before, he must have been too caught up in everything that had just happened but she was just as nervous. It was like they were first time lovers. Her breathing was fast, her chest giving that away with each silent heave. Brushing the hair from her face with two fingers, he let his free hand work on the button and zipper on her pants. He had a feeling she thought she knew what was going to happen. She stepped out of her shoes, and pulled off the socks before she let him continue taking her pants off. It made things so much easier and he found himself toeing out of his own shoes and socks. It was their own strange game of follow the leader. His shirt and pants were the next to go and just when he knew she was least expecting it, he lifted her from the ground and sat her down gently against the mattress.

Lisbon expected him to pull her matching bra and pantie set off next but his fingers never even wandered. He crawled over her, placing a hand on each side of her head to hold himself up and everything leading up to this had her mind reeling. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to think but she knew that kiss was the most tender and soulful she'd ever experienced. It had taken everything she had not to blurt out her secret right then. Even as she was lying under him, chest brushing his with every breath and staring into his eyes, she wanted to say it. Thing was, she was too caught up in the fact that he could see again, that he'd taken the big step and kissed her.

Resting her hands against his back, tracing over his shoulder blades and down his spine she wondered if she'd get that shower she had wanted, or the food for that matter. This was different, they usually had hands and mouths roaming by now. It had never been this intense staring contest between them but she couldn't speak and she couldn't stop herself from losing herself completely in that moment.

"I know what you're thinking Teresa but we're not doing that. We're just going to lie here. I just want to look at you and do this some more." He didn't give her time to process what he had said before leaning in and capturing her lips. This kiss was different than their first, it wasn't as soft but it wasn't hard or rushed. The pace was languid and lazy. He dragged his lips over hers coaxing her to match his rhythm. She kept up with him easily and when his tongue darted out to seek entrance she immediately let him in. She'd been waiting so long for this, so very long. She'd ached for it and now it was happening. She no longer cared about food or a shower. All she cared about was the man who finally let his weight rest against her and his hands travel along her mostly bare skin. This was the best morning either of them had experienced in a very long time.

She couldn't contain the whimper when he pulled his mouth away, it was probably safe to say she was addicted to him. Everything about him was so intoxicating and now that she had felt first hand what it was like to be kissed by Patrick Jane she never wanted it to end. Being made love to by him was one thing and this was something else. She could only image what would happen when they combined the two.

Jane rolled to the side of her, taking her with him and tangling their legs together in the process. She didn't seem nervous anymore and he knew he sure as hell wasn't. After only just a couple tastes he was completely addicted to her lips. There was no other way to explain it. Maybe it was selfish of him but he was ignoring the fact that she was tired so he could enjoy this time with her. It was a refreshing thought that they could spend the whole day in bed.

"Patrick?"

"Hm?" This was the first time she had spoken since the kiss in the living room and he definitely wanted to know what she had to say.

"Let's just spend the whole day like this okay?" His only reply was a grin and then him closing the distance between them once again. The meeting of their lips was brief and light, one of those kisses you could just barely feel.

"Why did I wait so long?" Lisbon knew it was a rhetorical question so she didn't even bother trying to answer. She just let herself be fully immersed in the way he kept staring at her. It was almost as if he'd never seen her before. He looked absolutely enthralled by her. She was just about to comment when a loud rumbling broke the easy silence causing them both to chuckle. "Hungry?"

"Yeah, but I don't want to move." Apparently to Jane that meant it was his duty to make sure she had something to eat. Her own personal waitor. Much to her disapproval he had jumped out of bed with the promise of food. She didn't care about the food she didn't want him to leave but thankfully by food he meant a bag of Doritos and some snack cakes. Swiss Rolls to be precise. This had turned out to be the most unhealthy breakfast she'd had in a long time but at least he was back in the bed. They ate the junk food like they were starving, stealing bites and chips from each other and kisses too. Jane used the excuse that she had some chocolate on her lips but they both knew the truth. He was making up for lost time and she wasn't going to complain one bit. The chips made it onto the night stand to be forgotten as she curled into his chest and gave in to the relaxing movements of his hand through her hair.

Jane spent the next hour trying to put her to sleep, he knew she needed it but she was stubborn and kept herself awake. He tried running soothing lazy strokes over her back, through her hair, but it didn't work. She wanted to stay up and he knew it was because of the kiss. So he tried something a little different. Shifting her around in his arms, he kissed her softly quickly and then repeated the action three times before letting himself deepen it. He traveled his hands down her back in long slow strokes that matched the movement of his lips against hers. He still hated the rough patches on her skin from the carpet but they were healing. She moaned low in the back of her throat and tried to pull him closer but that proved impossible. Their bodies were already completely pressed together. Changing the pace again, he slowed back into using sweet brief kisses, brushing his lips over hers lightly and lulling her into a sense of complete comfort. He kept at it, not really seeing it as a chore but a pleasure. Just as he felt her muscles relaxing he distanced the kisses. A few seconds apart, then a few minutes and just as he had planned she no longer opened her eyes in between and her response was weakening each time. One last kiss had him whispering a quiet 'sleep Teresa' and then she was out.

**a/n: So I honestly can't wait to hear every-bodies thoughts on this one. I really hope you liked it and that it was worth the long wait I made you suffer through. I've had this chapter typed since I started this, but I had to go in and change a few things so it'd fit a little better. Going to reply to all the reviews now...I just couldn't put off posting this chapter any longer. :) ~ Rina**


	17. Carnelian Inc

**Disclaimer: Well considering my car is totaled and I can't afford another one so I'm bumming rides from my boyfriend, I'll say nope don't own the Mentalist. Or any of the characters.**

**A/N: I hope you like the new chapter. I'm a little loopy on pain meds but I'm thinking it turned out alright. I think. I had Patrick proof read it for me, but there still might be some minor mistakes. This one has lots of flashbacks, it's pretty much ALL flashbacks...we've established that they are always in Italics yes? Well if we haven't, they are in italics and I'm hoping it's not all confusing. Again I'll blame the medication. :)**

It was quiet, too quiet, eerily creepy silent and Lisbon was using the lack of noise as her comfort for the night. She had to get used to the idea that Jane wasn't always going to be with her, that he wouldn't spend the night. Without being able to feel the warm weight of his arm slung low over her waist she felt alone in every sense of the word. Just when she'd been getting used to the feel of his lips against hers she had to go and royally screw it all up. Just her luck. Now she had no idea if he'd be back or if confronting him tomorrow would be a good idea. She didn't know what to do, she wanted to call him and explain things but she wasn't even sure where to start. She wasn't sure how to explain.

**  
_"Like you don't know you have major trust issues." It was a sarcastic statement, one Lisbon should have known would lead to trouble._

_"I trust people. I trust you." _

_"No you don't and I don't trust you either." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, or even think. Jane had seemed sincere but she never could tell when they were working. He kept up a facade at work that she wasn't sure she'd ever break through._

_"It's upsetting to hear that. Really? You don't trust me?" _

_"Of course not! How many times have you lied to me, misled me, tricked me? Is that trust? No!" In all honesty she meant it as a work related topic, but by the look in his eyes she knew he had taken it personally. Then the nagging little voice inside her head made an appearance making it known that she should have kept her mouth shut.  
**_

Lisbon was cold, the side of the bed Jane usually occupied was empty and it was her fault. There was no warmth coming from him, she choked back a sob as she thought about the words they had exchanged in her living room. Those stupid, stupid words had spilled out and he'd taken them seriously. It was serious she supposed, she knew she loved him and she knew she trusted him. So why did she lie about it? She'd give him her heart in a second, in fact he already had it. She'd put her life in his hands and never regret the decision, that's how much she trusted him. Why did she choose to hurt him, to lie and crush him? She was so confused. None of this had made any sense.

Burrowing deeper into the blankets for warmth, she let her bottom lip tremble as she wiped at her damp cheek. The tears fell silently as she inhaled the scent of him from the pillow. This was dumb, she shouldn't have been this shaken up over something like this. It was a misunderstanding. Surely Jane knew that. He should have stayed with her, they could have talked it out. Maybe he could have told her why she had said she didn't trust him when that wasn't entirely true. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, it was that she trusted him so much it absolutely terrified her. She hadn't ever trusted someone this much but this man who constantly tormented her, misled her and tricked her had managed to somehow earn her faith. Lisbon buried her face into the pillow and wondered if she had said those things as one last attempt to make herself see he was untrustworthy. To see that she shouldn't be in love with him, but why would she do that to herself? Maybe she was losing her mind.

**  
_"Lisbon, I want you to know that you can trust me. No matter what happens I will be there for you. I will. I need you to know that." She'd been stunned into silence by his words. She hadn't expected something like that while they were technically still working. "Now can I catch you?"  
**_

Even through his smile, she could tell he was hurt. He acted happy when she did indeed give in and let him catch her but she knew. That's what made this so much more difficult. She could have just apologized, but was it even possible to take something like that back? She had opportunities to do so but she had planned to just let it blow over, to let him forget about it. She should have realized this was Jane, he wouldn't just forget that she'd said she didn't trust him. Throughout the case, he'd returned to acting normal, and she had assumed it had become a memory. The hurt she had sensed was gone or at least she had thought it was. As soon as they'd got into the car, she had tried to cease all his worries and she thought she'd done a good job.

_**  
She waited until he was sitting in the driver's seat, until the door was closed and then she was reaching for him._ _Her hands found the collar of his jacket and he knew exactly what she had planned. She wanted to know they were still okay, he rested his hands on her hips as he turned to face her. Their lips met softly, he was the one who made the contact, he closed the distance between them. Her mind was spinning, she figured this meant he wasn't upset anymore or that this would take care of it. He was hesitant, cautious and she thought she could make everything better by showing him she still wanted him._

_Her hormones were raging, they hadn't had sex since their first kiss in her living room a week ago. Not for her lack of trying but he always got them to the bed or the couch and then stopped. He seemed perfectly content to just let his hands and lips roam without taking it further. She was starting to go nuts from the built up tension between her thighs. One touch from him had her judgement clouding over. _

_Lisbon momentarily forgot about the conversation that had taken place less than three minutes ago. She didn't care that they were technically still working, she would agree to parking somewhere secluded and breaking in his backseat at this point. No one would be the wiser, it was after all a long drive. She pulled him closer, deepening the kiss and letting her hands move to his curls. Neither of them seemed to mind that anybody at the little farmer's market could see them but then he gently pushed her away._

_"Teresa...we're working." It was said on a breathy whisper, the hurt was still present and now she felt even more like a horrible person. She'd been trying to make it better and in the process she managed to make it worse. "We need to get back."_

_"Yeah, sorry."  
**_

A shiver coursed through her body as she recalled the kiss. She should have known it would only make things harder between them. You didn't say 'I don't trust you' and then turn around and practically jump the person in their car. It was a bad judgement call on her part and she was now paying for it. There was no doubt in her mind that they wouldn't stop having their sexual relationship but she found herself not wanting it if it went back to the way it was in the beginning.

She hadn't expected the emotions he felt to boil over, she hadn't expected him to bring it up again so soon but he had. As soon as they'd walked into her living room things had been tense. The elephant in the room made it's presence known when she'd tried to make idle conversation. She had thought they would talk, move on, make love and go to bed but she'd been wrong. It seemed she was wrong a lot lately.

_**  
"What's wrong?" They were sitting on the couch and both were trying to figure out what to say. Lisbon was resting her head on his shoulder and Jane had his arm around hers but it felt like they were miles apart._

_"You really don't trust me? I trust you Teresa, I do. I thought I made my intentions clear." _

_"We're still on that?" It was the broken tone of his voice that had her somewhat startled. She thought they were past this. They'd gone back to their bantering throughout the case so she had thought it was forgotten. "Patrick I..."_

_"I thought you'd know by now that you could trust me. Teresa, we've been..I mean it's been months since we started this. Almost a year. I told you what I want with you, and you said you wanted the same. I didn't know I'd given you any reason not to trust me." _

_"No, that's not..." She tried to comfort him. She rested a hand against his cheek but he brushed it off and abruptly stood up leaving her on the couch. She followed him, to limit the space he was trying to put between them._

_"I think I should go home tonight." _

_"What? No, Patrick I didn't..." His hands caught her wrists when she tried to touch him. He looked so sad, so defeated._

_"I just need some time to think Teresa and I can't do it here." _

_"Would you please let me finish one goddamn sentence?" Lisbon should have known that anger wasn't the road to take, but he wouldn't even let her try and apologize. He kept interrupting and she didn't want him to leave. She wanted him to listen to what she had to say. "Don't leave, don't do this."_

_"I'll see you tomorrow." He was half way out the door before she could even open her mouth. Reaching towards him one last time she grabbed his hand but quickly let it drop when she saw the look in his eyes. He was fighting tears, she'd done that to him._

_"Patrick, please. I..." She was silenced by his lips pressing firmly to hers and then he was gone. The door shut between them effectively ending their conversation. He was leaving and she couldn't stop him. "...trust you. I trust you." _

_Her plea was whispered against the harsh reality of what had just happened. He was already gone before she said it. They hadn't fought, not really. Not unless one sided counts as a fight. She'd fought to keep him there and he'd walked away because of something she'd done. Despite the fact that it wasn't technically a fight, she felt horrible. Her heart constricted painfully in her chest as she contemplated running after him. That would make her look a bit too desperate and she knew it wouldn't change his mind about going home.  
**_

Wrapping the blankets tighter around herself, Lisbon gave in to the tears and as a last attempt she grabbed her phone from the nightstand. She'd leave him a message if she had to but there was no way she could let him torture himself about this. It had nothing to do with how she was feeling, she cared about him. He always made everything out to be his fault and she had no doubt that's what he was doing. She couldn't let him. He already carried heavy enough burdens. She didn't want to lose him to all of her conflicting emotions.

**XxxxXxxxXxxxXxxxXxxxXxxxXxxxXxxxX**

It was after one in the morning and Jane was cold, he missed being able to wrap himself around Lisbon for heat. He should have known that she didn't trust him, he should have been able to tell but he had never seen anything in her eyes or her demeanor that insinuated she didn't. He tried thinking of what he might have done that kept her from trusting him, surely there was a way to fix this.

_**  
"Talk to me." Jane hadn't really wanted to keep her awake, he wanted time to think but he was getting tired and conversation would be the only thing to keep him alert._

_"Do I have to?"_

_"No. I could just fall asleep and we could drift into on-coming traffic. Your call." It had been eating away at him for hours but he couldn't get over the fact that she didn't trust him. It blew his mind that he had missed something that important._

_"Have you seen any good movies lately?" Her question was forced, even someone with no observational skills whatsoever would have been able to tell._

_"No. You?" _

_"No."_

_"Interesting." Jane really hadn't intended to seem so out of it, but as interesting as movies really were, he was more interested in why she didn't trust him and why he'd never been able to tell before. They'd been having sex for months for goodness sake, he was upset with himself more than he was with her. _

_"I've been with you all the time lately Patrick, it makes sense that my answer would be the same." He ignored the comment and let his mind keep wandering the dangerous pathway that led to several reasons she wouldn't trust him. None of which were applicable in their case, at least he hadn't thought so.  
**_

He was lying on the cold mattress below the sick and twisted smiley face on his wall. He missed the warmth of Lisbon's body next to him, he missed actually being in a bed instead of just tossing around on nothing but a mattress. He knew there would be no sleeping on this night. It was going to eat away at him until he found out why Lisbon didn't trust him. There would be no sleeping tonight. He'd actually grown used to sleeping next to her. Used to the way she sighed softly and occasionally moaned while still sound asleep, the way she would curl up next to him as close as she could get. He had grown spoiled to her touch, her breathing, everything and now he had to question all of it. He had to figure out what he'd done wrong. He didn't want to lose her.

The ringing of his cell phone startled him. One look at the caller ID had his heart clenching, he wasn't sure talking to Lisbon would be a great idea. Glancing over at the face on the wall he answered with slight catch in his voice. He hoped she didn't catch it. He had something he needed to tell her. He didn't give her a chance to say anything, he went into an explanation of what he wanted instead.

"Teresa, I want you to listen, don't interrupt. I know you called for a reason but I have something I need to say." Her voice sounded small when she tried to speak, he could tell she'd been crying but he'd deal with that later. He'd feel guilty and probably pour himself a drink after he hung up but he had something to say first. "Don't interrupt, please, I have something I want to show you. I want to share it with you. There's a place I want to take you but I can't do it until I know you trust me. I've never told anyone about it, nobody has ever seen it. We can talk about it after you've had some sleep. I'm going to hang up now, I just needed to tell you that."

He could hear her on the other end, asking him to wait, not to hang up but he did it anyway. He couldn't stand the thought of her crying because of this, because of him. A tear spilled down his cheek as he pushed off the mattress and headed down the stairs. He wasn't sure where he was going, he'd probably roam aimlessly through the house but it was better than being in that room.

**a/n: This will carry over to the next few chapters. Oh and Lisbon will MAKE him listen to her. Darn them both for being so stubborn. Grr. I know its a little depressing but it can't stay fluffy forever. :) Wait, is that the appropriate time to be using a smiley face? Probably not, anyways hope you liked it. ~ Rina**


	18. Russet Potatoes

**Disclaimer: Even after all this time...I still don't own it. I'm starting to think they're never going to give it to me. **

**A/N: Last few days were interesting......on with the chapter. I know you guys have been waiting to read this and I love you for it! Honestly you are the BEST! :) Enjoy.**

"Don't remember what?" Jane studied Rigsby for a minute after the man had asked that question in what seemed to be pure confusion. Surely he remembered kissing Van Pelt in the middle of the bullpen. He was about to spill the beans and just clear the air but Cho cut him off before he could open his mouth.

"He remembers."

"He _so _remembers!" Lisbon had a cup of coffee in her hands and was smiling brightly. Jane was momentarily distracted by the smile on her face and how she sounded saying something in that tone. It was cute, girly. She looked happy despite the way they'd been avoiding talking about anything but work. He'd almost been thrown off a building, and she acted fine.

"What?" A nervous laugh escaped Rigsby as Lisbon and Cho left the room. The poor guy looked absolutely confused but Jane had bigger things to attend to.

"It'll come to you." He patted him on the shoulder as he walked out, hoping to maybe trigger a few memories that had been forgotten, he didn't stick around to see if it worked. He was too busy heading to the old trusty couch. It was where he done his best thinking and he had a lot to think about. Lisbon mostly and where they stood now. It was hard to see her, work with her, knowing that they were both hurting inside. He knew she was torn up about this too, he had heard her crying when she had called him. He'd promised they'd talk but they didn't. To be honest, he'd been avoiding it because he had no clue what he was going to say.

He missed her. The warm touches and coy smiles they shared in the early morning, the way she would laugh and shiver whenever he nuzzled her neck before he had the time to shave; he missed all of it. The simple things that he had thought he'd never experience again after the loss of his family; the love. That's what he missed the most. It unnerved him that his heart ached this much in a four day time span. He was about to plop down on his couch when he saw her standing in her office doorway motioning for him to join her. He almost groaned, he didn't want to do this. He didn't want to be alone with her, he wasn't sure what would happen. He knew it would get messy, he'd noticed the past couple mornings that her eyes had been red rimmed when she arrived at work. Of course if she looked close enough she would have noticed his were too. Sucking in a sharp breath, he figured he owed her this much and proceeded to follow her into her office.

Lisbon was tired of acting like nothing had happened. She was sick of it, and it seemed the only way to make Jane listen was to force him. The man could be such a stubborn ass sometimes. Yet, she missed having him around her apartment. It wasn't the same when she didn't have someone there to wash her back and distract her while she was in the shower. Nothing was the same without him, and she'd come to realize just how big of an impact he had on her life.

She had almost jumped for joy when he started towards her but she managed to stay in control. She knew she'd been a complete mess for the last four days, she blamed it on the fact that she hadn't ever felt as strongly for any other man in her life as she did for Jane. She wasn't going to let one misunderstanding be their downfall, it would be too easy to just pretend nothing happened. To let it blow over and go back to the way things were. She wouldn't let that happen, she couldn't have 'just sex' with him. It was impossible but there was no doubt in her mind that's what this would go back to if they didn't get the whole thing cleared up. It seemed it would be up to her, and as hurt as she was over the mess they'd created she was determined to make him understand.

Her eyes met his and held as he walked into her office. She closed the door behind him, locking it and shutting the blinds. They would need privacy for this, she made sure she had all the blinds taken care of before turning around. Something told her this would get a little emotional.

"Lisbon, I don't think we should do this here. It's not exactly..."

"Just hush." Jane studied her for a few silent seconds taking in her tired appearance but she didn't seem to care. "You're going to listen, okay, and you're not going to interrupt. I'm sick of this, the way we've been with each other. I've never..."

"Teresa..."

"No, let me finish." Jane realized that if this was different circumstances he would probably be extremely turned on. She looked positively determined and her voice was demanding yet pleading. "This is stupid Patrick. I know what I said hurt you, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry but I'm also angry. You didn't even give me a chance to explain, you didn't even let me finish one sentence. You ran because I hurt you. I can't fault you for that but it still makes me so mad that you didn't even want to talk to me about it. You promised on the phone, you said we would talk but we didn't. You've been avoiding me and like an idiot I've been letting you."

"You're not angry at me." Even though she had told him twice not to interrupt, she had to admit he was right. She wasn't angry at him, she was angry at herself for being hurt and confused. She wasn't mad that he was avoiding her, she was aching inside because of it. Groaning in pure frustration she shoved him, causing him to fall back and land on the couch.

"Just listen to me, dammit." She couldn't control herself when he looked like he'd been having a rough time too. Tears welled up in her eyes before she could stop them and it pissed her off to no end that she was starting to lose it. "I trust you. You have to know that. I trust you so much that it absolutely terrifies me. I'm sorry I made you believe otherwise but you should have listened to me, you should have let me explain."

Jane hadn't said a word since she'd shoved him into a sitting position on the couch, he couldn't have even if he wanted to. He was frozen by her emotions boiling over, the tears that were now streaming down her cheeks and the lump forming in his throat. He tried swallowing it back down but it only seemed to intensify with each word the woman in front of him spoke. He'd done this to her. He should have kept his promise instead of avoiding her like the plague.

"You, you said you wanted to show me something and then you just hung up...Patrick why didn't you just listen?" He became aware of the fact that he missed part of her speech but it didn't really matter, he had the highlights. The parts that mattered the most rang clear in his head. Upon hearing her question, he looked her in the eye gauging how much the last four days had taken a toll on her. This had all gotten way too out of hand. Silence stretched for several minutes and then he finally managed to come up with a reply.

"I was scared. I was afraid of what you were going to say. I do have somewhere to take you, something to show you. Two places and somethings really."

Lisbon stepped closer to the couch, closer to Jane. She cautiously reached out to touch his shoulder but he caught her hand before she could. She was shocked by the sudden movement but she let him caress her hand and kiss each fingertip.

"I shouldn't have hung up on you. I shouldn't have left your apartment in the first place." She let out a ragged sigh and wiped at her dampened cheeks with her free hand.

"I shouldn't have said I didn't trust you. We need to get something straight if we're still doing this, no more running. If we're afraid of something or angry then we own up to it. No more being miserable for days without knowing what's going on. Okay?" Jane didn't answer, he tugged her down next to him instead, burying his face in her hair and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. She gripped at his jacket and pressed her cheek to his shoulder. Inhaling the fresh scent of him, Lisbon let herself find a sense of calm for the first time in days. This wasn't going exactly the way she had planned but as he pulled her closer she found herself not really caring. God she had hated not being able to touch him, to be held him.

"We'll be okay Teresa." She kept her mouth shut and continued to just let him hold onto her as if at any second she might disappear. They both knew it had something to do with the way he'd almost been tossed over the side of a building. That's what had ultimately led to this entire confrontation. Lisbon couldn't take it anymore and watching as Rigsby tried to throw him off that roof had been the straw that broke the camel's back.

Neither of them seemed to mind the fact that they were still sitting in her office. It didn't seem to matter as they gripped tightly at each other, while they whispered sweet nothings and apologies back and forth. Four days may not be that long by anyones standards but for two lonely souls who relied on each other for peace, it felt like an eternity.

**a/n: A little happier than last chapter, no? Next chapter = The places and things Jane wants to show Lisbon. The end of this chap pretty much happened to me. Except I was the one doing the avoiding...and I was still the one to break down. Classy huh? I hope you enjoyed. I'm going to try my hardest to post at least one more chapter on both of my stories before or by Thursday. TRY. I make no promises because Ara's 2nd birthday is this week. ~ Rina**


	19. A Dozen Red Roses

**Disclaimer: I don't even own a house, that's obviously a no. I do not own the Mentalist...grr.**

**A/N: So this was another one of those episodes that I didn't much care for...hence why there is only a few references. This is what happens later that night. Basically you get to thank NellietheItalian for this chapter. It wouldn't have been up tonight otherwise. Thanks for the nudge Nell. Enjoy.**

The trees in front of her passed quickly, the colors blurring together in the night. Lisbon had been in the passenger seat of Jane's Citroen for awhile now. She didn't keep track of the time, she knew in the back of her mind where they were going. She'd known since he tapped lightly on her office door with that sheepish, nervous look on his face. Jane was a lot of things around her, but he was hardly ever nervous. At least not that she knew of, he was usually good at hiding things like that but it seemed like he wasn't even trying. Earlier he'd told her guessing was good for her, this time she didn't even need to guess. It was obvious he was taking her to his house; the one his family was murdered in.

*  
_"Whoo! She was some woman. Make the mighty Agent Lisbon blush like a schoolgirl." Lisbon wanted to smack him upside the head for saying something like that but resisted._

_"Please. I did not." Okay, so she might have blushed, but only a little. He didn't need to point it out._

_"You know what I predict?"_

_"Nope."_

_"Guess." She kept her hands close to her sides, for the sole purpose of controlling the urge to thread her fingers through his. Technically it wouldn't have mattered no one was around but it still wasn't professional._

_"Ah, just tell me."_

_"No, I think you should guess. It's good for you." He thought it was good for her? What was that supposed to mean? Glaring at him playfully she waited for the answer. She knew he didn't actually plan on waiting for her to guess. He was just being Jane but she had to admit after last week she was glad to see him like this.  
*_

Lisbon silently wished he was still in a joking mood. Her heart had been pounding in her chest from the moment he asked her to please join him on a little trip. It felt like something completely intimate and private, at first she had wanted to say no. She didn't want to go to a house he had shared with his family, with his wife but the pleading in his voice made her nod silently. She hasn't spoke, neither has he and even though she wants to say so much she can't find the right words. This has to be the something he wanted to show her. He wanted to share part of his past with her and though she found it flattering she couldn't help but wonder why he was gripping her hand as if he was afraid she'd disappear from beside him. He held it in a death grip, she was starting to lose feeling in her fingers.

The closer they got to the house, his house, the harder he squeezed but she knew he wasn't doing it on purpose. By the time they pulled into the driveway her hand was aching and the tips of her fingers were turning a reddish purple.

"Patrick, you're hurting my hand." Lisbon used hushed tones, hoping not to startle him but it didn't work. As soon as he comprehended what she was saying he jerked away from her with a somewhat distant look on his face.

"Sorry, I didn't - sorry." He looked terrified, and she watched as he swallowed nervously while she stretched her sore fingers. To be completely honest with herself, with him, she hadn't given much thought about him still owning the place. It hadn't been her business to ask. Part of her knew, just by what kind of man he was but in all the time they'd spent together it hadn't ever been brought up. Not once.

"You didn't need to bring me here. Really, it's a sweet gesture but I..."

"No, it's not sweet. Just wait." Without another word - no explanation at all behind the cryptic tone he had used - he climbed out of the car not bothering to wait for her to follow. Jane knew there were several different ways this could play out. Very few were good. He wasn't sure how she would handle the dark and twisted man he really was. The man who left that sick smiley painted in his family's blood on the wall. He wondered how she would react.

Jane could feel her behind him while he unlocked the door. He could hear her footsteps as he headed straight for the darkened stairs and he had to admit it was weird to know somebody besides just him was here. He needed to do this, he had to. He couldn't move forward with her any more than he already had without showing her what held him back. He must have stalled at the bottom of the stairs, because the next thing he knew she was standing to left of him with her hand caressing his. With a deep breath he conquered the first step. This wasn't usually a big task but he'd never had someone accompany him before. Someone he loved.

"Teresa, I have to show you this and if you change your mind about, uh, about things between us then I understand."

"What, no I won't change my mi..." She looked so beautiful in the shadows, mystic in a way. Despite her words, he leaned in and gently brushed his lips over hers just in case. He only allowed himself a gentle caress, over as soon as it had begun and then he was opening the door at the top of the stairs. Now or never.

Lisbon was confused as to why they were here, the soft kiss only served to mess with her head even more. It took her a few seconds to open her eyes and when she did Jane was no longer in front of her. He had made his way into the room. Cautiously stepping through the doorway, she eyed the mattress he was standing in front of, then switched to eyeing him. His shoulders were slumped forward, and she saw the way they moved as he took in a deep breath. She didn't understand, she knew which room this was. She knew this had to be hard for him, but she didn't understand why he looked so ashamed. When he stepped to the side and let her see what he'd been hiding by blocking her view with his body, it became clear.

There on the wall was a bloody smiley face, the one left by Red John. The one painted in his family's blood. A shiver ran down her spine as nausea rocked her stomach. Her eyes went wide, a sharp breath entered her lungs and Jane still wouldn't look at her. She kept glancing from him to the wall and back again. It sickened her that he must have slept under that reminder of what had happened. It bothered her because he felt he had to, not so much because he actually did it. Although it did make her certain that she was no longer letting him leave her apartment at night unless she knew without a doubt he wasn't coming here. There was no way this was healthy.

Lisbon reached for Jane, a light touch that rested on his arm. It was to get his attention. He wouldn't look at her, he kept his gaze on the floor, the wall anywhere but her. She could tell it was out of shame and fear. It all made sense now, he was afraid she would run. The thought had occurred when she saw Red John's signature, but she would have taken him with her. She would have run from the house, not from him. Even though she grasped his arm gently, he didn't move. Despite the very little lighting she could see tears gathering in his eyes and knew immediately how hard this was for him. It was one thing to leave something like that on the wall but it was something else entirely to share it with somebody.

"It's okay, I'm not going anywhere." That didn't stop her from wanting to go somewhere. She wanted to get out of this room, maybe lose her lunch but she stayed. For his sake, she took his hand and stepped closer to him. He still wouldn't meet her gaze.

"It's not okay. I know you think it's sick."

"Yes, I do. I won't lie to you, but I know - I understand - why you haven't removed it." Lisbon let her free hand cup his cheek, making him look her in the eye before she continued. "Don't be ashamed in front of me, I don't think any less of you."

Before Lisbon could even blink, Jane's arms had pulled her into a tight, desperate embrace. He buried his face in her hair whispering words that she couldn't make out and she let him. Closing her eyes to block out the wall she was facing, she hugged him just as tightly and ran her hands through his curls in hopes of soothing him. This all reminded her of when her youngest brother would have nightmares and she'd sit up with him for hours just cradling him to her chest and stroke his hair. The only difference being, this wasn't her brother. This was the man she'd fallen in love with and his desperate grip wasn't caused by a nightmare. At least not this particular time. There had been nights he'd spent tossing restlessly, moaning in agony before waking drenched in a sweat. She'd done her best to comfort him then, and she was doing her best now.

Neither of them were sure how long they stood there like that, but eventually Lisbon had broke the silence and asked if they could leave the room. Jane hadn't answered verbally but he had led her back down the stairs and into the kitchen. Both of them were breathing a little easier once outside of that room. It was late, he had wanted to take her to the cemetery too but that could wait until another time. Sometime when it was daylight and they'd had some sleep. She hadn't asked where the second location was that he wanted to show her so he didn't offer the information. He had another idea for them tonight, a way to forget and loosen up after everything. There were a couple bottles he had purchased when they had their falling out over the trust issue. Bottles that he hadn't actually consumed like he'd planned.

Lisbon didn't ask questions when a bottle of Vodka seemed to appear out of thin air. She just accepted his offer, grabbed the bottle and took a gulp enjoying the burn. She figured after all the emotions, they could use something with a kick. They passed it back and forth, slowly sinking into a sitting position with their backs resting against the counter. For a while they drank in silence, just stealing touches but when the alcohol began to set in, all of their walls collapsed into one big pile of rubble. They were more talkative, more hands on. Lisbon had moved to straddle Jane and he had rested his hands on her sides, beneath her shirt. They both had to admit that it had definitely taken the edge off. The serious situation they'd just been in seemed less so after finishing off the bottle. Lisbon still didn't ask questions. Their serious conversation dissipated with each drink leading to something less trivial.

"I know that wasn't the, uh the most...pleasant thing to see." Jane felt like his brain was going warm and fuzzy, but it was a welcomed feeling as he passed the newly opened second bottle of potion to Lisbon. She took a swallow and groaned. They both knew they'd regret this in the morning.

"S'okay. Not the worst thing..." She'd seen worse before. "My dad nearly beat my little brother to death one time. And I have no idea why I just said that."

"We're sharing." An almost loopy smile lifted the corners of his lips after he pressed a kiss to her nose.

"We're drunk..."

"Hm, yes. Almost." Neither of them minded on this particular night. Not really, it was something they could both use and as the drunken conversation differed from topic to topic they became more animated. Lisbon talked about a goldfish she'd had at the age of five; how she'd wanted to show her friend so she had put it in her pocket. Though being inebriated made the story funnier than it truly was, the darker more sinister thoughts always lingered in their minds. They were just muddled by the alcohol, for now. The morning would bring them crashing back to the reality. The fact that they were now lying in Jane's kitchen floor, in the house his family had been murdered in would ruin the mood once daylight came. For now, they continued pointing out little things about each other and wondering exactly how they'd went from sitting to lying.

They'd both had a little too much but Jane wasn't nearly as effected as Lisbon. He heard her loud and clear when she whispered something in the dark that he probably wouldn't remember in the morning but he knew what it meant. Curled into his arms with her head resting on his chest, Lisbon pressed a kiss to Jane's jaw and let her tired eyes droop.

"I'm 'n love withyou Patrick." He knew she was too far gone to realize what she had said but he realized it. The words were slurred together but it was clear enough to make out. In his own fuzzy minded state, he said something in reply.

"Thanks for...well, y'know stuff." Even drunk, Jane knew he couldn't say the words he wanted to but he'd meant to thank her for everything, for being there, for getting wasted with him, for staying even after he had shown her the smiley. He couldn't remember all of it though, so he just hoped she got the point. Part of him was already wishing they'd consumed enough alcohol so neither of them would remember this.

**a/n: So, I'm thinking now since we've had a good lump of Lisbon comforting Jane that the next intense chapter should be swapped positions. What do you think? Anyway, I don't know when that'll happen but next up: PONY!!!!! Off to reply to review now...and tomorrow I'm taking the day to read and review everything I'm SO behind on. There's tons of story alerts in my inbox that I need to get to reading. :) ~ Rina**


	20. Red Sauce

**Disclaimer: I'M MOVING!! Unfortunately this doesn't mean I own the Mentalist. **

**A/N: Oh my goodness guys only 3 chaps left. So I'm going to keep this short. I'll reply to reviews as soon as I post this. You guys are amazing. :) One more thing and then I'll let you get on with the reading: PONY! This picks up right at that scene because really I just couldn't resist. ;) If there are any mistakes...BLAME PATRICK! It's all his fault for not being here to proof read it. **

Another case closed. Of course Lisbon was still being grumpy because she thought Jane had forgotten her birthday but he hadn't. She wouldn't ever admit to that, but he knew it was true. He'd just had to make some last minute phone calls because the one gift he'd pre-ordered was running late. Granted she didn't exactly believe him when he kept saying 'It's on its way.' Go figure. Then again her mood might also have been because he toyed with a mob boss. She was always a little miffed with him for stuff like that. Or it might have been because she remembered what she'd told him while they were drunk. He knew from the moment the memory had come back to her. Something had changed in her eyes and now when she looked at him he could see the question lingering behind her gaze. She was curious if he remembered it too. He didn't want to tell her, he couldn't do that to her but he did recall those words. He had remembered them clear as day even with the hangover. The one thing he hadn't wanted to remember and it had been playing in his head like a mantra while everything else from that night was still fuzzy.

Walking with her now, arguing over whether it's a good idea or not to toy with mob bosses, he realizes the only reason he didn't want to remember is because he wanted her to be sober when she told him she loved him. The bow in his pocket reminds him why he was headed towards her office in the first place....the belated gift. Twisting the conversation was easy enough. He simply brought up that she was just grumpy because she thought he 'forgot' to get her a present.

"Unbelievable. You know, you've got no reason to be grumpy any more." The look on her face was priceless when he stuck the red bow on her office door. Confusion mixed with amusement. Just one of her many expressions he'd come to love. She hesitated before reaching out to open the door as he motioned the rest of the team to come look. He wanted all of them to see this.

Lisbon wasn't sure if she should really open the door but she wanted to know what was waiting for her in her office. She did not expect to see a pony when she finally pushed it open but there it was standing right in front of her desk. The 'Happy Birthday' strewn over it's back was a little late but she couldn't help the smile that took over her features. She really couldn't believe this, Jane had got her a pony - of all things. Beaming brightly at him, he returned it in full. They weren't really keeping track of who seemed more pleased, her or Jane but it didn't matter. This was one of the sweetest things she'd received for her birthday - or ever for that matter and it was even sweeter that he looked so proud of himself for doing it. Everything that had happened in the last week seemed rather pointless now, including the fact that he could have been killed for his stupid antics. As much as she loved her team, she really wished they weren't standing right behind her at the moment. In fact she wished the entire building was empty except for just her and Jane.

Thankfully after just a few minutes of quiet staring and soft whispered words, Rigsby, Cho and Van Pelt lost interest in the cute little pony. Lisbon would have to remember to be extra nice to them tomorrow but for now she gently pulled Jane into her office and closed the door. She let herself forget the way that she'd been walking on eggshells around him and smiled. A real smile that she knew he enjoyed seeing.

"You got me a pony." It wasn't a question, it was a statement said in absolute amazement as she let her fingers run down the animal's neck.

"He's a rental but yes I did." She turned back to face him, stroking the pony a few more times. "I'm sorry your gift wasn't here on time. I didn't forget your birthday."

"Then why wouldn't you come home with me the last couple of nights?"

"I knew you were upset."

"I was not upset." Arguing with Jane was usually pretty pointless and yet Lisbon seemed to get roped into it every time. They both knew she was lying through her teeth but Jane didn't call her on it. Instead he flashed her grin and reached for her hand. Those soft hands he'd missed the past week. She came willingly when he tugged her towards him. He had only intended to give her a hug since they were in her office but Lisbon had other plans. She ignored the world outside because in that moment all she wanted to do was thank him properly. Her hands found the base of his neck, toying with his curls as she pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

"I really didn't forget."

"Hush." Her reply was whispered against his mouth as she silenced him with another kiss. This one a little longer than the last. Lisbon didn't care anymore, she didn't care if he had forgotten because this made up for it. The pony, the way he took control of the rhythm their mouths were dancing to, it made up for everything she'd been feeling. She hadn't been angry at the thought of him forgetting, she'd been hurt but as they stood in the middle of her office wrapped up in each other's embrace, she let it all go. It had seemed that lately things had came at them faster than they could dodge the hits. First was that amazing kiss they'd shared, but right after they'd ended up avoiding each other for almost a week due to trust issues. They had resolved the problem only for him to take her and show her that smiley on the wall. The words she'd said to him that night left them on edge and then this. Everything had happened all at once, they hadn't had any down time since their first kiss and Lisbon was wound tighter than a spring.

Giving in to the sensations coursing through her veins, she ran her hands down his back to pull him closer. Their lips lost contact when she broke away to trail a line of soft kisses to his ear. The groan he let out when she gently nipped the lobe, left a satisfied smirk on her face.

"Take me home Patrick." Her husky voice sent a shiver down Jane's spine. He was more than willing to oblige, they'd been distant lately. They's touch, kiss, fool around a little but they hadn't taken it any further than that since he'd taken that step and initiated their first kiss. Trying to concentrate, Jane counted back in his head how long it had been since they'd had sex. About a month. God, he didn't know how he had managed to hold himself back that long or why he'd even bothered.

The distant thought of the pony flickered through his mind but vanished as soon as she leaned back to meet his gaze. Her green eyes were hazy, her pupils dilated and she had that look; the one she always got when she didn't want anything but him. He could also see the love shining through the lust and knew immediately that tonight they weren't going to stop until they were both completely sated. Another quick press of her warm lips against his and then she was replaced by cool air as she stepped away from him.

Jane was a little dazed for a few moments while she seemed completely fine. She smirked at him playfully and let herself pet the pony while he tried to calm his rapid pulse. He had missed being intimate with her but in the last few weeks there just hadn't been a 'good' time for either of them.

* * *

The apartment door opened revealing the two pawing at each other, already trying to get the barriers of clothing out of the way. The last hour and half of sitting around her office and then driving had been entirely way too long for both of them. Jane slammed the door unintentionally, never breaking contact between their lips. He kissed her with a hunger that he had never let himself have with her before and Lisbon was just as eager. In her heightened arousal, she accidentally collided with the table, rather hard. A muffled groan of pain filled the air followed by one of pleasure seconds later when Jane lifted her from the ground. With his hands cupping her ass and her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, he carried her through the apartment.

Their mouths parted when she buried her face in his neck, nipping at the exposed skin and letting her fingers start on the buttons of his vest. She really despised all the layers he wore. There were just too many and in moments like this she had a hard time with all the buttons. His steps had faltered the closer they got to the couch and Lisbon wondered if that's as far as they'd make it but he surprised her by heading up the stairs instead. The heat burning between her thighs really wished he would've just opted for the couch but when he caught her lips once again something changed. The kiss was soft and sweet, his steps weren't as fast and she felt as though that one kiss could incinerate her entire body.

When he had lay her down on the bed, they noticed how little they had accomplished in their frenzy to touch, to feel. They were both still fully clothed with buttons undone. Only shoes and socks were missing. Jane found his place between her thighs and let his hands work the rest of the buttons on her shirt. He wasn't sure what had gotten into them before they even made it through her front door but he had chose to slow it down. He wanted this to be special. He hadn't had the pleasure of being able to kiss her while having sex and he didn't want this to be over before it began. With the last button undone, he pushed the fabric back as she sat up to help him slide it off her shoulders. He kept her in a sitting position by placing a hand to the warm skin of her lower back.

Foreheads pressed together, eyes met and he leaned in for a slow kiss. This was how it was supposed to happen. He let his fingers unsnap the bra covering her breasts as his lips moved lazily over hers. He could feel her hands pushing against the fabric of his shirt, they compromised. He let her rid him of the obstruction and then he removed the bra and let it carelessly drop beside the bed.

Her lips reluctantly left his to trail over his jaw, down his neck, gently sucking and biting at the skin until he had both hands tangled in her hair. It didn't stop her, if anything it encouraged her. The hands that had been resting at his shoulders made their way down to the zipper of his pants. A quick flick of her wrist and they were unfastened, her hand dipping beneath the fabric. His breath hitched in his throat when her fingers found their destination. Jane knew that she was trying to speed things up and as much as he wanted it, he also wanted to please her. This was about her.

"Teresa, slow down sweetheart we have all night."

"No, I need you." Lisbon stifled a groan when he grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand away. She wanted to touch him, she just wanted to feel him. Her head was fuzzy with arousal and hearing him call her 'sweetheart' did nothing to calm the hormones raging through her. The ache building between her thighs intensified when his hands worked at the button on her pants. Wasting no extra time, he hooked his fingers into the waistband. Panties and all. Biting her lip and arching into him as he slid the articles of clothing from her legs, Lisbon let out a low moan. Her body was practically humming, her chest was already heaving with each breath she took and he hadn't even really touched her yet.

The gasp that fell from her parted lips when he rested a palm over her breast, fueled his desire. Jane kept his ministrations at a steady easy pace, matching it with his lips when he leaned in and sealed his mouth to hers. It wasn't hard to get caught up in the moment, in Lisbon. She smelled so good and her lips were so soft and pliant. Somewhere between kisses and slipping his hand down the front of her body, he'd managed to kick his pants off. They were followed closely by the last garment separating their skin.

Breaking their kiss long enough to look his partner in the eye, Jane settled himself in her heat with one gentle thrust. The matching moans that filled the quiet bedroom let them both know that it had indeed been too long since they'd been in this position. There were several things that made this moment better than all the others they had shared. Two of the main reasons were, that kissing her was no longer off limits and he knew she loved him. Her pretty eyes never left his as he started the slow movement of his hips against hers. A sigh left her parted lips when his hands went back to roaming her bare skin. He kept the movement at a gentle rocking motion, never faltering until she hitched one leg up around his waist. The change in position left a hollow moan pushing up from his lungs.

"I missed you, Patrick." Her words were mumbled against his shoulder but he had heard them and he knew what she meant. He'd missed her as well, it'd been too long. A whimper escaped her mouth as she pressed her face into his neck. He wouldn't have it, he turned his head and captured her lips. Matching the pace of his hips, he kept it languid and intoxicating. The sensation was overwhelming. Jane was an outstanding lover, that she learned from the start but the feel of him moving inside of her, sliding against her, hands roaming and now him kissing her was sending her into a frenzy. The tight coil that was wound up between her thighs only wound tighter with each thrust. It wasn't fair that she felt completely at his mercy, she couldn't have taken control even if she wanted to. Good thing she didn't want to.

The soft sighs, grew into whimpers which turned into moans with the mounting pleasure building between them. Jane's own vocalizations mixed with hers and he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold on. He really had missed how well they fit together. He'd missed the way it felt to be inside her, moving against her and touching her. Now that he knew what it was like to kiss her, it all seemed much more satisfying. Fusing their mouths together again, Jane felt himself picking up the pace as he started to unravel. His body had a mind of it's own but Lisbon matched his movements easily. She always did.

The coil that had been building for weeks finally snapped, springing apart and wreaking sensational havoc on Lisbon's body. She tensed against Jane's hold, tearing her mouth away from his in a silent scream. Her body arched into his, needing to feel more of him and yet feeling more than enough all at the same time. She clutched at his back desperately as the orgasm ripped through her. She trembled beneath him, locked up in his arms and then melted back against the mattress spent and exhausted as he continued his rocking motions. Her overly sensitive skin responded to his soft caresses and his lips found her trembling ones easily. She knew he was close when he gripped her tighter, the low rumble in his chest making itself known.

"Teresa..." Sighing her name, Jane didn't bother holding back any longer when he felt that all too familiar pulsing, he let go. After just a few more thrusts, he collapsed against her. They both wanted to say something about how different it felt but they waited. Giving themselves time to calm their breathing back to normal. He figured he'd be the first to say something but Lisbon surprised him by running her fingers through his dampened locks and being the first to break the silence.

"You remember don't you?" No further explanation was needed. He knew exactly what she was talking about and on the bright side she didn't sound upset. Jane rolled to the side and propped himself up on one elbow. His free hand pushed the hair back from her forehead and moved to caress her cheek.

"Yeah, I remember." There was a shift of emotion and Lisbon diverted her gaze to a random spot on the ceiling. "Don't be embarrassed."

"I was drunk."

"Drunken words are sober thoughts." A few seconds of silence passed, the flush in her skin slowly starting to dissipate. Just when he thought the subject had been avoided, she surprised him once again. Her eyes found his, an intense stare passing between them and then Jane pressed his lips to hers for a quick kiss. When he pulled back she looked nervous and scared.

"I-I did fall in love with you, I didn't mean to. We talked about relationships but we never..."

"It's okay Teresa. Calm down, or I won't give you your birthday present." The confused look that took over her features had him chuckling. "Oh come on, you really think all I got you was a pony? No that was a back up when I found out that your present wouldn't be done on time, then the pony ran late too."

A slow easy smile spread across Lisbon's face as Jane leaned over the edge of the bed to find his pants. She'd been expecting him to freak out about her confession. It was one thing to hear it from her when she was drunk but it was something totally different to hear it from her when she was sober and after they'd just had sex. He didn't make her feel like she'd done something wrong and even though he hadn't said anything to tell her how he felt, she was happy. After just a few moments, Jane was back at her side, settling against her with a black box with a small green bow on the top, in one hand. Lisbon knew exactly what kind of box it was before he even handed it to her. Jewelry. It was long and skinny, and as she cautiously opened it a small gasp left her mouth. It wasn't a necklace or a bracelet which was something she would have expected. It was an anklet with a heart shaped emeralds embedded in the silver chain.

"Patrick..."

"You already have your cross and I doubt you'd wear bracelets, I thought this was best. You can wear it discreetly." A huge grin lit up his face but Lisbon could tell he was afraid of her reaction. He hadn't given her the chance to say anything yet. "It's the only one like it. I had it custom made. The last time I bought you jewelry you gave it back but I'm hoping you'll keep this."

"Last time the circumstances were different." Wrapping one arm around Jane's shoulder, Lisbon tugged him down and kissed him softly. "It's beautiful. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Happy belated birthday, Teresa." The smile never fell from her lips as he took the box from her hands and gently clasped the anklet with his fingers. His free hand skimmed along her left thigh, down to her knee and gently lifted the limb. A kiss to her calf left her smiling even brighter as he fastened her gift around her ankle and pressed his lips there as well.

**a/n: PONY!!!! Oh wait, I bet you guys probably aren't exactly thinking about the pony right now are you? A little sexy chapter for you guys because lets face it...those two needed some lovin. I made him get her something else because I doubt he'd get her JUST a pony if they had actually been sleeping together for about a year. Anyway, now it's time for me to give credit where credit is due. Patrick wrote part of this while I was in class today, starting when Lisbon says "Hush" (in the pony scene) and ending where Jane says "Teresa, slow down sweetheart we have all night." So thank him for that little segment! :) ~ Rina**


	21. Miss Red

**Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure if I actually owned it then I wouldn't feel the need to write fanfic. **

**A/N: I know I've kinda been putting this story on the back burner but I honestly think it's because I hate to see it end. Arg. Some of you were wondering if I'm going to do season 2. I'm seriously considering it but I wouldn't have it as a sequel, I would probably do it about like I done this one but obviously not the exact same. If you guys are interested then I probably will. Anyway onto chapter 21...only two left :( I'll try to update faster.**

**Timelines are never really set in the land of TV, so I took creative freedom with this. Enjoy.**

It started as a dull pulsing ache behind the eyes. Lisbon wrote it off as a side effect of exhaustion but the longer she sat there, the stronger it became. It had started to feel as if the pressure in her head would eventually explode and that's when she took into account every other symptom she'd been feeling. Over the day she'd felt different, not necessarily sick but not like her usual healthy self. The scratchy throat, the congestion, the headache, it made sense now. Her tired and weak limbs that felt too heavy to move just hours after the first sign of being sick. Even though she wanted to crawl under a rock, she felt too puny to even try and the late lunch she'd consumed made itself known by a wave of nausea. The bottle of water that had been sitting on the edge of her desk made it up to her lips. Cautiously sipping at it, she caught the sight of Jane making his way through her office door. This was just her luck.

She let her forehead meet the desktop with a thunk and then groaned as the sound echoed making her headache worsen. Rigsby was so on stakeout duty for this. She didn't want to move, she just wanted to melt into a puddle and be done with it. She didn't care that Jane was standing next to her now, or that the water that had been in her hand fell to the floor. Thankfully the cap kept it from spilling. Her eyes closed in attempts at warding off whatever the hell was attacking her body.

"You don't look so great."

"I don't feel so great." The energy it took to just talk left her feeling even more drained. A cool loving hand brushed her hair away from her face and rested on her cheek. She didn't open her eyes or flinch. It would have taken movement for either of those and that just didn't seem possible. She felt like her bones were made of jello.

"Come on, let's get you home." Instead of forming any words, she groaned and whimpered when he gently grasped her elbow. A soft chuckle fell from his lips and she wanted to smack him but her arm wouldn't cooperate. "Think of it this way: the sooner we get out of here, the sooner you get to be in bed."

The word 'bed' was motivation enough for Lisbon to force herself from her chair, opening her eyes in the process. Jane didn't say anything about the way she was dragging her feet or about the way she fought with her jacket. Frustration ebbed it's way into her tired body when the piece of clothing wouldn't do what she wanted. She hated being sick. This was why Rigsby would be punished. The simple mechanics of getting her arms through the appropriate holes eluded her in moments like this. She couldn't understand why it was so hard to do when she was ill. After a few minutes of fighting, Jane took over. Gently pulling the fabric from Lisbon's hands, he settled it around her shoulders and smiled when her head fell to his chest. It was obvious to him that she had definitely caught whatever Rigsby had. She was already miserable. Rubbing her back soothingly, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Do you need anything before we go?" There was a garbled mumble against his jacket and he figured it was a no by the harsh tone. His hand managed to find its way to her hair, letting it drift through his fingers. Soft and silky.

"I wanna go home." Jane hated seeing her like this. Lisbon, his Teresa, was never so whiny and clingy while they were still in the CBI building or ever really. She wasn't big on public displays of affection but she didn't bother protesting when he kept one arm around her waist to steady her as they walked out of her office. She was leaning most of her weight against his side but he didn't mind. She wasn't exactly herself at the moment so he chose not to tease her about it. Her eyes stayed half closed the entire time until they walked by the bullpen. "Rigsby, stakeout duty. One month."

No other words came out of her mouth, but everyone knew why she'd said those ones. Jane flashed the man a smile and shrugged as he continued walking Lisbon towards the elevator. He wondered if anyone noticed that she'd leaned her head against his shoulder as they walked away.

* * *

Jane really didn't like seeing Lisbon so frail but he could tell that she hated it even more than he did. It was obvious by the way she really tried to force herself up the stairs leading to her bedroom. At least her stubbornness wasn't gone. It was a little strange to see her take a few steps and then lean against the wall for a few seconds before taking anymore. After the second time of watching her do that, he had picked her up and carried her the rest of the way. It was easier and despite the weak protest, she seemed appreciative. The soft mewling sound that escaped her lips when he gently placed her on the mattress left a caring smile on his face. He may hate seeing her like this but it also brought out his feelings which always managed to make him smile.

"Teresa, you gotta sit up for me."

"I'm not an invalid." Lisbon knew exactly why he wanted her to sit up and as sweet as he was being, she didn't want to seem that powerless. Ignoring his outstretched hands she sat up pulled her shirt off with one swift tug. Thankfully he didn't push her to let him do it, he just went over to her dresser and grabbed one of the shirts that he knew she wore to bed. It didn't take her long to have her bra and pants off too, despite the ache in her body she knew she was still capable of movement. It just left her feeling like she shouldn't do it again for a week. There was no protest or fight in her when he slipped the worn, thin cotton over her head and followed it with a kiss to her cheek.

"You have a fever. You didn't have one back at the office."

"I'll be fine, I just want to sleep." She fell back against the pillows and curled herself into a ball. Either she didn't notice Jane's absence or she just didn't care but when he came back in with a bottle of medicine in hand a loud groan of disapproval rang out.

"Take this." He didn't give her much of a choice and although he could tell she hated moving from her comfortable position, he still made her drink the liquid. It might not deal with all of her symptoms but it would reduce the fever for a few hours. "Are you cold?"

A simple nod was his answer as she burrowed deeper into the covers. Maybe putting her in just a tee shirt wasn't the best idea. Another trip to her dresser had him carrying a heavy sweater back to the bed. He actually felt kind of bad that he was making her move around so much when she clearly just wanted to be left alone. This time instead of having her sit up, he slid in the bed next to her and gently eased her into it. Much like he used to do when his daughter was a baby.

"Better?" Another nod, as she pressed her face into the pillow and shivered. This wasn't exactly what he'd planned for the night but her health came first and she obviously wasn't up for anything that required any kind of motion on her part. Instead of dwelling on the fact that exactly a year ago they'd had sex for the first time, Jane stripped down to his boxer-briefs and crawled in next to her. Dinner reservations were no longer important. His arms found their way around her tiny waist and pulled her towards his chest.

"Patrick, I'll get you sick."

"I don't care." He hugged her tighter as her head came to rest against his neck. The heat of her feverish skin pressing against him. "Sleep, just sleep now."

"M'sorry. T'day is a year from when we..."

"It's not your fault and it's no big deal. We can go out to dinner another time." It would have technically been their first official date. He'd planned to make it clear that he was ready to be labeled as her romantic partner. He was ready for a relationship but now all he wanted was for her to get better. He wrapped himself around her small frame in hopes to keep her warm. His hands stroked over her back much like they had in her office and he let himself relax into the mattress.

"Dinner? A date?"

"Yeah, yeah a date. I'm ready." They'd been out before but never had they called it a date. At least not out loud and now he'd admitted to her that he was okay with the idea of them being a lot more than just colleagues, friends, and lovers. This was almost as big as her confession of 'I love you', almost. "We'll talk when you're feeling better. Just rest."

Ignoring the pounding in his chest and the way he felt as if he'd run a marathon, Jane kissed her forehead and thought back over the past year. They'd been through a lot and yet here they were. They hadn't let it tear them apart and hopefully they never would. There were a lot of things that could be a potential threat to what he'd just admitted he was ready for and yet he wasn't afraid. He was excited. He knew that they could get through it or they'd at least try their best. If anything tore them apart it'd be Red John and he really hoped that didn't happen. For now, he was content to hold her close and hope that come morning her fever would be gone or at least down to a decent temperature.

**a/n: I based the ENTIRE chapter off of my favorite line in the episode which is why it's not very long. Good news is that the next one is longer and more intense. OH and I've been really behind on review replies and messaging people back lately. I'm SO sorry. I'm gonna try and get back on track. I've updated both of my stories now so hopefully I'll get to it. Although Patrick is pestering me to start a one shot collection with him. Grr. ~ Rina**


	22. Blood Brothers

**Disclaimer: Even after all this time, I get zip.**

**A/N: Finally posting this, sorry about the wait. Finals have been kicking my ass. So this was another episode that I didn't really care for, but I made it into something. Bring on the Jane comforting Lisbon!!! Oh and thank you everyone who congratulated Patrick and I on our engagement. That was really sweet of you guys. Anyways, on to the new chapter. Kind of short(ish) but that tends to happen on episodes I don't really care for plus the finale chapter makes up for all of it. Trust me. It's long. I'm not even halfway done with it yet and it's already over 2000 words.**

The sound of music filled Lisbon's living room but the occupants weren't paying any attention to it. The noise was just background to their thoughts, each plagued with a whole slew of memories and questions. The couch was where they resided, Jane reclining against the arm and Lisbon lying between his legs with her head resting back against his chest. Their position was comfortable and warm, her hand rubbing the arm he had thrown around her waist and him letting his fingers run through her hair in a soothing manner. They hadn't spoken since they'd walked through the door but it wasn't required. They weren't mad or upset, just content to be near each other without the use of words.

The feel of Jane's hand stroking through her hair, had Lisbon closing her eyes and releasing a soft sigh. She loved this, just lying with him, it was nice after a long day. The kids at Bright Arch had reminded her of her brothers. The oldest of her younger brothers had been quite the handful after their mother was killed. Their father hadn't helped any with the drinking and the black outs but she had tried. She really tried to keep them all safe but it wasn't easy and there were times that she had failed. Part of her wondered if some of those kids even deserved to be there or if their parents just didn't feel like dealing with them anymore. A hand came up to tilt her head back and she let her eyes meet with Jane's concerned ones.

"You okay sweetheart?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." There's something that always stirs in her chest when he uses terms of endearment, it's something that makes her love him even more. She's moved on from thinking he only does it as a way to replace her with the thought of his wife, she knows he wouldn't do that. The hand stroking her hair stills when she flashes him a smile and shifts to press her lips to the underside of his chin. "Just tired, I think I'm gonna turn in."

"Alright, I'll be up in a few." It was odd for Jane to linger behind but he'd done it twice in the last few nights and Lisbon had been too tired to ask why. Same with this night, she was too exhausted to care and figured that if it was something major he would have told her - at least she liked to think he would have. Somewhat disappointed, Lisbon sat up and crawled off the couch leaving Jane to himself. She'd been hoping he'd come to bed with her, she wanted him next to her when she fell asleep. Ignoring the slight pang in her chest, she didn't look back as she climbed the stairs and headed towards her bedroom door. If he wanted to sit in her living room all by himself then she couldn't stop him. She'd just try and wait up for him like she had done the night before. Although that had ended with her falling asleep alone and waking up alone. In fact if it hadn't been for the way he'd woke her at four in the morning to pleasure her until she was begging for more, she would've thought he hadn't come to bed at all.

The music played on as she climbed the stairs and Jane was left feeling kind of bad for making this the third night in a row that she'd went to bed alone. It wasn't that he was upset about anything, he wasn't having any kind of breakdown; he was trying to make a decision. After she disappeared into her bedroom, he waited a good twenty minutes before letting himself even move. He couldn't get caught, it would ruin everything and he was working so hard to make sure this was just right. Reclining even further into the couch, he stared up at the ceiling and started planning things out in his head.

"Lisbon...no Teresa, I love you." The words were whispered and then he cringed and shook his head. "No, too simple."

"Teresa, you're my life now, I can't live without you and I..." Before he was even finished he found himself making a gagging noise and then laughing for talking to himself. "Too mushy."

"We've both been through hell and back and within the last year I've found out what started as a way to make the pain lessen turned into a lot more; I love you, Teresa." After a few minutes of contemplating a smile broke out on his face. That was as close to perfect as it would get and he'd no doubt change it if he decided he hated it five minutes later. Three days, it had taken him three days to come up with a way to say those important words, that wasn't too little or too much. He didn't just want to say them without a way to back them up. He wanted her to believe him and he knew she'd be apprehensive. This was still Lisbon and although she'd admitted that she fell in love with him, she hadn't ever actually said those three words. He knew why; she was too afraid. She was too guarded to let herself say that to him. Admitting she loved him was one thing but for her to say 'I love you' was another.

Another thirty minutes passed before he decided to join her for some much needed rest. He'd catch a few hours of sleep and then wake her with soft kisses to tell her what he'd been rehearsing. He couldn't believe he was so nervous about telling her when he knew she felt the same way. He was Patrick Jane, he wasn't used to feeling like this but he also realized something. This would be the first time he'd said those words to someone who wasn't his wife. That was where the nervousness stemmed from. He wasn't afraid of her reaction, he was afraid of what those words held for them. It terrified him that for the first time since the death of his family, he was actually happy and wanted a future with Lisbon.

Leaving her couch, he made his way up the stairs one by one and shedding his shirt in the process. He let it fall to the floor without even thinking of putting it away instead, her apartment was always messy anyway. Not really messy, dirty but messy, lived in. He liked it that way. Pausing in the doorway to her room, he let his eyes roam her sleeping form. A frown settled on his face at the sight. She was lying on top of the covers, wearing just a shirt and panties but it wasn't her attire that unsettled him; it was the way she was thrashing about. He'd stayed with her most nights and never seen this happen before. Her soft whimpers had his heart clenching and his feet moving him towards the bed. The closer he got, the more concerned he became. Despite the dark, he could see the tear tracks on her face. He wasn't used to this, he wasn't used to someone he loved being plagued by what looked like one horrible nightmare. Her arm shot out towards him when he climbed into bed and sat next to her. Grabbing her wrist gently he pulled her closer while she fought against him the entire time, mumbling words that didn't make any sense to him. Her chest was heaving with each breath she took and the sweat forming on her brow had him cradling her against his chest.

"Teresa, shh, wake up. Wake up sweetheart, it's just a bad dream." Her face scrunched in confusion but she didn't wake, she kept struggling to free herself from his grasp. He watched her for any signs of waking and was about to give up and just ease her through it when her eyes flew open and she stiffened in his arms. Breathing ragged, he could feel her heart pounding and she wasn't quite sure where she was yet. Her eyes searched frantically around the room, looking for something. "You're okay, everything's okay."

Seeing her like this had him feeling like a fool for staying downstairs. He didn't know how long she'd been stuck in that alternate universe but it was long enough to have her shaking. He shouldn't have taken so long. It wasn't supposed to take him that long, only a few minutes and yet he'd been down there for over an hour. The tears flowed freely down her cheeks and he couldn't think of anything to say to make them stop. Resting his cheek against her forehead, he whispered words of comfort and pulled her the rest of the way into his lap. His hand stroked her hair and his mouth pressed kisses to her cheeks, her nose and her lips. After a few minutes she seemed to finally realize that he was there and melted into him. Shaking arms wrapped around his neck as she pressed her face into shoulder. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not, but he wanted to know what the nightmare was about so he had to ask.

"I know you might not want to talk but I could help if you told me what..."

"Don't, Patrick. Please leave it." The pleading in her voice paired with the tears he could feel on his skin almost made him give in. Almost.

"No I won't leave it, not when you're so upset." Lisbon didn't want him asking, she didn't want to explain, she just wanted him to hold her with no questions asked. She didn't want him to know that she'd been stuck in a memory and desperately tried to claw her way out but just couldn't. She didn't want him to know how weak she could be, how seeing all those kids at Bright Arch triggered something in her brain. The part she usually blocked off so this wouldn't happen. Buried but not completely forgotten. "Teresa?"

"It wasn't him. He wasn't himself when he was like that. Wasn't him." For years, she made the same excuse over and over. She almost hated that she still used it but she could remember who he'd been before he drank himself into oblivion and it just wasn't the same man. She didn't blame the alcohol, it was his choice to pick up the bottle and refuse to put it down. His choice but it wasn't him. She hadn't thought about any of it in so long; the drinking, the black outs, the way she failed to keep her family safe. Jane didn't say anything, he didn't contradict, he just pulled her closer and gently rocked her back and forth. She liked the motion, it was relaxing and made her feel protected. That was something she didn't feel too often, at least not from an outside party. She protected herself but now Jane was the one doing the protecting and she found she didn't mind one bit. It was fair, she supposed. She protected him at work and now at home when her world turned upside down, he was there to protect her.

Next thing she knew her eyes were drifting closed and then fighting to open again when she felt herself being lowered. Her head hit the soft pillow, blankets came up to rest over her as she rolled onto her side and then gentle fingers traced patterns on her thigh when Jane's warm body pressed against her front.

"You can sleep, I'm right here." Without even noticing, her grip on him tightened as her legs tangled with his. She didn't want to sleep, she wanted to stay awake. She wanted him to keep her awake.

"I want..."

"Shh, baby just sleep. Everything's okay."

"Don't call me baby. I don't want to sleep." Lisbon never liked the term 'baby' she just didn't care for it, no matter how pleasant the shiver was that it sent down her spine when Jane said it. She didn't want him telling her to sleep when she didn't want to, he couldn't make her. She was going to stay awake and figure out what he'd been up to the last three nights. "I want to know why you haven't been coming to bed with me."

"I was figuring something out."

"And you couldn't do that in bed?"

"I'm going to pretend that I don't notice your obvious avoidance of what just happened." She was technically avoiding the topic of 'bad dream' but she just wanted to forget about it and that wouldn't happen if she eased up and gave him the opportunity to poke and prod. "Or that you don't want to sleep because you're afraid."

"Stop doing that." A lazy hand smacked at his chest as she used her lips to shut him up for good. He didn't resist, just pulled her closer and mumbled something that sounded like her name against her mouth. This was better. Heat surged through her body when the hand on her thigh moved higher, pushing her shirt out of the way. The piece of clothing was on the floor before she even noticed it was missing. She tried to work her hands down to his pants but he caught her wrists before she could get there. This wasn't going as planned, she wanted him to do this, her. It'd clear her mind from the nightmare and it was easier for her to ask for this than to ask to be held. Her whimper of protest was cut off by his slightly rushed voice.

"Wait, stop, I've been planning something for three days. Trying to get it right for us." Slightly dazed and confused by the look in his eyes, Lisbon just nodded in approval for him to continue. "I had it all planned, thought I'd say it word for word but I forgot every bit of it. The last year has been one of the hardest and best for me in a long time, I can't really think of anything else to say so I'll just get to the point. You told me you fell in love with me and you didn't ever expect a reply but you're getting one. I love you Teresa."

Every emotion she'd been feeling rose to the surface, pushing away her need for him. She wanted to scream, cry and laugh all at the same time. He'd pinned her to the mattress, letting one hand brush her hair from her face and she was searching his face for any sign that he might not be serious. That this could just be him trying to make everything better. Nothing gave it away if it was, only shining eyes stared back at her making her heart beat wildly in her chest. He was definitely serious. She could feel his heart beating too, just as hard as hers and before she could think of anything else, she was pulling him down and crushing her lips to his. Maybe her need for him wasn't as out of the way as she'd thought. He smiled against her mouth before ending the bruising kiss and replacing it with a much softer one. That kiss told her she wasn't getting anything from him tonight.

"Are you sure you're okay Teresa? I'll listen if you want to talk."

"Not tonight, I just...I've never asked to..." She knew now that he wouldn't settle for just having sex and forgetting about what led to it, so she grabbed his hands and made him wrap his arms around her as she burrowed into his chest. He tightened the hold and knew this was her way of asking to be held, she'd never asked before and he knew it was an uncomfortable situation for her. "Just don't let go."

"I won't." The woman in his arms didn't drift off to sleep, she stayed awake for a good two hours with her face turned into him and never made a sound. He kept his arms locked tightly around her, and pressed an occasional kiss to her head while whispering some random string of comforting words. He wouldn't let her go, he promised not to and if that meant staying awake all night just to be sure he didn't, then he would.

**a/n: Okay so I left you kind of hanging. Sorry bout that, I didn't want to write out a sex scene when Ara is currently napping in my lap. That would be weird and I wanted to get this up so you get this instead. Personally I kind of like that even though Lisbon tried to get him to help her forget using physical pleasure, he just held her. Anyways, I bet all of you are wondering how the 'I love you' thing is going to work with the finale aren't you? :D I'll just warn you that it's going to be angsty. I'm leaving soon or I would reply to all the reviews. I'll do that tonight when I get home, promise. For now I have to move a very tired little one to the bed.**


	23. Red John's Footsteps

**Disclaimer: You'd think after all the hard work I put into this that they might cut me a deal but no, I don't own any part of the Mentalist.**

**A/N: Here it is guys...the FINAL chapter. I seriously am going to miss this one but I still have my other two so I guess I'll be okay. I want to say how sorry I am for taking so long with this. Some of you already know but I was sick over the holidays and then my computer decided it wanted to get sick to. All my files were deleted so I had to start over on everything. So this is almost as long as the original and I tried to keep things on the same path. I think I managed. Hope you like the final chapter in this one.**

**Warning: Angst ensues (and some good ole' mush) Who doesn't secretly love mush?**

Plush, orange, furry and cute. That's what she'd been thinking when she picked out the cute little tiger that she'd named Hugo. The one that Jane had bought her that day at the zoo. It seemed so long ago, it had been a turning point in this thing they called a relationship and now here she was, standing over the trashcan with one goal in mind. She had to get rid of it, she couldn't deal with such a reminder sitting on her nightstand anymore. Not after what had happened between them in that cellar. Lisbon had known that if anything came between them, it would be Red John related and she'd been right. As childish as it seemed, she hugged the plush tiger to her chest and pressed a kiss to his head before dropping him into the small waste basket she kept in her bedroom.

Anger was at the forefront of the emotions controlling her actions, followed closely by being completely heartbroken. Jane had really said that he'd rather be dead, she couldn't be with someone who thought like that. She'd always sort of known in the back of her mind, that's why starting a casual sex relationship had been a horrible idea and yet they'd done it anyway. She'd made the mistake of falling in love with him and this is where it left her. Alone and broken in her apartment, nursing her aching heart and trying to forget.

It would be easy for her to forgive him, too easy but she knew she couldn't. He hadn't said two words to her since saving her life and she couldn't break the silence between them. She'd simply went home without so much as a goodbye. She'd choked back the tears all the way home, but once inside the dam had broke. There was nothing to hide from in her home, so she didn't need to wear a mask.

Tears were still streaming down her cheeks as she walked away from the tossed out tiger and towards the rest of the gifts that Jane had given her through the months, several little things that wouldn't mean much to most but to her, they meant the world. And that was the problem in a nutshell. She cared about him way too much, she loved him wholeheartedly and it was too dangerous. She'd known that but when he'd told her he loved her as well, she'd believed him. She'd been stupid enough to believe him and this was the price she had to pay.

One thing still puzzled her, he had saved her life. Killed his only link to Red John just to save her, but she couldn't dwell on that or she would forgive him in a flash. She knew these cases got to him, knew that he hurt, but she'd hoped that he would turn to her for comfort. Much like he had during their first sexual encounter and that hadn't even been a real Red John case, but he'd still turned to her. She didn't understand why any of this was happening. All she knew was that it felt like it hurt to breathe, her chest was constricting violently and the only thing she really wanted to do was crawl into bed. It was still too early for that, only eight, so she made herself deal with this. She had to, or she'd never get it done. One by one she tossed each and every little present he'd left for her, including a very special origami frog.

It was hard for Lisbon, but as she sat down on her bed, she carefully removed the dangling jewelry from her ankle. She hadn't taken it off since he'd put it on her but she couldn't wear it now. She wouldn't toss it like she had the rest, but she wouldn't wear it either. The show of throwing things away had been just that, she couldn't really just throw them away like garbage. The tiger would find a new home, she'd donate him as well as some of the other cute yet childish things he'd given her. The origami frog probably would end up in a box in the top of her closet, never to be opened but she wasn't really going to let it be trash. She'd just needed to physically detach herself from each item, though it hadn't really worked.

Encasing the anklet in her hand, she closed her eyes letting the tears fall and threw it at the wall before collapsing onto the mattress. She had to end things with him. It would be hard, it would be messy but it was for the best. The fact that she was literally bawling into her pillow proved that. Though she only stayed in the bed for a few seconds before every memory of him came flooding through. Every touch, every kiss they'd shared while lying under the covers had her slowly getting up and moving away. There really wasn't one spot in her apartment that didn't hold some kind of memory of him. The kitchen, the living room, the bathroom, even the closet. It held some of his clothes and she hadn't made it to sorting them out yet. She was still too worked up. In a few hours she would be better, almost back to normal minus the heart wrenching pain in her chest and she'd do it then. She would take them to him in the morning.

Her gaze flickered to the wall she'd thrown her anklet at, and before she even realized what she was doing, she was on her hands and knees trying to find it. It wasn't in the floor and her guess was that it had fallen behind her dresser. She was overreacting, she knew she was. She knew he wasn't going through the same thing. He wasn't choking back sobs and pawing around on the floor pathetically. She couldn't believe he'd made her into this kind of woman but she'd never loved someone so strongly before and he'd thrown it in her face. He'd been angry with her for saving his life, yet he turned around and returned the favor. She'd never been this confused either.

Slightly triumphant, she eased herself up off the floor and decided she'd do this all in the morning. Things would look different then, she was just too exhausted and hurt to do it now. Maybe by then, she wouldn't even want to end it with him. The only other thing she accomplished was fastening the anklet back in it's rightful place. She couldn't deal with taking it off just yet. She understood why he'd said what he did, she really did but it had still felt as though he taken a knife and plunged it into her heart. It only twisted when she'd seen the look on his face after he'd shot Hardy.

She pushed the thoughts from her head, or at least she tried to but they still lingered. Her stomach was starting to rumble and she thought food might be a good distraction. Wiping the tears from her face, she headed down stairs to find something to eat. Food and then bed, that was going to be the routine for the night. She really hoped everything looked better in the morning. She really didn't want to end things with him, but she would if it was for the best. Right now, she felt as though it was but she didn't want to. She was so torn.

* * *

The lights were on in Lisbon's apartment. Jane took that as a good sign. He hoped she'd remembered what tonight was. After the tiring last couple of days, he thought she might have just turned in early, completely forgetting the plans. He needed to apologize as well, he'd said things to her in that cellar that he shouldn't have. He'd directed his anger at her when it should have been towards the elusive serial killer that put them in that situation. Part of him still thought she should have waited, but he understood why she didn't. She loved him, she wasn't going to risk something like that. She didn't want him to die, and that was why he'd been avoiding her most of the day. He couldn't deal with the fact that he'd left her thinking he'd rather be dead than spend a life being with her. He hadn't meant it like that but now that he really thought about it, that's the way it had probably sounded.

He didn't know what to expect, he didn't know if she'd be upset or calm. He hoped she was calm, willing to forget the entire confrontation and have a good time but something in his gut told him that was just wishful thinking. Though she was tough cop, she was still a woman with a heart and he had a feeling he'd crushed it. He didn't mean to, Red John always made him have tunnel vision. He only had one thing in mind and that was catching him, he should have been thinking of Lisbon too but he wasn't.

He hadn't even considered what the case was doing to her until he shot Hardy. He was kind of shaken over that, but he'd do it again if it meant saving her. He couldn't let anything happen to the woman he loved, he just hoped she knew why he'd done it. He'd actually been walking out to tell her he was sorry for acting selfish and to steal her away from prying eyes so he could fully seek comfort in her. Let her hold him and hold her in return without an audience but that hadn't happened. He didn't have the chance and after that he'd been too ashamed to say anything. He'd seen the hurt in her eyes and it bothered him knowing that he'd put it there.

A stray tear ran down his cheek but he quickly wiped it away, adjusted his shirt and walked up to her door. He was a selfish bastard but he loved her too much to let her go. She probably would be better off without him but he couldn't handle that. He'd go crazy if she gave up on him. He knew there were things he needed to work on and this was one of them. He needed to learn when to keep his mouth shut, he had to learn the right things to say to her and mean them. In the heat of the moment, he'd opened his mouth and said things that seemed fine at the time but now he wished he could take it all back. He really didn't want to be dead, he was glad she'd came in a little early though he told her to wait because ultimately she'd saved his life. He'd been so rude to her. Telling her he'd rather be dead, as long as they caught Red John. It wasn't true anymore, maybe a year ago it would have been, but not now. He wanted to live.

He knew he'd said it the wrong way, he meant that if it came down to saving him or catching a serial killer then he wanted her to catch the killer. He'd managed to get that part across to her but the second part had remained locked in his head. It wasn't purely for the selfish reason of not wanting to live, it was to save others from becoming the man's victims. He was trying to be a good person, he'd simply forgotten that at the time. As he raised a fist to knock, he hoped she was okay. He hadn't even asked her if she was okay, after staring down the barrel of a gun. What kind of person was he? He was supposed to protect her, love her and always be there but he was still rusty. Even after a year, it was still easy to slip into his selfish behavior but he wanted to stop. He wanted her help, she just needed to be patient with him. He couldn't change over night but he was trying, still trying. He'd managed to love again, he knew he could conquer this as well he just needed more time.

When the door finally opened, he had to stifle the urge to wrap her in his arms and promise her the moon. She'd been crying, the puffiness of her eyes gave that away. Her hair was a mess though she'd pulled it back into a ponytail and she was dressed in a simple shirt and panties. Nothing else, he'd never seen her this vulnerable and shattered before. They'd had their share of spats that resulted in tears but he'd never seen her like this. She looked exhausted and done. By done, he meant done done, as in given up on him. The look in her eyes was for him and it screamed that she was finished.

"Teresa...I'm,"

"Don't, just don't Jane." She tried to close the door but he wouldn't let her, he couldn't let her do this. They needed each other, it wasn't just about him. It was about both of them so he pushed his way into her home, with ease and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Jane, leave."

It stung that she was reverting back to calling him Jane instead of Patrick but he knew it was her way to try and control the situation, to try to distance herself. He had a lot of work to do but he wasn't leaving anytime soon. He wasn't going to be satisfied until they were curled up on her bed, holding each other and trying to forget the words he'd said. Replacing them with touch and whispered I love yous.

Lisbon was struggling against his hold, she didn't want to give in though it would be easy to. She had to stand her ground if this was going to work in her favor and though the look on his face told her he was indeed sorry, she could still hear their conversation ringing in her ears. Refusing to let her forget why she'd been crying alone into her bowl of cereal. This wasn't like the other little fights they'd had, the other misunderstandings. This was worse, much worse but she couldn't wiggle out of his grasp.

Normally she probably could have laid him flat, but she was too emotional to even think straight and when he pulled her closer and buried his face in her hair, she gave up trying to push him away. One last embrace before she told him. They stayed like that for several minutes before she finally returned the hug and buried one hand in his hair, wrapping the other around his waist. They were clinging to each, desperate and sorry but for different reasons. Lisbon was sorry for what she had to do, had to say to him.

"Teresa, don't do this, okay? Please just don't give up on me." The tremor in his voice caused her to release the tears once again, followed by a whimper when he pressed a kiss to her temple. This was a lot harder than she'd imagined. "I love you."

"We can't..." There was a pause in her words as she tried to compose herself enough to finish the sentence, to get it all out in the open. She was hoping she could breathe easier once it was over and done with but she knew that wouldn't be the case. "We can't do this anymore. I can't."

The embrace ended, he pulled away and she saw for the first time, just how much this had bothered him as well. She'd been wrong when she'd thought he was fine with it all. Dead wrong. There were unshed tears in his eyes and she wished the words she'd just said could be taken back. Maybe this was just another test to their relationship, if so she really didn't want to fail but then there was still so much that couldn't be fixed. This would have been easier if she didn't love him.

"You don't mean that, don't say that." The space between them was only a few inches, but she felt as though they were miles apart. She didn't want to believe that Red John had done this to them. She tried to back away from him, staring at the floor but a warm hand caressed her cheek, forcing her to meet his gaze. She needed to get away from him or she wouldn't be able to do this. She didn't want to do it, she wanted to let him hold her, to hold him and work it all out but she was so afraid they'd end up worse off if that happened.

"Jane..."

"Patrick, it's Patrick. You haven't called me Jane when we're alone in months. I know what I said hurt you, I'm sorry. I am but we know what these cases do to me. They make me behave differently and say things. I never wanted to hurt you." She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and willed herself to move when he rested his forehead against hers. Her feet didn't cooperate, neither did her arms. Nothing did. She let herself rest her hands on his hips as he tugged her closer. This wasn't going the way she'd planned. He was supposed to be gone and she was supposed to be the one to make him leave.

"Patrick, I think you should go."

"Don't make me, you really don't want me to leave, so please don't make me."

"You're selfish and childish and I can't..." Lisbon was trying to make him angry enough to leave but he saw right through her and closed the gap between them. She whimpered against his lips but found herself giving in all the same. This was the problem, she was too weak to fight him and as he wiped away her tears, kissing her gently, she realized she couldn't do _this._ She couldn't push him away, she couldn't actually make him leave. Love was a blessing and a curse.

"Teresa I can't do this without you. I won't let Red John win."

"That's the problem isn't it? Red John. He always comes first and I was okay with that, I was but then you...would you really rather be dead?" Raw and cracked would be the only way to explain the air around them, the emotions. They were both highly aware that this night could be their last together which made every word that much more thought out and strained.

"He doesn't come first. That's the real problem, you think he does but he doesn't. And no I wouldn't rather be dead."

"You said you would." Lisbon let her hands travel from his hips up to the front of his shirt, grasping fiercely at the cotton. It took her a few seconds to realize he was actually dressed in casual clothes. Jeans even, she'd made a wise crack at him once about wanting to see him in jeans and now here he was.

"I say things that I think I mean at the time, only to find out I didn't mean them at all."

"It's safer if we end this now Patrick." It was going to hurt like hell, it already did but she knew she was right. It was safer to end it, move on and make it all a part of the past but every second she spent with him, she forgot a reason she wanted it to be over. Second by second, reason by reason.

"I don't want safe, I want you. I know I'm being selfish but don't give up on me, not yet." Another brief touch of their mouths and then it deepened. Lisbon couldn't bring herself to move away, and as she moved her lips against his she was somewhat glad she couldn't. He nipped at her lips, teasing them open and smothering her in the heat of the kiss. She pulled away as soon as she realized what they were doing.

"This doesn't fix things. Sex doesn't fix anything."

"I know, but this isn't sex." The look he gave her told her that he did know, but he wanted to try and fix things. It was better than what she'd wanted to do, at least she thought so at the time and hopefully it wouldn't cause her more heart ache in the long run though something told her it probably would. He wanted her help and she couldn't say no, she couldn't turn him down when he was begging her to help him. This was how it had started, he'd asked for a night and she'd given him one. She was too weak then, and it had only gotten worse over time. A year and two months, and no matter how upset she was, how much she wanted it to be easy. It wasn't. She couldn't just make him leave, move on and forget, because now she realized it wouldn't solve anything. It would make things harder. "Teresa, just let me love you tonight. If you still want things to be over in the morning then I'll go."

She would rather end up completely heart broken and disappointed than give up what they had so she nodded and let him lift her from the floor without a fight. She was being just as selfish as he was when she'd said she wanted to end it and that might be their downfall: selfishness. Even though it was obvious that both of them were lying. She didn't want to end anything and he wouldn't leave in the morning if she asked.

If they were smart they would have said goodbye, left it as it was but they didn't. They'd continued up to her bedroom, shedding clothing and trying to forget that this was how it had started, with sex. This wouldn't be just that, they were way passed just sex. It might have even been something beyond love making. They needed a new term to describe what it was when they were together. Then again, maybe they'd made the smart move, maybe this was the way it was supposed to be. Just the two of them, in her bed with nothing between them. Only an anklet and a cross were worn as they explored each other, occasional tears leaking out and whispered promises that might eventually be broken. Shared I love yous and matching thrusts. Maybe it didn't fix anything but with every kiss, they started to think that maybe it did.

Lisbon didn't hold herself back like she'd planned, she hadn't made him leave and now he had her pinned to the mattress. She was always beneath him, always, with the exception of one time. In a year, she'd only been on top once. It was his way to control everything, even without trying. With a searing kiss, she distracted him enough to flip them over never breaking contact of their bodies. If they were still doing this then some things would have to change.

He seemed somewhat shocked at first but as soon as she started to rock against him, a moan left his lips and he relaxed. Though he did manage a garbled sentence about how he was supposed to be the one making love to her.

"No, Patrick. Together, we do...ah...things together." The change of position had them both on the edge, each movement, each caress had them closer to the precipice but Lisbon hadn't expected him to do something in return. One swift move and he was sitting up, still buried deep inside of her, causing her to cry out against his shoulder as he held her tight. This wasn't quite what she'd meant by together but she couldn't even form a coherent thought let alone words.

Hips didn't stop, touches didn't cease and when Jane lifted her head from his shoulder to pepper kisses across her cheek, the past few days disappeared. His hands danced over her bare back, committing the skin to memory. He mapped her body every time they were like this, every time she was bare. Her hands seemed to be doing the same, never staying in one place long. Starting at his shoulders, skimming across his back and stroking over his chest before making their way to his curls.

"I love you Patrick." Whispering those words against his lips had them both groaning and inching even closer to the cliffs edge. She'd never actually said them out loud. She'd told him she'd fallen in love with him but never simplified it into those three words. "I love you."

Each rock of her hips sent waves of pleasure coursing through her, driving him deeper and causing her to mewl. Even after all this time, it was still such a new experience every time they came together as one. More so now that they were so worked up, so damaged after the last week and aching for human contact. Jane was close, he was too close and he knew he wouldn't last but just a few more seconds. He'd make sure they did this again, he wouldn't let her kick him out in the morning. He loved her too much to lose her, he wouldn't lose her to Red John too. He couldn't handle it.

A soft nip to his neck made him cry out as she tightened around him, he couldn't take it anymore. One hand tugged at her hair, softly pulling her lips up to his. With the first touch they were both crashing over the edge. Spiraling down together into that familiar bottomless pit of pleasure. There was nothing to keep them hanging on any longer, it wasn't worth it to try. Falling apart simultaneously had them clinging tightly to each other, lips still fused swallowing each others moan and sighs. Muscles tightened, locking only to release moments later and shiver with each aftershock. Jane carefully fell back against the sheets, pulling her down to rest mostly on top of him. She was shaking in his arms, his love, and he had to wait a few minutes to say what he'd been wanting to say all night. He had to get his breathing back to a somewhat normal rhythm.

"You, Teresa are what matter most to me, not Red John. I chose you. Do you remember what tonight was supposed to be?" He was met with her puzzled gaze and then she closed her eyes and nodded against his chest. He'd been dressed casually for a reason, and now he knew she remembered. Gently brushing her dampened hair back from her face, he offered her a tender smile and caught the last tear trying to cascade down her cheek.

"Our date."

"Please don't make me leave in the morning." He waited for an answer but it didn't come, his eyes searched hers for a long minute and then she mouthed a silent okay. They weren't better. This hadn't fixed everything but they were willing to try, to make changes and that's what set them aside from other couples that would have fallen apart long before this point. They'd both cried their share of tears for the night, and still managed to smile softly through the pain. They were going to make it work despite the flaws and baggage, they weren't going to let a serial killer come between them. Not again. Red John could not take away their love for each other.

**a/n: The epic end of this story. I couldn't actually make her leave him....I just couldn't. So bittersweet for me. Though I do actually think it's my favorite chapter. I like angsty stuff. So after much deliberation on the fact I've decided I'm going to do Season 2, but I won't be starting until it is over. That way I get a feel for the entire season as a whole. That being said it isn't going to be a continuation of this one. It'll be a whole new story. :D I've already got a title for it: 'Beautiful Nightmare' ~ Rina**


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